Chronic Spoonie's blog: "New Year, New Start, Crap"

I went to her house lastnight, with having already had some margaritas and stuff in me, and drank more soco and bacardi mojitos.. had some candle wax dripped on my cleavage and now I have wax on my favorite shirt! so i need to iron it out with wax paper er something. Im so tired, not much of a headache thank God. anyways a bunch of us are going to the CHURCH in Dallas Sunday night for Morbids going out Birthday celebration, so if youre in the area, come on out to the CHURCH with us! anyways, i need to go take a shower now..

okay so in a week and a half, Im on my way up to Kentucky to see Jimmie for the first time. Im nervous as hell yet excited at the same time. We talk EVERY NIGHT and I'm falling more and more in love with him. He is sending me money so I can check my brakes, tire rotation, etc and gas up there. Ive told my family and most of them don't want me going because its a state Ive never been to to meet someone Ive never met before. Ive given them his SSN, Birthdate, Cell number, Address.. everything to help ease their minds. I know they are just concerned for my well being, but Im 27 years old, my mother said she realizes that and just doenst want me to get hurt. I love Jimmie Berryhill.. Im still falling for him. I would do anything for real love and I feel this IS REAL LOVE. Anyways.. Ill be gone for a week or two or three.. get at me if you dont have my cell and you want it to check up on me.. EEEEEEEEEEE!

Monday, August 06, 2007 Terroristic Threat against me Current mood: calm Category: Life Waking up to several friends calling you early in the morning is not my idea of a good morning. But thats what happened late last week. Since I was in no mood to actually wake up so early, I let the calls go to voice mail. Finally, I wake up, check my 4 voice mails, and all of them are from very concerened friends from Cherrytap/Fubar, all saying the same thing.. "Ann, get a hold of me as soon as possible, Im worried about you, call me or message me when you get on line. Let me know your'e okay" things like that. Confused, I drag myself out of bed, go through my usual morning routine, and by the time I make it down stairs as usual, I have to wait for the computer. So I make myself breakfast/lunch, clean the kitchen, and finally get on the internet. As SOON as my YIM logs on, my 4 friends message me asking if I'm okay. I ask them whats going on? why are they so concerened, and they tell me that Jason has made another CT/Fubar account and has threatened my life on it. Saying he wants to and is going to kill me for what happened and for stealing his hat. One of my friends said he even called the FBI and told them about it and what Jason has done to me before with the pushing and shoving. Still not sure whats going on, I go on to CT/Fubar, and look for his other profile named 'Scum Dog of the Universe' with a picture from GWAR. I see I have a new comment, from this profile.. threatening me, telling me to watch my back, the one time I don't could be my last breath. things like that. So I tell my Dad who is on the phone with his best friend who is our families lawyer. Saying that is a Terroristic Threat according to the court of law. All they have to do is match the IP Address to the threat made. I find the profile, and start looking around... at the same time I'm talking to the websites security about the threats, and before I see anything else, the account is deleted by security. Soon after I get a myspage mail from Jason, saying a friend of his is trying to make trouble. and we start exchanging emails, he is denying knowing about the death threats, but admits he knows about his friend wanting to do something like that. So I don't know.. I'm not worried if Jason did it or not. He could have done it out of a drunken state he was in or out of pure spite and anger, or he could be telling the truth that his friend did so. I don't care. If something does happen, my friends know, my dad knows and our lawyer knows. So whatever. Anyways. thats the latest on that situation. Currently listening : The Best of Depeche Mode, Vol. 1 By Depeche Mode Release date: 14 November, 2006

Monday, July 23, 2007 Things are finally comming together Current mood: cheerful Category: Life Well today I got my tax return FINALLY! So I deposited it the bank RIGHT AWAY.. of course it took out my negative balance from what someone owes me.. but thats life. So all I have to do is make an appointment to get my passport, and get the pictures done for the passport, and buy my wedding package for my brothers wedding. OH! And Jimmie is my Wedding date! eeeeee! Im so excited.. Tomorrow morning I am calling the Phone Actress position back, because they called this morning when I was asleep to ask for an interview. This is the $60/hr job! this is so.. good. I was stressing out ALOT, and my close friends kept telling me to chill, things would work out.. and as always, they were right. Currently listening : My Life By Mary J. Blige Release date: 29 November, 1994

