Chrissy in CT's blog: "The toughest woman i know..."

PHENOMENAL WOMAN by Maya Angelou Pretty women wonder where my secret lies I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size But when I start to tell them They think I'm telling lies. I say It's in the reach of my arms The span of my hips The stride of my steps The curl of my lips. I'm a woman Phenomenally Phenomenal woman That's me. I walk into a room Just as cool as you please And to a man The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees Then they swarm around me A hive of honey bees. I say It's the fire in my eyes And the flash of my teeth The swing of my waist And the joy in my feet. I'm a woman Phenomenally Phenomenal woman That's me. Men themselves have wondered What they see in me They try so much But they can't touch My inner mystery. When I try to show them They say they still can't see. I say It's in the arch of my back The sun of my smile The ride of my breasts The grace of my style. I'm a woman Phenomenally Phenomenal woman That's me. Now you understand Just why my head's not bowed I don't shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud When you see me passing It ought to make you proud. I say It's in the click of my heels The bend of my hair The palm of my hand The need for my care. 'Cause I'm a woman Phenomenally Phenomenal woman THAT'S YOU.

My oldest memories of my uncle (my mother's brother) was him chasing a jackrabbit around the back yard of my grandparents house, of his old car that he had, of the country music he and my family all played on saturday nights around the kitchen table (which i used to fall asleep under listening) to getting my ass beat for being to lazy to go into the house to go to the bathroom and getting caught peeing in the yard behind a rock lol. He passed away tonight. One of the last two people on earth who remember me from baby on up. Who dried my tears, fixed my boo boos, beat my ass and loved me no matter what. He had a hard life. Was an alcoholic most of it moving around from job to job with a wife and two kids. She stuck by him ...35 years. Now with two grown children and several grandchildren. The years of abusing his body took its toll. Cardiovascular disease, diabetes and emphysema. I wish i could say what I am feeling at this very moment. Given the previous blog I did of the other day about my job and crazy boss and now this news I'm feeling quite disjointed about life in general. Im not asking why but what next? I havent even cried. I rejoice in my heart for him to not have to suffer anymore. Its no fun watching someone die. I've done it several times before with other numerous family members. In fact I feel they are the lucky ones. No more suffering and problem solving. Just peace..hopefully. In my life at this present time thats all i seek...peace of mind, heart and soul. I dont believe you have to die to achieve this but wonder where in the world to find it. Perhaps I am going about it in the wrong way. I need to find it from within. I will be out of the loop for a few days once i find out the details of when and where will be off to Baltimore. Say a prayer for those of us left behind if you have the time or inclination. I could use all the help i can get. Love you, Chrissy

As many of you may or may not know i have been embroiled in this internal struggle with the values of my employer. The fire at his property across the parking lot from where i work and live which was also his property has been the deciding factor in my decision finally to leave his employment. I am his property manager, and as i watched out my office window in tears at the flames and smoke my main concern was the safety of the tenants...not money...or loss of property. Unlike to my boss, these people are my neighbors, friends and adopted family not just tenants that fill his properties and his bank accounts to fund his vacations, projects and the latest gift to his young wife or kids. Wayne - a fisherman who loves his boat and the water more than anything in the world. Barry- Longtime electric boat worker who likes to dance, loves art and cooking and gardening. Matt and his new wife - Navy sub guy who saw the fire from the submarine, newly married, just recently lost a baby and now lost everything they owned. Dottie - The most amazingly strong woman other than myself i know. The Ken's Tackle Shop has been in business for 50 years. Ken was her dad. She has run the business alone for 35 years. A Groton landmark known all over the country for its bait and tackle and the many stories of history in the neighborhood. I love you Dottie. This blog is for these people i love and wish that i could do more for to help them. The building that housed them was 105 years old and had survived many hurricanes, nor easters and many owners. It did not survive this one and if i dont leave his employment...neither will i. Afterthought: The night of the fire i had the firefighters save dotties store sign for the tackle shop before destruction began. I told her i would house it at the thames for her till she could get it. The next day the boss said to her "I had them take your sign down for you"...she said no you didnt...Chris did...:) RIP KEN'S TACKLE and god bless all my tenants and help them to rebuild their lives.

