Who here has not suffered from a broken heart?
Who has loved or wanted someone who did not want us?
No matter how great we are. No matter how hot we are...when someone we love or want in our lives leaves and for whatever reason they leave...we feel like crap.
We could have been the one that left but we will still grieve. Maybe the reason is because we could not see eye to eye on an issue and this is what broke the relationship apart.
Grief will be there. I want to tell you that grief does get to acceptance eventually. It is all a matter of choices. That is the honest truth.
But I just can't let go. We have so many memories and all I can think of is "What if we stayed together..."
Well if you stayed together and you were not happy, I will tell you that 5 years down the line, even 10 years later you won't be happy.
Love really is a two way street. When one person is pulling all the weight in the relationship it can become exhausting and that is not love. I call that a job and who wants a job that leaves you miserable.
Each and every person deserves a chance at true happiness and no one will ever get there by holding onto to something that is not there to begin with.
I have had my share of break ups and I can tell you that I will give 100 percent of me to keep this going...but once I am done...I AM DONE. I don't look back. I don't know how I got this way but thank goodness I have....and this leaves me free to move on to something better and more meaningful.
Why does it have to be so hard?
Well I never said it will be easy. However if you want and I mean if you truly want to move on you can. You just have to believe that you can. You may have to fake it for a while but sure enough actions can breed feelings and the mind is a powerful thing.
I used to counsel women who were suffering through emotional abuse. Now these women were wonderful courageous women who survived much pain and heartache. They were involved with men who used their own emotion against these women. There was one woman who came to me and she was a mess a first. Her husband controlled much of her life and at the same time he was cheating on her.
During one session she was crying to me about how she felt so low at times she thought she would never get over him. I was always one to offer any suggestions I could to help a woman through something like this. I offered her this suggestion.
"Why don't you schedule grieving time for yourself daily"
She gave me a puzzled look telling me I should explain what I was saying.
"Why don't you gather up all sorts of memories items that you have with him...old pictures, songs you used to share, whatever you have that reminds you of him and put them in a box. Then each day at the same time with a notebook and pen go to your room and grieve for one hour. Pour over the pics, listen to the songs, write how you feel....just immerse yourself in this for one hour a day. Now you know what time you will have scheduled to grieve for him so during the day if he crosses your mind, just remember that you plan on thinking about him later and go on about your business. Hopefully what will happen is that you will eventually get bored with the whole thing and not NEED to grieve any more."
She smiled and laughed at my suggestion but agreed to get on it right away. Before the week was up, before our next session, she called me. She called me to thank me and told me that it actually worked. She did this for a few days until she started to laugh at herself and did away with all things she kept of him and decided it was time to move on.
Now things may not always be that simple but it's an idea.
The whole idea about it is to "Let it go".
There is nothing more sad to me than a couple who are miserable together. I do not believe in it. That is one main reason I would never consider staying married for the sake of the kids. I just don't believe that is a good example.
I do believe people should do what they can to work things out in a relationship but that is only if both want to.
People grow and people change and no matter how many times you shake the barrel, apples will still be apples and oranges will still be oranges.
I remember a song that was playing on the air years ago...I can't remember who sange the song but the title read.
"I can't make you love me if you don't" just like my favorite quote.
Love can't be found where it does not exist and can't be hidden where it does.
The simplicity of that can free so many people if they took the time to fully embrace it's truth.
For those people out there who say,
"I wish I could get over this person but I just can't"
I say to you....if that person can not see with their own eyes just how wonderful you are....they don't deserve you.
The problem is that once there is a break up involved whether you left or are the one that was left...we tend to think it's all our fault...Something must be wrong with me because I could not make this work....
That is not true. If they left, they left not because there was something wrong with you....they left because you were not right for them....that is their thing...not yours. I do believe there is someone for everyone and it takes time to find that person.
You can get to a place of acceptance once you realize that yes they may be gone but in reality they just made room for the right person to come into your life now.
Just like the movie "Bounce" it was about a woman who was a widow to a man who died in a plane crash because he swapped his airline tickets with another fella. This fella out of morbid guilt befriended the young female widow. They started dating and when she found out she was torn. She told her sister that she felt guilty about what she should do. She felt as though by continuing her relationship with this man who survived the plane crash her husband died on was wrong. As if she was in some way part of the whole scheme of her husbands death.
Her sister told her she needed to do what was right for her but the truth of the matter was...that who ever would be the man in her life....would be there because her husband was not.
That said a lot to me about letting things go.
There are some women who hold on to a man because they love him even when he is not loving her back. They feel torn about what steps they should take as if it would matter to the man they are so in love with. All I can say is.....
If he is not there he is not there out of his choice....that leaves you free to do your thing. When a man wants a woman not much will stop him from getting close to her. And if he is not wanting her for whatever reason....there is not much that will make him or draw him in closer. He has a mind of his own and be rest assured he is using it.
That goes the same for woman. She will allow a man to get closer to her if she wants him to.
So yes letting go is not an easy thing but it is do-able and sometimes you have to act on it before you can feel it but eventually you will.
