Chronic Spoonie's blog: "My poetry *COPYWRITTEN*"

Searching for inspiration Hearing the rain fall, And the rolls of thunder in the sky Your hand caressing my neck, Your thumb glides to my lips Your fingers hold my neck as I kiss your thumb Leaning down behind me, I feel your lips glide from shoulder to shoulder Leaning my head back for you We kiss so deep, so passionately I forget where I am or what I was doing Big strong comforting arms lift me from the chair Candles light the bedroom Portishead plays from the speakers Gently laying me on the bed Kissing my toes, my chins, my knees Kissing kissing kissing all the way up To my forehead and licking behind my ears Biting my lip I let out a soft moan And trace the muscles of your back Digging my nails every so slightly into your skin Your growl arousing me deep inside I bite your shoulder and wrap my legs tight around you Arching my back and you look into my eyes Your look asking for permission I reach up for another kiss as I thrust up Taking you into me, Giving myself to you Offering my pureness to you and you alone Making love to each other for the first time And certainly not the last Magic fills the air Wishes coming true Rains pour harder Thunder rolls louder Orgasm after orgasm we come together “MERCY” you cry as I smile and giggle Giving you thos precious five minutes

You say you love me You tell me you want all my dreams to come true I’m the woman you want to say “I do” to, Your future wife, you tell me with your liquid courage You confess to me thoughts I’ve only dreamt of someone saying to me You share with me your fears We have so much in common you and I Yet so many differences We bond on so many special levels For as long as I can remember I’ve fantasized about you all my life And still you are just Out of reach Out of touch Out of sight What scares me most is when your anxiety attacks full force And you want to give up on your life Telling me everyone will be better off without you You couldn’t be more wrong my love You couldn’t get any more delusional Fears from your past haunt you And keep you out of my life I am not your past baby, But your future Your love Your life I have nothing to do with your past But everything to do with our potential I love you I want you I need you My love, my present, my future

I miss you Waking up in the morning Reaching to my side is emptiness Inhaling the pillow not a scent of you Placing the tiny vile of your blood in my mouth I dial my voice mail only to hear your voice again Stretching and yawning, combing my hair back I get out of my warm lonely empty bed Take my morning shower and dress Looking behind me at nothing… No one in my room but me I miss you

I need a place of darkness I need a dwelling of trust An abyss to call my own With strength to pull me through I need a box to enclose me I need a burrow of hope A void to hold my tears With room enough for a torrent of madness I need a soul to hold me I need a heart of passion A warmth to clutch and seize With protection from unexpected storms I need you to hold me I need you to trust me A love so deep and pure With no doubt or fear of the past But anticipation and excitement For what we have yet to do Strong we are together With NO ONE or ANY THING to get in our way

DEMONS WHISPERS they come like the wind back to my mind telling those lies I've tried so hard to forget lack of sleep and fever only help those words come ever so clearly into my broken spirit so easily as if they never left no one here to help chase them away all I can do is listen and look for my beloved paper clips, for my delicious agony to return in beautiful crimson color seeping through my skin as i scratch, scratch, scratch away the pain. giving myself control yet again over something, anything. tears flood into my eyes as i throw the bent pieces of metal across the room and I scream, holding my hair so tight it might rip out. demons whisper into my ears you are fat, you are stupid, you are so ugly.. no wonder why he stays in Kentucky. Its so clear why you are still single, why all anyone has wanted from you is sex, because that's all you're worth. STUPID, FAT AND UGLY! You are destined to be alone.. remember me telling you this not to long ago? alone.. alone.. alone I rip the shiny dull metal clip across my skin again and again and again watching my skin tear away needing to see the deep red seep through look, there it is, I CONTROLLED THIS something I can control.. making a new line across my arm, and another, and another Shooting up out of my sleep, I look down to my arm, holding it nothing there.. I glare at the clock with its bright green numbers 2:04 AM. Damn, 4 minutes of sleep tonight.. I click on the T.V.. nothing but re-runs, I open my poetry book and words spill out as if they have been held captive stretching my neck, turning my head, rolling my shoulders.. I push my fingers into my eyes... God please bring me sleep, restful sleep.