Well I got a call from Jason today, he was asking for a phone number from one of his friends that was in my phone.. I let it go to voice mail because i dont want to talk to him. AS soon as I got the message, I Yimed him the number.. then he signed off right after, and called me again.. saying "Hey Ann, I really need you to uh, look up to see if you have on your phone Rickies number from Rack Daddys. If you dont, let me know that you dont have it, thats all Im asking for. If you want to get back the money I owe youm, you might want to let me know yes your no." So I try to reach him on his Myspace.. email him saying I let him know on YIM, but he signed off, and there is no need for threats, we can be civil about this. This is his response and our emails to eachother after that.. ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Beyond The Grave Date: Jul 16, 2007 8:07 PM civil went out the damn dorr a wehile back . Second i wasnt threating you but what ever . Oh yeah and that was the wrong number anyways if you dont respond quick enough to me not my fault . oh yeah and one more thinmg i know that you didnt correct your friend about me beating you so yet agian being civil went out the window sorry i even had to hear you voice wont happen agian till i have your money . by the way i think its childish that your holdeing on to my hat like that you dont know what it means to me . but then agian you dont know me . and i apologize for the misspelling of words but just thinking of you infurates me . also take my fucking pics down of me on your other site .. hey arent you happy you realy taught me how to be a cold heartless asshole MY RESPONSE: I didnt make you a cold heartless asshole, you were already one.. I just didnt realize it till later. Believe what you want, I didnt tell my friends that you beat me, I said you pushed, maybe that is in the same meaning at a beating towards a woman to them.. As for the other petty little shit your trying to start an argument with me over, its not going to work. Ill return your hat when I get my money, sorry but I dont want too see you more than I have to. And its not me being petty or immature, its me not feeling safe with you. Im sorry for the way things went.. but we are both at fault.. I forgive you for everything.. I wouldnt be me if I didnt, and I couldnt move on to happier better times. I truly do hope you find happiness. His response: Jul 16, 2007 8:19 Subject: acrualy Body: that last email was a lot of hate and regret but what i really need is rickys number other than that im not threating you but if you need to add that to your next blog , mumm , or whatever please copy and paste it , but the number ou left in the comment box was disconected so thanks for nothing . ME: Date: Jul 16, 2007 8:25 Subject: RE: acrualy Body: How am I at fault for his number being dissconnected? and just curious, what pictures are you talking about.. on what site? Ill take care of it.. if its something I dont want.. all I have on my phone is Boston - Ricky ###-###-#### I dont talk to him, so how am i to know he changed his number not sure if this is the right place but here Rack Daddy's 8236 Bedford Euless Rd North Richland Hills TX 76180-7214 ###-###-#### And I didnt bash you in the mumm or blog, i simply told the truth.. the way i saw things, they way I witnessed things. Im sorry if the truth hurts. Him: now thats better im glad were back on the same page trsut me i had a lot more to say but then myspace was acting up . and i realized your not wortha nother breathe Then Jason YIMS me.. This is our convo.. jason e: lol hello jason e: lol its ok i would be scared if i wear you too Ann Bacher: scared of what? I was doing dishes jason e: what ever you know i must say you put up a wonderfull facsade ( i know i probably spelled that wrong ) but you knwo its so funny you tried to insultmy intelagence wich we all know your so greatfully known for.. and well you want to forget about me but yet you hold on to something preshes to me something that can remind me of you ... and well as far as your friend roadie69 well hell give him my adress send the cops to me ... let them com take me away yeah i got a lot to say to you . and weathwer or not you want to hear it doesnt matter to me ... first off lovely poem you wrote when did i call you a whore now i might of thought it buit never said it ... lol and guess what agian i have to go back to this because its too funny your true love and wow you insult my intelagfnce your ture love jason e: you cant even hold because he lives miles aweay and do you know what the big pay off is ... its when you wind up cold and alone oh and the funniest thing about that is ... you have to see how cold you are you have to live with your own mistakes ... and trust me i will laugh so dam,n hard ...and no i wasnt a cold heartless bastard buit you you were the one ... so i must thank you thank you for all you have done .. wich is made me realise the only woman for me is my daughter... of and for the angle i was tring to throw you yeah larry did ok he made it through the surgery and is ok jason e: god i could go on forever as to how your such a horriblwe person all you got is i pushed you twice good for you .... dont worry ill let you speak soon ... but not right now i got that few things to say thing going on isnt this fun ;;; trust me i almost worte you on your blog abou being raped i wanted too but decided not too .. i kinda felt entitled to since tha last thing it was and then there was jason ... so cute you are jason e: no im not trying to piss you off because i know how good of a christian you are ...by the way im so glad you said that while not standing next to me .... wouldnt want to be hit by lighting and all jason e: you know what if ya want to say something go ahead i would love a good laugh jason e: whoo lot of built up frustration there i needed that jason e: hey look at that you still let me win aww your wso sweet Ann Bacher: let you win? you are so delusional.. again living in your own world, seeing what you want to see, believing what you want to see.. and who gets the last laugh? We will see when you are burning in hell, and Im not.. you will go on through your sad lonley life wishing you could be the father you never had, and think im full of shit about the hell part.. but when you die, and you spend eternity in agony.. then you will remember what I said. and realize I was right, I won.. and you will be even more alone and in your own pain then you can ever be here on earth.. Ann Bacher: so talk all you want.. wish all the evil bad things you want, say all the mean things you can think of... Ann Bacher: It wont bother me a bit.. not one bit, it will just waste the strength in your fingers when you could be using that to draw for your comic, and I do hope that works out.. I really do.. Its a great idea for a comic and you draw very well.. Ann Bacher: As for Raven being the only woman in your life.. IM happy.. shes so precious.. I dont wish any harm on her at all, that being said, I really pray you stop drinking so you dont in turn end up pushing her as well.. and later on wishe you havent done so.. Ann Bacher: you can say all you want about my rape.. it will just prove to me and everyone else how right i was.. and how pathetic you are Ann Bacher: I was raped, i dont wish that on anyone.. and for you to even want to say something about that... just proves my point jason e: wow do you actually listen to your self you get about half of what i say and what you dont get you make up ... thats so cute the only thing i regretr about meeting you is intriducing you to my daughter... and i read you blog about me it was cute but yet inacureat on many points.... no no i opnly bring up your rape because you used iut as a fear of me lol yet agian you just dont listen ... but how could you when you could never talk .. no i had a lot to say and hey for all y friends you met and loved guess Ann Bacher: yes I said Im afraid of you because something you arent grasping... YOU PUSHED ME, and I will always be healing from my Rape.. when you got physicall.. never mind, Ive told you this time and time before.. you just dont get it.. I could never talk to YOU because I was afraid.. again something Ive told you before.. anyways.. you just dont get it.. from someone who was raped.. its different.. I do thank you for helping me with it.. I really do.. Ive already told you what I was sorry for, but you are making it really easy to not feel sorry anymore. please take your anger out on something else.. leave me be. just let me know when you have the money you owe me and Ill come get it and have your hat with me.. allthough I doubt Ill get the money.. but who cares.. youll get your hat anyways.. I know its a loong loong read.. but hey.. its my blog.. thanks for getting this far..

