Poemsnotperverts's blog: "DAY TO DAY BLOG"

Restlessness.

It's something that stays with you when you go to bed and lays next to you all night while you sleep.

When you wake up it's there to cling to you all day like an invisible coat you cant take off.

It's worse, that feeling when you get older. When you are young you have the energy and more the urge to do something about it. To just take off and go do ANYTHING to make it go away. When you get older you get the feeling but you sometimes lack the energy or focus to do something to quell the feeling. You try to squash it. Drink. Smoke. Eat. Watch tv. You do everything you know how to make that feeling just shut up but it never does.

Restless old is irritating. You get settled into a routine and try to make peace with it and the being restless just fucks everything up. 

Then one day you wake up and one thought hits you...

" I want more"

Whatever you are doing in life isn't enough. There is a difference between doing things in life that fulfill you and doing shit that keeps you busy and occupied. Usually, the keeping busy shit is just filler so you don't have to think about how you aren't doing the stuff that would fulfill you. 

so your soul craves more and that ugly feeling of restlessness settles in. 

I hate going to bed at night and not really sleeping..more like napping for 1-2 hours at a time just to wake up and try to go back to sleep. I haven't slept a solid 8 hours in years. I cant remember the last time I did. People who are fulfilled don't have this problem. They sleep like babies...lucky fuckers. What about the rest of us tired people? 

You are restless because your soul is achingly hungry for something other than the junk food you have been feeding it. You may have been able to make it shut u with video games, Netflix and boxing matches on tv but there came a point where all the shit you dumped into it just wasn't enough...and you became irritated and restless because you didn't know what to do to make that feeling go away.

I tell you what can make it shut up...feed it something that is NOT junk.

Things that connect to your dreams, passions, and desires. Things that relate to the person you always think about being. Things that nourish your soul.

I woke up this morning thinking 

"I want more" 

I want more than this quiet isolated life. I am tired to sleep and not really ever sleeping. There is a part of me screaming to wake and be alive. It's not going to let me alone until I give it what it wants.

Restlessness boils down to that one sentence you know

"You want more"

Whatever you are doing is not enough. Whatever life you have is not fulfilling. There is enough of an emptiness to cause that whisper in your mind that won't be quiet. 

Give your soul what it wants..what it craves. Fill the emptiness and make it full and maybe you can sleep at night for once. 

Im gonna fill up my emptiness and restlessness with poetry, meditation, exercise and spend some time hanging out with Jim Morrison and Charles Bukowski, reading their prose and drinking in their verbal genius like fine old wine. 

If you are old or getting old and you are like me and cant sleep or maybe you just feel that sense of being restless I am telling you that's how you fix it. You give your soul something to chew on. 

I am off to go hang out with Jim and Charles

Bye


here is a favorite poem by charles bukowski

BLUEBIRD


there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up? 
you want to screw up the
works? 
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe? 
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you? 
Charles Bukowski