"Chrissy"mas 2007 Firstly let me wish you and yours a very happy holiday season before i begin my yearly blog of reflection. As i sit here thinking about things over the past year one thing comes to the forefront of my mind time and time again. My friends. If any of you have known me long enough to know my life (and some of you know alot) you will know that this past year has been one of trial and continuous change. For me it has flown by so fast its been a blur. But the one constant in all this are the people who stand behind me and beside me no matter what, through all the bs in my life. Lending and ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, a kick in my ass when needed and so much more that i cant even begin to think of except for much love and laughter. Donna...you are my rock and my sister and my bitch! and a life friend. You are articulate and funny and caring and one of the finest people i know....i love you and i say that without hesitation...you are family! Steph...a new friend who came from the most unlikely circumstances and has become someone i not only admire but enjoy speaking to, laughing with and talking about each other's lives. We share much but are very different also and in some ways the differences compliment. I hope to get to know you even better and become closer....thank you for your friendship and so much more! Vince...lol ur FAMILY...my friend, confidant, strongest defender and ally and the sweetest most honest person i know. I love you vinnie! John (Jonel)...another long time friend i would be lost without. The weekly phone calls and laughing and problemsolving and just catching up are something i so look forward to. Is there anything we dont talk about...oh and dont forget to check the hotdogs! lol...I absolutely adore your friendship and would be so lost without you! I love you to death! Now i could list all 12,000 of you lol if i had the space and fubar had the bandwidth...but i cant...so many of you are special to me in so many ways. I am in a better position than i was last year at this time...not ideal but better. You all helped me to get there. I just want you to know that Fubar is not all about points and rank and ratings and Happy Hours. Its about very real people who are the best and i love them very much! Check out my family! They are the creme of the bunch! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all!

Firstly good morning to all the insomniacs here and those with shit on their mind like me at this ungodly hour of the morning lol! This is just me rambling my thoughts in type because they weigh heavy on my mind tonight. Not only am i stuffed up, sunburnt and had to go check the office for a suspected burglar (false alarm) but am wondering about my life too. Why is it that someone with 10,000 friends can feel so insecure in herself sometimes? Perhaps its not me that im insecure in, it's the relationships i form with others. I myself hold myself to the highest degree of being straightforward and honest with EVERYONE! I am not and have never been the female version of a player on this site or in real life. I expect that honesty from everyone who engages me in conversation, friendship or otherwise. Perhaps im naive and thats why it hurts me so much when i feel i am being decieved by anyone. Its so easy to play games with a person's head and heart here and as "tough" as i maintain i am there is that small part of me that is marshmallow in substance and gets me in trouble everytime. All i have ever wanted in this life is to be loved by someone. Someone told me today i could command the hearts of 100,000 men and i told them i only wish to have one heart that is true and for only me. Sounds simple enough right? lol I dont think it is anymore. The funny thing is that no matter what roads i take in life i know in my heart that I'm ok and will survive what ever disappointments life has to offer. Maybe its the old saying of having to earn your rewards before you recieve them. Crap im 45 when do i cash in? lol Well enuff rambling for now i gotta try to sleep so i can deal with my narcissitic megolomaniac boss at 9am. Love and kisses to you all and thanks for listening (and to those who fell asleep reading this...yw for the sedative)lol! chrissy

He supplied your life with a good dowry as well. Who provided the world with a wonderful prodigy. In addition, any man can say ‘ I love you to a woman’ But when he says it, The questions, Can u feel it down in your soul? Does it arouse your passion.? Does it spark your internal flame? Does it satisfy the emptiness of your heart? Does it cover you with delight in the inward parts? Do you sign because it has affected you? Your eyes flood with tears because you are genuinely loved And you have been swept, caressed and loved on the inside. That you cry because it feels so right. Your emotions are so attentive ,your body feels like its floating on air. And you look in his eyes and see it’s genuine because His heart has been unlocked by the key he is beholding near. He cries in unison with the one he loves so dear, for he feels virtue leaving his body., giving to the one he holds so dear to his heart. Life nor death can separate their lives because it is bundled up in one life, one purpose Two becomes one, a mystery that others have not attained because they have not Known true love , that eternal and everlasting….

