Chronic Spoonie's blog: "New Year, New Start, Crap"

may be phnemonia.. or Im dying, I hope Im dying, I hate feeling like this... any ways, thats why I havent been on in a few. Going to the Drs in the morning, so... hopefully Ill get better and be back soon.. leave me comments to let me know you missed me.. if you dont, oh well.. no one really does. after all it is the internet world.. all fake anyways.. so i feel like crap, more like a hot steaming pile o shit.. so im going to bed now.. or im gonna dope up n codine and go to sleep. talk to everyone later.

Read my last blog, this is a continuation. Entitled My Reputation has been hurt. Recently, my reputation was scarred. I was lead to believe that several people (employed in both lounges) have complained about me for doing or not doing things. Then I had time to step back, breath, and really look at the situation. There were only 2 people employed at both lounges, myself and someone I trust with all my heart and soul, and had nothing to do with it. So no one lied ABOUT me, just lied to me... and made me doubt my friendship with innocent people. I am truly offended and hurt by this. I take my friendships very seriously. I don’t let just anyone in my heart, I don’t trust people easily. And when someone outright lies to me, about why something happened, and covers it up with another lie just to look like the innocent party. I DO NOT TOLERATE LIES! I feel like someone I adored, trusted and confided in, backstabbed me in the worst possible way one friend can do to another. So as a result, our so-called friendship is no longer offered. I know now who my true friends are and where loyalty lays. I am sorry it had to come to this. But if I was told the truth from the very beginning, then this friendship wouldn’t have been torn. So don’t worry anymore about my relationship with your lounge. I will no longer be in there from this day forward. Prove myself? I prove myself to no one who discards friendships for such egotistical… Never mind. I am not getting into that here. I am done with it, and you.

My reputation has been hurt this past weekend and I didn’t even know about it until today. By people who’s names have not been mentioned to me, yet I know them, and have spent A LOT of my time with in a lounge I considered my family. Things were assumed about my doings, or lack there of on Fubar that simply were not true or greatly blown out of proportion. The lounge I was apart of for maybe a year sadly closed, yet in some way split into two other lounges which I stayed with. I helped both out as much as possible. Yes I made a big mistake once and learned from it, made my peace, apologize to the people I hurt. But that’s not the point. I was helping out one more than the other because it needed my help. But my help was not scene by the individuals who assumed. And if they are reading this… I’m NOT bad mouthing…I am simply expressing my thoughts. No names of anyone or lounges are being mentioned for anonymity and to protect the ones I have come to love. Which is why I am so hurt by this. Now I have to prove myself? I was a part of the family for so long, finally made manager to help out, and I do so… never mind… Those who know me, truly know me, know my reputation to be a great friend, a fun and loving person, a loyal and giving individual… all that was trashed by mere assumptions and it pisses me off and hurts me to no extent. I have been debating whether or not to just leave both lounges and join another as I have been invited by a long time friend on Fubar, so as to NOT choose between the lounges and hurt long time friends by doing so. I never like to hurt people, especially those that are dear to me. And to not start anything else.. please don't ask me who, what, when, where. I don't want to start anything or add to anything. Im just here to vent is all. I don’t know. I just don’t. I’m just hurt.

B'Cause I Care About Your TaTa's

okay all.. Im leaving in the morning to CANCUN for 3 days! Ill be back on Sunday! Its my baby brothers wedding.. so leave me love when Im gone cause ill miss the hell out of all of you! XOXOXOXO Agony

today was my first day working security in a huge hotel. the day started with my batterie dying as I got to work. then as i was taking a tour of the hotel, a guest of the hotel died in my arms. I saw him joking around with a friend of his, turned to us (a co-worker who was giving me the tour) once they parted, and started asking a question, then grabbed my shoulder and squeezed it, grabbed his chest and fell over on me, i fell to the floor with him on top of me. I kept my calm as thats who i am in intense situations, help arrived, Neither i or security could find a pulse.. paramedics arrived and pronounced him DOA. I never had anyone die in my arms before. He was so young and died of a heart attack. I stayed the rest of the day.. if I left early when HR and my manager were trying to tell me to go, I wouldnt be able to come in again.. so I stayed. Im just so saddned by this experience. to see the fear and pain in his eyes and they fixated on mine. till i saw his life leave him. so Im sad today.. I have to wait till 9 pm to talk to jimmie. i need him so. *sigh*

