aLphameL's blog: "oHAI! [miscellaneous mutterings for meL's minions]"

1. What's in your pockets?

I don't have pockets - i'm in sweatpants.

2. What shoes are you wearing?

I'm home and thus shoeless.

3. What color is your top?

Lavender.

4. What does your wallet look like (the one you're currently using)?

It's a red and black leopard-print Michael Kors.

5. Grab the closest mag or book next to you, and type out the third full sentence on the third page (not counting intro, etc.).

"The ship ran straight into their attack and was overwhelmed."

6. What things do you collect?

Books, band memorabilia, limited-edition makeup, Bohemian glass and prints, mostly.

7. What music are you listening to right now? Or, what was the last thing you listened to?

DEADMAU5

8. What are you eating for your next meal?

Rice and beef stew.

9. How do you like your steak, if you eat it?

Rare or medium-rare, dependent upon the cut.

10. What's the last magazine you read?

A neuroscience periodical.

 

most of you know my best friend in real life is Caralina, my top fam member, who i met here on Fu. This was back in 2008. i’ve no idea what my life would look like without her, but i know it wouldn’t be nearly as rich.

~~

one thing i taught Caralina was that it’s ok to feel what you’re feeling. it’s what you do with it that matters. and one thing Caralina taught me, is it’s ok to express your feelings; FUCK PRIDE, she always reminds me, through Marsellus: “That's pride fuckin' wit’ you. Fuck pride! Pride only hurts, it never helps.” basically, i tell her when what she's doing with her feelings is no longer working, and she tells me when i'm IGNORING my feelings, publicly, to my own detriment.

~~

i’m an INTJ Leo. i was born hubris-ridden. i need to heed Carasellus’ words on an extremely regular basis.

~~

i’ve been outwardly feeling a lot lately; because Caralina is right. it’s not a sign of weakness unless you’re a serial whiner. i’ve never been good at feeling; i’m a Thinker and a Rationalist. but lately, Love taught me some of its odd, bizarre, secrets. because i’m still learning to lean on my friends and that it is OK to be weak, i sometimes don’t know what to do with sad feelings.

~~

so, i apologize that lately i have been – well, frankly, weirdly emo. yes. In un-Melissanian style, i even went ghost-face for several days. then, i publicly threatened to leave Fu b/c of the skins thing (it was shortlived b/c i reigned myself in). and in general, lots of sad statuses, passive-aggressive statuses, and even (bh) emoticons (something i have always been too prideful to use except tongue-in-cheek). while the (bh) and such are very appropriate when not used too much, the threatening to leave Fu tantrum was ridiculous. i apologize.

~~

thanks for bearing with me. I’ll get through this. the stress demands of mine – work, money (pride’s associated that that, too – i’ve never had to worry about money),  having to buy another car WHILE i was between jobs, trying to get over the serial bullying done to me at the company i worked for for seven years, by the CEO, a jealous psychopath who had no reason to be jealous of me (she’s the multi-millionaire)... it’s all piled up. everything happened at once. and, i lost my faith in Love. and in myself.

~~

as Brian, one of my boy besties likes to call it, i’ve been at “Zero Melissa.” not the happy, charmingly neurotic, positive, optimistic, love-will-conquer-all, chance-giving, TOO forgiving, helpful, sweet woman i try to be, mixed with SUPER HIGH CONFIDENCE and healthy ego. it's left the building right now....

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i’m still not back. please bear with  me; call me on my dumb shit before it goes further; and tell me if i’ve been ignoring you.

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thanks for sticking with me. 

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for a while, please remind me that i am a precious princess.

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thank you. i’m sorry i’ve been selfish and inactive lately, even when i am on fu. I don’t even rate my fam members everyday. i’m sorry, and reach out if YOU need ME. 

~~

i may delete this out of PRIDE and embarrassment. don't let me. 

:)

the thing i thank Daddy for the most, is teaching me what a real man is-- and isn't. it's probably the main reason i've remained so picky in my choice of mates, and have not chosen to marry yet. 

 

Daddy has never abused my Mamma, cheated on my Mamma, cursed at her, treated her very badly, or otherwise done any of those things it sadly appears so many men do. he has respected, loved, cherished, and upheld her. no, Daddy's not perfect, of course, but his soul is pure.

 

 

i've been told by lesser men that i expect too much from a man. so be it! i'm happy to be a model for others as i continue my search for Him.

 

 

a few fun facts:

• Daddeh is the type of daddeh who is hardcore masculine alpha male, but has been known to let baby ducks sleep on his neck at night.
• The daddeh in Meet the Parents was modeled after my Daddeh (just saying, boys...).
• Daddeh was lead guitarist and vocalist for a rock band called The Volumes that was almost signed by a big record label. Instead of choosing that lifestyle, Daddeh married my Mamma.

 

 

 

iLove my Daddeh so hard.

I fear that I'm ordinary, just like everyone To lie here and die among the sorrows Adrift among the days For everything I ever said And everything I've ever done is gone and dead As all things must surely have to end And great lovers will one day have to part I know that I am meant for this world My life has been extraordinary Blessed and cursed and won Time heals but I'm forever broken By and by the way... Have you ever heard the words I'm singing in these songs? It's for the girl I've loved all along Can a taste of love be so wrong [ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/K731 ] As all things must surely have to end And great lovers will one day have to part I know that I am meant for this world And in my mind as I was floating Far above the clouds Some children laughed I'd fall for certain For thinking that I'd last forever But I knew exactly where I was And I knew the meaning of it all And I knew the distance to the sun And I knew the echo that is love And I knew the secrets in your spires And I knew the emptiness of youth And I knew the solitude of heart And I knew the murmurs of the soul And the world is drawn into your hands And the world is etched upon your heart And the world so hard to understand Is the world you can't live without And I knew the silence of the world