Monday, July 16, 2007 JIMMIE, My love, My fantacy, My EVERYTHING Current mood: loved Category: Romance and Relationships Jimmie Berryhill... My friend... My love. I am falling so in love with this man. I can't help it. He is just so.. different. He reminds me of my father and my brother. Next month I am going to KY to visit him and he is paying for everything.. he demands it. ha-ha. My parents, my family, my friends know about him, my family didn't even know about Jason. At any rate.. Jimmie wants to meet everyone in my life, and from what I can tell he is honest, he is too lazy to lie about anything is what he says. so if you have ANY QUESTIONS for him at all, he is more than happy to answer them. He loves me.. why I still don't know, but he loves ME. As I am, he loves me, is falling in love with me. And I love him for that. I am falling for him as well, its weird and scary because we have yet to actually meet, but I cannot wait to meet him, to hold him, to breath him in, to kiss him. In about 6 months he is moving down back to TX to be with me. Ive never had that before. I was always the one willing to move somewhere for someone, do anything for someone, be everything for someone.. and now, I have someone wanting to do all that for me. This is all so new. I am trying to take it as slow as I can.. but you cant help who you love. I cant wait till all my family and friends meets him.. I'm so excited! Ive never wanted to bring ANYONE home before.. He makes me happy, he makes me laugh, he makes my nightmares go away. I love him, I'm in love with him. Well Ill write more later.. time to do dishes.. Currently listening : I Wish You Were Here By Incubus Release date: 08 January, 2002 5:39 PM