Days go by The hours tick away As the days turn into weeks All I can do is ask "why?" And hope this is the day When I finally fall asleep. The moon crosses the night sky as it's done every night in the past My eyes stay open And I start to cry Afraid of the nightmare returning fast I feel myself becoming broken. The headache is back again My eyes grow red Yawns start their attack My eyes are open, yet the dreams begin Have the mermaids been fed? Did I just see a donkey turn into Shaq? Oh no, not now, I'm at work Thats was just my dream, not real snow Wake up! Wake up! Shaking my head to get out the quirks Six more hours till it's time to go I just want to sleep and not wake up. Of course now I'm home And sleep is nowhere to be found I'm looking at the bottle of little white pills Hoping against hope Dreams and sleep will not allow My body and mind to chill

My friends says I shouldn't be treated this way, But I don't know any better, They say that you degrade me, That we shouldn't be together, They say you disrespect me, I guess I know it's true, After all I am quite hurt, I don't speak like that to you, They say it should have ended, That first night you pushed me, I guess that's why I broke it off, I hate the way you treated me, Tell me now when you look in my direction, Am I just a piece of dirt you see? My friends say I deserve much more, I see it now, it's true, So im dedacating this hurtful poem, To everyone thats been hurt, By a person such as you...

My heart has been beaten My heart has been bruised My heart has felt more hurt, Than I thought it could handle. My heart is true My heart never lies My heart aches My heart has been bruised No longer a beautiful red No longer as strong as it was Black and blue And weaker than ever My heart has been bruised My heart is bruised But it will heal As soon as it forgets You and everything you did My heart has been bruised It won’t ever be as strong as is was But I will never be broken You are not that strong My heart has been bruised But bruised is better, Than broken.

Do you feel like a man when you pushed me that night? Do you feel like a man when I had to fight back? Do you feel like a man when I cried myself to sleep? Do you feel like a man when you look yourself in the mirror? Do you feel like a man when you hear my cried plights? Do you feel like a man when you cut me no slack? Do you feel like a man when you stood over me on your drunken feet? Do you feel like a man when I awake in horror? Do you feel more like a man when you hurt me again? Do you feel more like a man when I could take no more? Do you feel more like a man when you pushed me again when all I wanted was a hug? Do you feel more like a man when you dont even bargain? Do you feel more like a man when you called me the whore? Do you feel more like a man when I have to put you do bed because youre too drunk? Did you feel like a man when I had the courage to leave you? Did you feel like a man when I never even told you I was going? Did you feel like a man when I finally put you in your place? Did you feel like a man now that you are alone with only your haunted demons? Did you feel like a man when I said I was afraid of you? Did you feel like a man when I finally saw the little boy still growing? Did you feel like a man when I said youve already been replaced? Did you feel like a man when you realized I was a stronger WOMAN?

Tonight I just want to be alone. Alone in this loud, packed crazy room. Music and base so loud My whole body vibrates with its energy. ~All Alone ~~Eyes Closed ~~ Sweat Drenched ~~ My World ~~ Heart Pumping ~~ Dancing Alone ~~ With dancing souls surrounding me, And music pumping, makes me feel alive. As the song blends into the next, I start to jump with excitement ~All Alone ~~ Eyes Closed ~~ Sweat Drenched ~~ My World ~~ Heart Pumping ~~ Dancing Alone Dressed in Goth, damn Im hot Needing a Kiss, Needing contact... Yet wanting solitude in this rowdy crowd. I can't stop, won't stop, DANCE DANCE DANCE ~All Alone ~~ Eyes Closed ~~ Sweat Drenched ~~ My World ~~ Heart Pumping ~~ Dancing Alone ~~