Type O Neg Grl's blog: "The Pain Inside"

by Koreena

I close my eyes and see the love that i carry inside of me. Its not so clear but i know its there.

I open my eyes and feel the cold, hard rush of hate flowing through my blood like melting ice going straight to the pit of my heart. Not knowing if I'm going to make it through the anxiety and fear that creeps deep with in me, slowly coming out i cry in desperation to be happy and free from disappointment and betrayal.

As the tears roll down my tomato red face i smile, i still have that bit of hope and love the tiny bit that can just hold me from breaking down.

Peoples faces bolt through my mind, like the forces of lightning at night flashing furiously with warmth and torture. Knowing I've still got kind hearted souls with me through my chance of defeat. The obstacles don't go they are there every corner i turn, every word i say.

Being careful is the key to my problems.

Lust and friendship sailing some days so peacefully, so calmly, my life changing everyday i don't know when the bad days, hours, minutes, seconds are going to strike me where i stand. Not being a believer of God or any religion, i pray for a normal life, a happy life with love, happiness, peace, relaxation but knowing I'm only dreaming.

Having doubt on whether I'm going to make it or not, not knowing the time I'm going to be cured of this frustration, complications, and heart ache. The pain that slithers so slyly through the tips of my fingers and out the ends of my toes, the throbbing feeling in my head, even that kills me alone.

Needing help for the messed up life i share with the only person i trust. My ghost, my friend, my future.