on to the next blog *Jason* Current mood: nostalgic Category: Life About a week before I was raped I met a guy online at a wesite called Cherrytap. We started chatting on YIM and having fun with both of our twisted sence of humors. After my rape, about a week or two or three after, I decided to get back online and let some of my close friends know whats happening. Jason Yimed me and we started talking again and he noticed an obvious change in my attitude, and all I could bring myself to say was "I used to believe the good in this world untill Ive suffered the Evil in it." After a while of talking I told him what happened. He made me laugh and get my mind off of things and we decided to go on a date, correction he talked me into going out again and fighting back. He helped me go out into the public again. So we met on St. Patricks day 2007. We went to an early lunch at Ruby Tuesdays and had a nice long conversation. Then we went to go watch 300 in the theatres, then we went to go play pool at Pockets. It was a nice day. After that we spent almost everyday together. He introduced me to some of his friends who ultimatley became my friends too.. Julie and Ashley. I love them eternaly they are wonderful people.. getting off track. Julie and I connected right off the bat, and of course as usual I fell in love with thier little daughter Savage, again getting off track.. anyways, it was at their house that Jason told me he was a father of a small 5 month old. He let me know he isnt looking for a mother for his daughter Raven since she already has one, that being said, he also let me know that the only reason why he still talkes to the mother, is the fact that she is the mother of his child. I met Raven, had a wonderful time, but thats when Jason started getting a strep throat. So I took care of Raven and Jason, thats just how I am. It was then that I knew I felt more than a friendship with Jason.. and it scared the hell out of me because my last relationship was in highschool, and I was still healing from my rape. So waited till Jason was asleep on his bed, a thick layer of Vapor Rub was on his chest, and a cool washcloth was on his burning forhead, till I whispered "I think I love you". As the days went by, we went to more parties at Julie Trees (Ashleys), i was having fun.. till I started realizing how much Jason actually drinks. We were always going out, and he was always getting DRUNK. I actually had to talk the Police out of arresting him one night at Bennagins because Jason was drunk, loud, and he is very intimidating. He was on his way to his jail cell untill the Police Man noticed I was with him, and called me over to talk to him. Then after we left, we went to Julie and Trees again to get drunk. Well, he did, I was his ride that night. As usual.. A week later we went to his friends Shannons Birthday (I might actually have the events timelines messed up but never the less they happened), and that was the night everything changed.. Jason was very very drunk on my tab, I was trying to calm him down with the help of Taye, and Jason Pushed me really hard backwards. I didnt realize everything changed then because I gave him the excuse, "He was drunk" but my siblings and friends told me, what anyone can do drunk ,they can do sober. At this time I was friends with Jimmie, my next blog. Not only was I talking to Jimmie, but a few other male friends online to get a males point of view on things when I was confused about Jasons actions. such as.. one day, Jason and I never mind Im not here to bash him.. but I know what I saw no matter how many times he denies it. At any rate.. Things started changing rapidly between us, and I didnt tell him my feelings were changing.. I was afraid of him. Finally one day I go to his house because he said he had half of the money he owed me. Well he had $25 out of the $100 I went there for.. he owes me $200 total. While I was there I got my things and left. He sent me cherrytap emails saying hes sorry, whats going on, is it over.. so I decided to tell him yes. I never wanted to do any of it over the internet, but I couldnt pretend any longer. Its been a messy break up. On to the next blog... Currently listening : Son of a Gun By Janet Jackson Release date: 15 August, 2002 4:30 PM -

