h's blog: "My Works"

And I'm one number shy of sixteen if you'd turn around you'd see.. I cried for you today And I didn't wanna tell you So I cut your name deep inside my veins. I craved your voice deep in my mind and memorizes your touch on my skin. When I breathe in, you suffocate me. I'd stay with you forever if you let me. (chorus) And I'm on number shy of sixteen If you'd turn around you'd see You're the one I'm needing You're the reason I'm bleeding I want you by my side I can feel my heart breaking I'm dying, It's like I'm dying inside And you're the cure To the disease you gave me. You're the pillow I hold on to at night You're the last thought I think Before I drift to sleep. You're the comfort in my sheets You're the one invading my dreams. You're the one... (Chorus) You're the one who knows me When I don’t even know myself You're the Notebook romance Everyone longs for You are the one You're the one I'm missing And all I can do is wait for you

I'm insecure I'm lonely so lonely it hurts. I can get jealous at times but its because of my insecurities I'm emotional I cry easily I get attached easily So therefore, I get hurt easily I'm a hopeless romantic I get confused I'm clumsy I'm moody I can be easily agitated I'm not as strong as people think I am I'm immature But I'm responsible I like to play around and laugh and sing and dream. I have good days and i have bad days sometimes I dont know what I want I talk a lot but i dont talk enough sometimes I wanna talk to you but I dont have anything to say I nag I complain I hurt I have tons of problems as well as thoughts sometimes my hair doesnt fall in place and my makeup doesnt look right I'm nowhere near perfect but when i talk to you, i feel so close to it.

I close my eyes And everyone disappears There's only me, There's only you. You're all I hear, You're all I feel. You're all around me And in that moment I'm free. I doodled your name on my desk today. You take me by the hand And lead me into the dark Somewhere under the pale moonlight I feel the breeze against my face I feel the waves at my feet I feel the touch of your embrace You're all I sense You're all I taste. I cut your name into my wrist today. The world around me is spinning Round and round like a carousel ride You're consuming me Invading my mind. You're all I feel You're all I see You're all I want You're all I need I carved your name in my heart today

(Chorus) Its your everyday failed love story. Where her world falls apart The minute he breaks her heart And she fights herself on the inside Trying to hide how she feels Oh, the agony. He's so easy to forget When he's not there next to you And it's so hard to remember How to make it by After all you've been through. It's a classic story book rhyme I'm sure she'll heal over time But today's not that day You can see it written all over her face. (Chorus) It's a fairy tale gone wrong You're modern day Romeo and Juliet But Shakspeare couldn't write this The pain she battles all alone The confusion of the unknown It's so hard to forget The way she loved him And it's so easy to remember How it should have been. (Chorus) All she did was fall in love Took a chance and let him in (She ran with it) How can she supress her fears? How won't she shed a few tears? This is a tragedy. How could this really be You are my tragedy. *-Lauren Ashley-*

{{ Note:: I really dont care who sees this or what assumptions they may make afterwards.. I had to get some things off my chest and of course, this is the best way I know how.}} Sometimes I find myself missing you. Late at night as the confusion falls Runing down my cheeks to make its grave on my pillows I say to myself " I really did love you.." I wish there was a way to put it back together To start over again And love you right and then I remember I promised myself I wouldnt go back to you Ever. I cant break that. Not again Not like all the times before. I wont let you get the best of me. You made your choice And found your happiness in someone else. This is all self inflicted But there are times I cant help but wish that Sometimes you miss me too And you secretly love me Just like you use to. Maybe time will fix it right But for now, I'll lay with these tears tonight. *-Lauren Ashley -*

After dating someone for two and a half years, you learn more about them. Aaron always seemed perfect to me. Born in March 1982, he stands five feet and ten inches tall with brown eyes and black, curly hair. Weighing 175 pounds, he is athletically built. He always fit just right in my arms. Over time, things changed. We had a son and moved in together. That’s when Aaron changed. After two years together, I finally saw three quirks that drove me up the wall. He was a perfectionist, extremely messy and a procrastinator. It makes me wonder how we stayed together for so long. I use to think Aaron was absolute. He could do no wrong in my eyes. Now I see plenty of things that make me take a step back and really look. For example, I never knew it could take a man an hour to get ready to go to Wal-Mart. That hour includes a lengthy, boiling hot shower, fixing his hair, and going through numerous outfits. I never understood why he fixed his hair. He always wore a beanie everywhere he went. Another thing about Aaron that drove me nuts was he never cleaned up after himself. He would leave his dirty dishes on the table or in the sink and hair trimmings in the bathroom sink. He worked as a truck unloaded and when he would come in from work, he would leave his nasty clothes laying everywhere. I can’t even begin to describe how disgusting his socks were, especially the ones hidden under the bed for about a week. The last major thing about Aaron is his procrastination skills. Everything that needs to be done gets pushed back until the day after the last minute, unless it is something that he wants to do. Then it gets done the instant it rolls off his lips especially if it had to do with partying all night. Back in late April 2007, the baby fell out of the buggy at Wal-Mart. It took almost two weeks for Aaron to take him to the doctor. I consider that to be over procrastination. I often think about the past four years I have known Aaron. I remember how I use to look at him. He was flawless, he glowed when I looked at him and I could never keep myself from smiling at the thought of him. Now he enrages me to no end. It’s funny how time will change someone. Aaron and I went from friends, to lovers, to barely speaking. I still wonder what it was that kept us together for so long.