September 16, 2007 - Sunday My life so far... Current mood: loved Category: Life Well, 2 more weeks till Im in CANCUN! I can't thank my parents enough.. I still wasnt able to come up with enough money for the wedding package and my Dad said he would talk to Mom about paying for my package, with the promise to pay them back. I didn't ask them, they are already doing SO MUCH FOR ME! I am so greatful to them. I was crying myself to sleep thinking I wouldnt EVER be able to go to my only brothers wedding. With the package is; airfair to and from, Hotel, food, (unlimited)drinks, cab fairs, and gratuity. So as my family is going off to explore Cancun, Im happy to sit my butt on the BEACH and drink up the unlimited Margaritas the whole time. Now that I have my passport, I can always save up and come back to do all the touristy stuff. Jimmie really really wanted to come and be my wedding date, but as God teaches you, planning your own life never works out. Jimmie just took his test to go back to Nursing School. He starts on the 24th this month! Im so proud of you Jimmie and I LOVE YOU! Stick with it no matter what happens in your personal life, DONT LET ANYONE GIVE YOU ANY EXCUSES TO QUIT! I found a job at a place called Cresent Processing Company for making appointmets. well.. found out its a telemarketing job and I hated it. I loved being able to wear COMFORTABLE clothes though.. but I applied back in the Hyatt family, at the downtown Dallas Hyatt. Someone heard me talking to them on my lunch break and then Hyatt called Cresent for a refference. So I was fired. yup my first time ever being fired. I was going to quit anyways because the lady from HR at the Hyatt told me "off the record, training/orientation starts on tuesday 9/18, we will call you monday to officially hire you." So I will be anxiously waiting tomorrow for that call. I went to the smelly grapevine lake yesterday with Kris, Leanne, Bridgette & her kids Jazz & Trey, and the girls (Dakota & Chyan *Kris & Leannes dogs*, Cierra & Doby *Bridgetts dogs*) Had a good time. soaked up the sun, practicing for Cancun.. working on my burn.. ha ha I dont tan I burn. So I have a little pinkish red on my shoulders and chest.. not much. But at the lake, I really wasnt going to go swimming.. but I was getting hot, so I walked into the lake, and just standing there.. Till Leanne dunked me in.. hahahahaha.. Well.. 2 more weeks till AMY IS A BACHER! I cant wait! Mike, Amy and Dad just left to take their portraits. Dad took mine a couple weeks ago. Anyways... Jimmie is sick now with pnemonia.. I wish I could be there to spoil him and help him get better. That Kentucky air is so bad for him. once he starts school, he is saving to move down here, and transfer his schooling down here so we can finally be together. I love him so much. It scares me sometimes that we will never meet and never be together. that since this sounds too good to be true, it is.. because as we all know, if it is to good to be true, IT IS. Im not wanting to get my hopes up in anything concerning our future together.. but I cant help it when Im talking with him.. He makes my world seem right. We'll see. Currently listening : In Dis Life By Israel Kamakawiwo’ole Release date: 20 December, 1996

I was riding with my dad, and he hydroplaned on the highway: I35 @ belknap, but Saturn cars correct themselves when something like that happens, but at it was correcting itself, we were headed towards another car, so my dad grabbed the wheel and jerked it to the sides, we hit a light pole and skidded down a steep embankment... we were lucky the car didnt flip a million times Im in pain.. Cant get ahold of Jimmie.. getting sleepy, I hurt bye.

I hate mumm folk, so if you are a mummer, this blog is completely for blasting you fuckers. I was making some mumms the other day asking silly questions because I was in a funny mood and I needed points.. yes I was being a point whore, I just wanted to level up so I can add new pictures of my black hair.. anyways, one mummer was very very very rude to me in a comment, i dont mind mean mumms and people calling me names, i was finding it quite funny, but he went too far, so I added a comment and it offended the mumm folk i guess because my mumm was deleted and now I cant make anymore mumms. WTF!? I see worse comments left on mumms then what I left. They are a bunch of crying bitchy babies. Dont get me wrong, some days i love just reading mumms, rating them and leaving my own comments, but damn... come on.. anyways, thanks again for letting me rant and rave, ill shut up now and go back to drinking. XOXOXO *flashes bewbies*

Well it's about damn time, I'M A WORKING GIRL NOW! I finally found a freakin job, not my cup-o-tea, but it's a hell of a lot easier to find a job with a job than no job. so Ill stick with it till then.. OH and IM GOING TO CANCUN! WOOT! I just booked my trip and everything.. Im staying my ass on the BEACH the whole fucking time and drinking the UNLIMITED Margaritas! Im so excited! unfortunatley Jimmie isnt able to be my wedding date as we wanted, his check are still being screwed with. but oh well, no I have a passport and ill be able to go anywhere for longer. I've never been out of the country, and NO i dont count growing up in HAWAI'I as being out of the country.. ITS A FRIGGEN STATE DAMNIT! okay so no I'm at Ericas house, Miss Morbid in my family, and drinking cause its FRIDAY. I cant drink too much because I have a bachelorette party to go to tomorrow. just thought I would catch all of you up for those who take their time to read up on me, and I LOVE YOU FOR IT! THANKS! well.. back to drinking, time for another shot of SOCO! WOOT! Fallen Angels, I LOVE YOU! YOU RAWK! Ill be back soon.