Kyler's blog: "Random Insights And Blogging"

Well... Ive been told to journal every day... so here it is, and I guess it does help a bit.  This morning is a good one.  Cold as fuck, but good.  Slept well, so the pressure and agrivation in my brain is minimal, and the smile on my face is blissful.  I love sleep.  I woke up to a frozen world, with the promise of up to seven inches today.  Trapped with the kid in a cast.  Fabulous.

I have an apt over the phone with my lawyer.  Today is more work on the final paperwork.  Assigning a power of attourney, and then an executor.  That will simplify shit a lot later.  No fucking wiggle room for any future fighting... all my shit is getting done.  How am I handling this?  Just business.  No room to cry or worse .. self pity with a time bomb in your brain.

I laugh ... a lot.  This is after all the worlds biggest joke.  I lived life fiercely and with a force about me.  Ive actually experienced so much in my life. And I do miss my husband and sons dearly... Im just in no big rush.  Thats all.

But the jokes.  OMG and I am my worse taunter.  I guess that is my coping ... laugh or cry.  How do you want to go out?  Eh, I have made my choice.

Suicide is the act of leaving this world through pain ... to end pain ....all about pain. And this is NOT it.  I have a brain tumor, it can either 1. burst and blow ... or 2. smother my brain into death.  Best case scenario I have a few years.

Acceptance is knowing that there isn't shit I can do about my end... and making the best out of it.

Really what is the differance between me and you?  After all, we are all born with a death sentance, it's just that I have a shorter timeline.  Literally THREE people know on the "real end of my life."  This forum is the only time I have been open.  Why?  hahahahahaha  you tell someone your dying and YOU see how people change around you .... 

FUCK that.  lets live... lets have fun, and lets make some awesome memories.  fuck all that crying shit.  that is NOT how I am going out.  Bitches, Im going out with sparklers, glitter and a sashe away!