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What are you waiting for?
In a single lifetime, you amass a shit ton of clutter and waste.
Not just garbage from food or drink, but debris inside your head and around your person.
People who you call "friend" but never call you. Bad habits. Bad thoughts. Bad energy or memories. Leftover anything that serves you no good purpose.
There is nothing scarier than letting so much clutter build up and finally set yourself to task to clean things up and seeing how much space is revealed.
Why is that scary? Because of the truth of what you actually have versus what you actually have.
Some people cant handle it. Figuring out that they only have one or a few true friends versus a group...or that their life is a lot emptier than they thought.
I have let my world shrink smaller so that the truth of what is could be revealed. Said a silent goodbye to people who NEVER call me, I always have to call them if I want to speak to them...stopped emailing those who never email or text. That one choice right there shrunk my world down a great deal. Separated the real friends from those who aren't as real.
Then came another choice. To not chase anyone down for their affection or attention, that includes my dom. 13 years I have kept a small flame of hope alive inside me that perhaps one day he would love me and embrace my soul to his. Its never happened and the hope finally died. As much as I still love him I no longer hope to be with him. I am too old to be chasing men around for their love. I have done that since I was 16 years old and I cant do it anymore. Don't have the heart for it. Sadness has now replaced where that flame of hope used to be but there is nothing I can do about it. He's tangled up in his own dark mental spiderweb of past events and memories and not reaching for me and I cant change that. Loce, attraction, connection...you can't force those things..they either exist or they don't.
When you clear away the garbage and debris and dust you see the truth of what your life REALLY is it can be lonely and scary because now you have to fill the empty space up with something else. You have to face the fact you may not have as many friends as you thought or there may have been illusions about your life that now get ripped apart. Whatever the amount of fear and loneliness, the shrinkage is needed if you ever want to find your TRUE footing and fulfill your life's ambition and destiny. Get rid of the dead wood and burn it so that a forest can grow in its place.
Going back to my dom for a moment, I am going through the necessary grieving and mourning of the hope dying out. Accepting truth and letting it really sink in is a HUGE hard pill to swallow. Its painful but has to be done.
I let my world shrink to the bare truth because I need to know where I am and what I really have around me that's any good. You cant start a journey if you are lost and you don't know where you are or if you are carrying too much weight. Letting your world shrink means moments of fear, sadness, loneliness, depression...but its worth it in the end. You cant fly if you have too much dead weight hanging onto your wings.
Peace out
