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TUESDAY'S JOKES
How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and Filthy but wearable"
How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three! One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.
What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside. ******************************************************************** WEDNESDAY'S JOKES
Did you hear about the man who won a gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.
What is the difference between men and women:....
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need...A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe. ******************************************************************** THURSDAY'S JOKES
What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
What did God say after creating Eve?
Practice makes perfect.
How does a man keep his youth?
By giving her money, clothes and diamonds.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes. ******************************************************************** FRIDAY'S JOKES
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"
Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time. ******************************************************************** SATURDAY'S JOKES
What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow. ******************************************************************** SUNDAY'S JOKE
Something's Wrong with my Dick
A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help you?"
"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied. The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you." he said. "We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your 'ear' or whatever."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my 'ear'," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"
"I can't piss out of it." the man replied.