After dating someone for two and a half years, you learn a lot about them . Especially if you lived with them. Aaron always seems so perfect to me. Born in March 1982, he stands five feet and ten inches tall with brown hair and black, curly hair. He’s athletic built, weighing about 175 pounds. He always did seem to fit just right in my arms. But over time, new habits formed and a new attitude developed. Looking back on it now, I wonder how we ever managed to stay together so long. I use to think Aaron was absolute. For the longest time he could do no wrong in my eyes. By now though, I slowly see plenty of things that make me take a step back and do a double take. For example, I never knew it could take a man an hour to get ready to go to Wal-Mart. That hour includes a lengthy, boiling hot shower ( that uses up all the hot water by the way), getting his hair fixed and going through quite a few outfits. I never understood quite the reason why he fixed his hair up. He always wore a beanie everywhere he went. Another thing about Aaron that would drive anyone nuts is how he would never clean up after himself. He would leave his dishes on the table or in the sink( if you were lucky enough to get him to take them over there) and hair on the bathroom sink after he trimmed his facial hair. When he would come in from work, he would just leave his nasty, foul-smelling clothes either in the living room floor and laying about six inches away from the laundry basket. Keep in mind, he was unloading trucks from about four P.M. until about one A.M. five days a week. Do you know how utterly disgusting his socks were? Find one that has been under the bed for about two weeks and get back to me on that one. You’ll definitely get my point then. Last but more certainly not least, is his ability to over procrastinate. Everything that needs to be done gets pushed back until the day after the last minute. Unless it is something he wants to do of course, like going out partying after work and getting wasted to the point he is unable to come home until mid-afternoon the next day, then he gets it done the minute it rolls off of his lips. Back in late April 2007, the baby fell out of the buggy while we were shopping at Wal-Mart. It took almost two weeks for Aaron to finally take us to the doctor. That is where I get over procrastination from. I sit back often and think about the past four years I have known Aaron. I remember how I use to see him. He was flawless, he glowed when I looked at him and I never stopped smiling when I thought of him. Looking at it now, I think it’s funny how time can change the way you view someone. I’m pretty sure he maybe be someone else’s best friend, the person that they build themselves up on and he may be and awesome person to other people as well, but I’m past all that. I’ve lived with him, been there and done that. I even got a souvenir. I still can not see what kept us together for nearly three years. {{ This is an essay I'm turning in for my Eng 101 class on Monday. Im *extremely* proud of it}}

I feel sick I feel weak Tears roll down my face the sun sets black And I feel so alone So lost So broken and cold Im waiting for you to rescue me but you're no longer with me What am I suppose to do? I cant fight the world without you. I fade away... the ground is dry beneath my feet. I slipped off the edge again and the clouds hover above my head Im a thousand feet down I'll starve before I drown. I feel sick I feel weak Tears roll down my face the sun sets black And I feel so alone So lost So broken and cold Im waiting for you to rescue me but you're no longer with me What am I suppose to do? I cant fight the world without you. I fade away... the water begins to rise not ceasing to my cries I reach out in vain I breathe in , hold my breath And try to stomach this tidal wave. its dragging me, pulling me down like an anchor tied to my feet. I fight to break free I try to keep it from killing me. I feel sick I feel weak Tears roll down my face the sun sets black And I feel so alone So lost So broken and cold Im waiting for you to rescue me but you're no longer with me What am I suppose to do? I cant fight the world without you. I fade away... It seems so lonely now since you left me And I dont know how to live. Can I live without you? Im suffocating under my own thoughts. I can't drown, I cant drown..

Im sorry I wasnt good enough for you im sorry i wouldnt be someone else for you Im sorry I didnt do what was expected of me Im sorry you could see Just what you had in front of you Im sorry I didnt pluck the sun from the sky And I didnt hang the moon just right I miss counted the stars by five But I never once strayed your stride. Im sorry I wasnt able to fit in your shadow Im sorry I walked too fast to fall behind My hand always seems to fit yours just right And I never once fell victim to the what if's that roamed the night Im sorry I didnt love you like you wanted Im sorry I never liked you to be alone Im sorry, i did all I could for you yet It was never enough for you For the visions you had for me I know I was clumsy and I stumbled But I never once let you fall Im sorry you've lost me. **Be expecting some changes to this. I just threw this on paper less than 5 mns ago. Ive got some revising to do and Im thinking about asking someone to look over it for me and get his input on it =] **

you wouldnt bleed for me you wouldnt cry for me never believed you when you said "i'd die for you" You say you did this for me that I would never understand but you only did it for you, you did it to be free you set yourself free of (me) responsibility and the weight of the world that drug you down, that held you back. You left me alone, but it's alright Because now I see... you wouldnt bleed for me you wouldnt cry for me never believed you when you said " i'd die for you" And I wont lie for you, I wont cry for you anymore. In the end, all you did was free me Freed me from yourself and I think you for saving me the stress you opened my eyes to what you really are and proved to me , you aren't worth my time you wouldnt bleed for me you wouldnt cry for me never believed you when you said " i'd die for you" And I wont lie for you, I wont cry for you anymore. You said you did it for us when you did it for the feeling of something new Too bad it took so long to finally see (That)you were a total waste of my mascara.