Angel In Chains's blog: "My Dark Angels"

Dark Angels represent every bit of pain and suffering that humans have to endure...And I sit here tonite thinking of the creator of the Angels and wondering what sick, depraved sense of humor or madness this God has that He would allow His most beloved of creation to endure such evil on a daily basis

Since the day I accepted Christ, accepted the free gift that is offered, I have paid with my tormented soul for that everlasting and eternal salvation and life with God...Well big effing deal! So I get to live forever because I believe Christ is my Saviour and died for my sins...And it's supposed to be a gift freely given...

Then why the hell do I have to pay for it day after day watching the pain of my family, friends and just the random people that you see on the street or in the news?

From the moment I accepted Christ, for 5 years I did my best to learn, know and live His word...And it's been a non-stop battle against satan, man, evil, what ever the hell you want to call it...Nothing has been right in my life since that day...The more deeply I got involved with my religion the more things went wrong...Then Christians ask, "Why don't people believe?"

Maybe because they see the bullsh*t that it is from the outside looking in...I've lost everything I had in my life because I was always doing the "right thing"...I've watched my kids lives fall apart...One disease after another entry our lives...People dying for no good reason...The drugs...Jail...Prison...And I'm supposed to sit around and tell myself it will all be OK in the end cuz I'm saved?????

Great consolation that is at this point...My dad is dying...He's an aethist...By Chrisian belief he will die and go to hell because he won't accept Christ...But hell that's ok...Cuz I'm going to Heaven...I believe...Right??? I'm supposed to take comfort in a religion, belief, creed...WTF ever that says I'll never see my dad again...I can do that by just dying and nothing happening to me...Why do I have to believe in something that says the same thing?

At this point in my life...I plan out don't believe in a damn thing anymore...Let alone myself...And God is getting to be a dimmer and dimmer light in my life...How am I supposed to be content with an after life that my family will not share? Oh, that's right...I forgot...Heaven is all about worshipping God non stop...Family, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, etc....That will mean nothing becuz in heaven you are the bride of Jesus...Human relationships mean nothing...So I guess it won't matter much who's there or not...Right?

This Blog is taken word for word from a Yahoo conversation I was having with a friend one nite right before Lent began...My life has been in turmoil for a while now...And the beginning of Lent was giving me pause...Making me consider some things...And as I tried to explain to my friend just what motivates my profiles, my profile names, and what lies underneath the surface of my shattered ideas...I wrote what I considered something very interesting...Something I had never tried to put into words... So for the record...And the sake of many a person's curiosity...I am adding that conversation here to give you the reader a slight peek into my jumbled and fevered brain...One that swirls with thousand upon thousands of thoughts and random ideas... Take a minute or two...And read this Blog...And maybe leave a comment on what you think...Peace and hugs to you.... This conversation begins in the middle of what my friend and I were talking about... it is all from my side as he didn't interrupt my train of thought...lol...well with the exception of one sentence which I have indicated with the (friend)......... (Me) you know...there is more behind the angel sayings than how i feel... think about it God created the angels for one purpose to serve and worship Him then He up and decided to make man...one of the most imperfect and sinful creations He could have ever dreamed up' and gave the angels the added duty of watching over and caring for man when i think of the pain they must feel watching the most precious of God's creation continually abuse the gift of life that God gave them it tears my heart out to think that a creation as loving loyal and self sacrificing as an angel has the duty to try and help us as they have been ordered to do and you can't begin to imagine...in my opinion...the pain they must feel...and have to suffer thru for eternity until the Lord finally says "enough" and we think we have pain...ours will end some day...well for some it will for others it will be eternal but how will the angels ever be able to end their suffering when a third of their number will be assigned to hell on the day of judgment and yes i am in a very deep mood of religious meditation these days when all else fails on this earth to give me a damn bit of ease for the pain i feel every day...my thoughts turn to the eternity that has been promised us if only we take the time to remember that God is there...and waiting...and the day will come when He will take us home and get us of this rotten stinking and decaying world...that in my eyes should have never been created in the first place (friend) i'm sorry but i don't kno wat to say you don't have to say anything sweetie...i'm just rambling and trying to explain what motivates this crazed mind of mine philosophy is one of my passions...trying to understand the deeper meaning behind it all...things that most people probably never even think about i'm glad i archive all this crap i say...i think there is a blog out of that somewhere