The Toughest Woman I know... The toughest woman I know was molested from 7-10 by her stepfather. Grew up from learning to take care of herself and trying to protect herself because no one else would/did. The toughest woman I know buried herself in "fat" to make sure no one would ever hurt her again. Took the jeers, laughs and torments because it was the lesser of the evils that she had been shown in life thus far. The toughest woman I know married a man and had a child at 28. The greatest gift she ever received. She endured this man 11 years while also living with and taking care of parents and grandparents. Working 60 plus hours a week to support all of them. When all the elderly ones had finally passed she took control of her life. Lost 120 pounds in 10 mos and another 170 of a useless man. The toughest woman I know then endured another heartbreak. The man she had shared her life with showed his true self while in charge of her son. Was arrested for indecent sexual intercourse with a minor...a 14 year old boy. They had engaged her son in some of this activity and she had to travel across the country to retrieve the joy in her life from foster care and try to put his life back together. He was 8 years old. The toughest woman I know fell apart at this point. Memories of her own abuse and her perception that she had not been able to protect her own child spiraled her into a deep depression. Almost agoraphobic she believed everyone to know how horrible a parent she was. Anxiety ridden, sleep deprived she was saved by a friend who helped her get the therapy she needed and to pull her life back together. The toughest woman I know has lived in 5 different states trying to find her place and peace of mind. Has raised her child totally alone since 1998 with no child support because she did not want this ex to have access to her child. Leave sleeping dogs lie and do it on your own. The toughest woman I know has lost her child to the State of Connecticut when a “conscientious reporter” reported her to the state after she refused to let him (a 45 year old man) hang with her then 12 year old child. He even made a 911 call accusing her of child abduction of a 4 year old boy. He was never charged with false reporting because in Connecticut "conscientious reporters" are protected by law. He was later found to be homosexual and dying of HIV and had done this repeated times on other occasions. But she lost her child to the state for 2.5 years. Then fought and battled the state of Connecticut and won. Her attorney called her “wonder woman” The toughest woman I know has lost two homes, has had to file bankruptcy twice and has moved across the country to Texas to start over. That has not been an easy feat either. 4 months after arriving in Texas she started to bleed and had to have a hysterectomy. 2 weeks after the operation she complained of pain in her rectum and was ignored. Ignored again at 6 weeks she did what she had to do and went back to work. Three months later in agony and frustration she called her gynecologist and insisted he listen to her and he sent her to a GI doctor. That prompted a 2nd surgery for a now egg sized ulceration in her rectum. She had that surgery in October and is still home struggling to heal. She also has Systemic Lupus which has hindered her healing. She has lost her job, her car is dead and she is now facing yet more struggles just to survive. To the toughest woman I know problem solving is a daily thing. Trying to feed, clothe, shelter this child she had 16 years ago and loves so much. Looking into his sad eyes at this Christmas time and knowing that there will be nothing under the tree for either of them. Yet still she perseveres. She has learned to let go of her pride and ask service organizations, churches, welfare, social security anyone who will listen. She has nothing of value, no possessions, no family to turn to...yet she has a multitude of love and support online. These people are her family, her friends, her lifeline. Here she can vent and let go and laugh and cry and is shown compassion, love and friendship. In that she is the wealthiest woman on the planet. The toughest woman I know may end up in a shelter, or with no hot water, or electric, the car is still dead and nothing seems to be going right. But she can still laugh between the tears, can still find hope and of this Im very certain....SHE WILL SURVIVE! You ask me who she is? Me.... Me is now at a better place somewhat and trying to get on with things the best i can. All i can say to the many who commented on this previously, without all of you i would not have made it here. Your constant calls and encouraging words made carried me through this process in December to now. And you have my utmost love and gratitude for being the best friends in all the world. Cherry Tap is ridden with drama queens/kings and shallowness and hate at times, but I have been more blessed with the goodness of you all than the bad. Look for some model photos in the next week from my first ever photo shoot with a professional and wish me luck! I love you all!

