MorningStar's blog: "A story about..."

You didn't handle things well at all. You lied, you shut me out, and you made me feel like shit. You insulted me. When I couldn't take anymore, I asked you to let me in, and what do you do? You tell me you're feeling “meh.” You tell me you got scared and stopped caring about me. Now, I'm just one of the ex girlfriends. You know, the ones you would tell me stories about; I will become fodder for the next story, won't I? The one you tell your next girlfriend. After you feed her all the lines you fed me first, of course.

I never wanted to let my guard down. I told you this. That is why I came across as “cold as fuck.” Yet you would serenade me, and tell me you never felt like this before, and you would talk about how crushed you would be if I left you. I guess the tables have turned, haven't they? No, I never saw us getting married or spending the rest of our lives together. In fact, I gave us 2 years tops. I figured by then, we would have just grown apart.

I think the thing that kills me the most is that there was no closure. I mean you lied about caring, what else did you lie about? Was everything you told me before and during our relationship complete bullshit? When you told me I was beautiful, and that you were crazy about me. When you told me that you actually wanted to be with me. When you told me I was unforgettable.

I know you sometimes mistreated me, I mistreated you sometimes, too. You would pressure me sometimes, and if I caved, I would be completely disgusted with myself for days afterward, but I never told you. I just wanted you to be happy and think everything is okay. Your short temper caused me to stay up many nights, trying to figure out how to cheer you up. I would swallow my pride and comfort you, losing more and more respect for myself every time. I mean, I ended up changing for you, and you didn't even notice.

Part of me hates you, though. I wish I did leave you, so maybe you could experience at least some of the pain I did. Hey, be happy, though, you got your way again. You broke up with another girl; you just left without looking back. Yeah, you asked me if I was okay, what was I supposed to say?

That hurts more than you could imagine. I know I was a horrible girlfriend, but I never thought I deserved to just be thrown away when you did not feel like being with me anymore. I invested so much into the relationship. I put my physical health at stake.

Maybe I tried too hard to be what I thought would be perfect in your eyes. I hate you. I don't trust you, either, which makes this “friendship” completely nonexistent.

I hope you get hurt someday. Not just hurt but torn to peices. I want to see your tears of blood. I want to see your bloody hands shake. I want you to feel empty when you awake. I want to take you and chew you up, then spit you out, and watch as voltures tear away at you decaying filthy flesh.

You said that you were just like me.  But you don't know who the fuck I am. You don't know anything about me, because you couldn't ever give a damn. You hurt me constantly. You're nothing to me, but a waste of time and a bad memory.  I fucking hate you!

Well-versed in the path of deception, you callously display your untruths. These lies form the ground you walk upon; the gaps now bridged by malice.  Equivocal is the tongue that you speak, and my ears can no longer bear it.  So provocative, yet always doing your best to prevaricate.

You sits alone crying to yourself.  Knowing that the words from your mouth are all lies.  You sits alone, shaking and realizing that the lies you tells only hurt yourself.

You're trying to stretch tales into truths, or expand your news thinking maybe people won't notice how boring your life is because in your closet sit your happy new skeletons.  And, as you sit there glueing together the bones you've picked from your brain... I'll question your innocent little game and think of how weak you became.  Now, I'm not one to talk about what complusive gems should and shouldn't be bought... And I'd hate for you to lose street value when you weave your tales of gold... But, don't you think it's all getting a little old?

I can’t stand the lies any longer... as your mouth forms the words, I’d like to sew your mouth shut and throw you out to the birds.  I can’t stand the constant lies.  These lies solve little to nothing, you dirty, filthy disgrace. 

You absolve me, repulse me, disgust me, appall me, I just don’t care for you.  All these things aren’t becoming, or fitting, or forming, I don’t even care for you.  For anything that spews from those revolting lips, I really don’t care for you. You’re nothing more... You’ve got no worth... And I just don’t care... With all of your teasing, your screaming, your broken reasoning, you’re treacherous and sickening.  All you want is pity, someone to have pity.  You try to be lovely, but you’re boastful and ugly.  And you somehow get what you want, what you don’t need, It’s just sickening.  All these things that you do for your lust and lost trust.  Why can’t you be something more than this whore?  Just stop wanting, hunting, and lusting for more.  I had thought you were lovely... But now you disgust me... I really don’t care... When I look in your eyes, I see nothing but lies, it’s then I realize, you’re not worth my time.

It must be hard keeping your stories straight when you can’t tell the truth twice in two sentences.  So, I’ll make it a little easier for you by refusing to listen to you anymore.

You make me sick, you really do.  I am so fucking disgusted and disturbed by you.