memawfan me 1st please's blog: "Please be patient with me"

I am still hanging on to my sanity....but only by a small thread. A few things have changed for the better. But not enough to get me out of the woods. I hope to get my utilities paid soon so I can relax and try to go forward with my life. I have some very good friends helping me and a garage sale did bring in some sorely needed cash. I have a roof over my head and food in the freezer so I will not have to beg for everything. Small consolation but I'll take what I can get. And I still can't get used to being helpless. I hate it!!!!

I may not be on line for a few weeks or longer. The finances finally crashed. The roommate is a worthless piece of s**t and can't seem to come up with any help. I am scrambling to keep the basic essentials. I just hope that I can get some help from the local charities. I will be back as soon as I can. I am also trying to get a lawyer to help me apply for disability. It is my last resort as the surgery did not help and I am getting worse over time. I am getting a good education in being powerless. I don't like it at all. My hardest job will be not letting the depression take over. I survived this long so I'm not giving up anytime soon.

I am warning my friends and fans and anyone reading my blogs or site that I am in a very bad place emotionally right now. Please take what I say at this time with a little patience. Due to physical problems and life sucking in general I am very depressed. I will work through it but at my own pace. I do not want to take medication to falsely elevate my mood. That will not change the reason for the moods nor will it help me work through them. I know what is happening and I just have to figure out where my life is going after this. I have a lot of very very hard decisions to make. And I am the only on that can make them. I may not be on site much or just on to check out what is happening. Thanks