Type O Neg Grl's blog: "The Pain Inside"

by Twisted Illusion

This pain goes so much deeper,
Than I could ever say,
And I've tried so hard,
But it just won't go away.

I'm ignoring my reality,
Imagining he's still here,
I'm cold and alone,
Intently wrapped up in fear.

And I'm such a mess inside,
All over the place,
I'm sorry I wasn't enough,
That I'm such a disgrace.

My feelings are all muddled,
My heart so deeply bruised,
I feel so repulsed at myself,
So sickened and used.

And I keep telling myself,
That it can't be real,
My subconscious tells me it is,
I'm too afraid to feel.

And so I'm holding back,
Wishing it would go away,
But I know that it won't,
It'll still be there the next day.

And I don't want to stay,
And I don't want to go,
I've been left alone,
And I don't want to know.

No, I don't want to do this,
And I don't know what to say,
But I just wish this pain inside,
Just wish it would go away.