Tuesday, July 03, 2007 I was Raped Current mood: hopeful Category: Life OKay here it goes.. ramblings from an introvert so I hope you can keep up. This blog will tie into my next blog. I was raped in Feb. of 2007. By a complete stranger in the parking lot of a club I've never been to before and never will again go to. I was in shock and denial the first week after it happened. I was numb. Then it hit me what really happened. I couldn't fake the smile anylonger. I was at church with my brother and his wonderful fiance'e, and after the service, i told them what happened to me. They weren't the first people I told, but the first to help me do what i needed to do. They took me to the Arlington Police Station, that turned out to be just right up the street from where I was raped. My brother and his fiance'e came into the empty room with me while I told the officer what happened that night in detail.. gave the location i was at, the discription of the hispanic that raped me, the truck he raped me against.. my friends i was with, everything.. even the detail of the rape itself. it was very hard to admit everything that happend. I was then given information on sexual assault and how to get help from here. I went home and told my parents what happened, the next day I told my sisters what happened. The days and weeks that followed were hell..crying everyday, no sleep, my self esteem was nowhere to be scene.. my smile was non existant.. i blamed myself for putting myself in that position, i hated myself. I didnt feel safe anywhere.. especially in parking lots or anywhere in public. I was dissapearing. I felt so much pain. But I still had to go to work.. and automattically all my co-workers noticed a change in me the next monday after my rape.. Im usually smiling, laughing, bubbly, very friendly.. but what showed up to work... was someone completely different. even my close friends couldnt get me to talk.. and that worried them. when I was finally able to tell my friends.. i got alot of support. of course my family supported me.. but even with the support.. i hated myself.. i felt dirty. i couldnt take enough showers. Finally i found a support group at my church for sexual assault victims. I started to attend there, we had a book and read a chapter every week and discussed it every thursday night.. Reading those first chapters, i learned alot. it stared to open my eyes to my past and learned i was assaulted before as a child in Hawaii on Waikiki Beach.. although i remembered it, I didnt see it as anything but "something that happened." a month went by and the book and discussions really helped.. then I met Jason. Onto the next blog... Currently listening : He Reigns: The Worship Collection By Newsboys Release date: 04 October, 2005 1:37 AM -

Sunday, October 01, 2006 LONG LOST FRIENDS Current mood: thankful Well Well Well, I can't believe it and I'm so extatic! She found me after loosing contact with eachother (again) since I first left my home of Hawai'i in 96. It's amazing how much things can change, how much time can change a person and yet, the bond between friends remain the same. My little cockaroach, I can't wait to see you again.. Im going to start planning my vacation to Cali to see you! Of course I'll wait for you to settle in and for me to save up.. I love Cali. I was there in 2000 and cried when I saw the pacific ocean for the first time since Hawai'i. Ha-ha I even screamed Aloha to you. Crazy I know.. I just felt, and still feel land locked in Texas. I was even thinking of actually moving to Cali.. and now that you are there.. maybe I can get a move on it.. actually start working things out. Wouldn't it be great to live so close to eachother again? At any rate.. YAY for Myspace! Now I have to get going, working overtime today again :D and I need to do some laundry.. EEEEEE! Im so happy ot me taking to Desiree again! It's been to to to to long! Currently listening : Kawaipunahele By Keali'i Reichel Release date: 22 April, 1997 3:17 AM - 0 Comments -

Wednesday, April 26, 2006 no tingle, no butterflies... Current mood: bored Category: Romance and Relationships Okay so I've been dating this guy for about a month now.. he really is sweet, kind, funny, I really like him...Usually I wouldnt have even given him a second look, he just isnt my type as far as looks go, but Ive learned to look past that... but when we kiss.. I dont get the butterflies, I don't feel a spark, no 'WOW'. I LOVE TO KISS.. but my lips dont even tingle when we come up for air.. Whats wrong with this picture? When will my lips tingle after a kiss?