Kyler's blog: "yup"

I wake up at two am. I dream of him, longing for him, wanting to touch. But cant... oh well, maybe tonight. I want to call but it is WAY too early. Hum de dum my day and mom calls from work telling me that my grandfather is in the hospital with his ticker. My grandfather is no spring chicken. Then get into it with my bf. Onion juice squirted in my eye when I made breakfast... go figure. So~ Thanks for playing boys and girls, I am going back to bed.

Life Seems so easy, To come and to go Pain leads to heartache Please say it isn’t so. Times are getting tough, Never knowing definite to do- Just when you think you’ve got it down, Cant follow enough to see it through. Sometimes love just isn’t enough Seems to rip you apart inside. Trying to put it together again, Leads to a different ride. It’s the Suicide Solution, Which is only a complex illusion- Just another escape route Try to take it another good bout. It is the Suicide Solution- Just a stupid quest of desertion, If you try to keep your head above, I will stand by you with all my love. Please don’t tell me good bye… I cant take it- I just might cry- Hold me tight and tell me your woes, I will hold your own on your foes. It only takes one more day to walk through- Don’t you know what you can do? One minute in time will you see… What life can truly hope to be. It’s the Suicide Solution, Which is only a complex illusion- Just another escape route Try to take it another good bout. It is the Suicide Solution- Just a stupid quest of desertion, If you try to keep your head above, I will stand by you with all my love.

think I am going nuts. He is making me insane. Cant stop from him being on my mind. While he works I think of him, and I wait for his calls. That makes me nervous. My stomache flutters I cant talk to him... tongue tied. want to be there for him~ want to love him~ want him to trust me... I promised to be his one and only. I will honor that. I wish that I could take care of him... to cook and clean, to make happy~ What a day.

~yesterday I told my crush that I was falling for him. And I feel like a complete ass. Ive done things in the past that I am not proud of, and I am afraid that it is going to bite my happiness in the ass. ~Things have been different since I have been seeing him, but *shrug* who knows. ~been seriously considering leaving fubar again... or just walk away for a while so that I can fix the life that I have *outside of the box*.

Well I was suppose to go out last night, but since I am sitting here at the computer...this did not happen. But shit happens, and thats life, and another day will come. What frickin gets me is that I cant sleep. I woke up at midnight last night. ... then went to bed again until three...tossed and turned until I woke up and got outta bed at four. Im not so cold anymore, so it wasnt that. But I have been having some funky assed dreams... maybe that has something with it? Not nightmares last night ... just bizarre. Oh! BTW Happy Turkey day!

I love his kisses ripping out my soul Hands groping my body throwing me around. Thinking of him constantly... desperatly cautious. I could easily lose myself in his eyes... no matter how hard I try.