The Toughest Woman I know... The toughest woman I know was molested from 7-10 by her stepfather. Grew up from learning to take care of herself and trying to protect herself because no one else would/did. The toughest woman I know buried herself in "fat" to make sure no one would ever hurt her again. Took the jeers, laughs and torments because it was the lesser of the evils that she had been shown in life thus far. The toughest woman I know married a man and had a child at 28. The greatest gift she ever received. She endured this man 11 years while also living with and taking care of parents and grandparents. Working 60 plus hours a week to support all of them. When all the elderly ones had finally passed she took control of her life. Lost 120 pounds in 10 mos and another 170 of a useless man. The toughest woman I know then endured another heartbreak. The man she had shared her life with showed his true self while in charge of her son. Was arrested for indecent sexual intercourse with a minor...a 14 year old boy. They had engaged her son in some of this activity and she had to travel across the country to retrieve the joy in her life from foster care and try to put his life back together. He was 8 years old. The toughest woman I know fell apart at this point. Memories of her own abuse and her perception that she had not been able to protect her own child spiraled her into a deep depression. Almost agoraphobic she believed everyone to know how horrible a parent she was. Anxiety ridden, sleep deprived she was saved by a friend who helped her get the therapy she needed and to pull her life back together. The toughest woman I know has lived in 5 different states trying to find her place and peace of mind. Has raised her child totally alone since 1998 with no child support because she did not want this ex to have access to her child. Leave sleeping dogs lie and do it on your own. The toughest woman I know has lost her child to the State of Connecticut when a “conscientious reporter” reported her to the state after she refused to let him (a 45 year old man) hang with her then 12 year old child. He even made a 911 call accusing her of child abduction of a 4 year old boy. He was never charged with false reporting because in Connecticut "conscientious reporters" are protected by law. He was later found to be homosexual and dying of HIV and had done this repeated times on other occasions. But she lost her child to the state for 2.5 years. Then fought and battled the state of Connecticut and won. Her attorney called her “wonder woman” The toughest woman I know has lost two homes, has had to file bankruptcy twice and has moved across the country to Texas to start over. That has not been an easy feat either. 4 months after arriving in Texas she started to bleed and had to have a hysterectomy. 2 weeks after the operation she complained of pain in her rectum and was ignored. Ignored again at 6 weeks she did what she had to do and went back to work. Three months later in agony and frustration she called her gynecologist and insisted he listen to her and he sent her to a GI doctor. That prompted a 2nd surgery for a now egg sized ulceration in her rectum. She had that surgery in October and is still home struggling to heal. She also has Systemic Lupus which has hindered her healing. She has lost her job, her car is dead and she is now facing yet more struggles just to survive. To the toughest woman I know problem solving is a daily thing. Trying to feed, clothe, shelter this child she had 16 years ago and loves so much. Looking into his sad eyes at this Christmas time and knowing that there will be nothing under the tree for either of them. Yet still she perseveres. She has learned to let go of her pride and ask service organizations, churches, welfare, social security anyone who will listen. She has nothing of value, no possessions, no family to turn to...yet she has a multitude of love and support online. These people are her family, her friends, her lifeline. Here she can vent and let go and laugh and cry and is shown compassion, love and friendship. In that she is the wealthiest woman on the planet. The toughest woman I know may end up in a shelter, or with no hot water, or electric, the car is still dead and nothing seems to be going right. But she can still laugh between the tears, can still find hope and of this Im very certain....SHE WILL SURVIVE! You ask me who she is? Me....