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Bertha.... well, did a procedure and things got better .... for a bit, and now we are back to square one. The war is not yet over... and I am not done fighting.
Memorial day marks a year since my rape. My night terrors and sleep paralisys are back, and sleeping is literally HELL. I am hoping that this will pass as the holiday does and things will get back to normal. Give me strength.
I spent my entire life in martial arts ... a third degree black belt now. And that night, I was drugged, and there was literally NO way that I was able to save myself. The horror. The failure. The defeat.
I look at myself in the mirror now and stare at my reflection. I still see the kindness, the love within me but it is shrouded in memories of pain. Now I can let it suffocate me ... drown me ... or I can stand up... stare BACK into that mirror, grab the knife and FIGHT. I am finally getting back to the me I love... it has taken the majority of the year. I'm NOT going to let it take me down.
Give me strength or give me death. I will NOT live in FEAR.
