This has probably been left out of coverage on CNN, CNBC, and Fox News, as they are busy with stories that get good ratings like the latest developments concerning a teenager in Aruba that has not been seen in 6 months, but there is a very importatnt news item here in Mississippi... a blizzard in progress! At least 11 flakes were seen landing in my yard alone, where they no doubt tormented the horde of fiendish fire ants lurking between every single blade of grass in the yard. These flakes quickly melted as they always do, but it remains to be seen if melted snow will put out a fire ant.
This intrepid reporter braved the elements until the first flake landed upon him, when he quickly retired to the safety of the kitchen window. The blizzard raged for a good seven minutes or so, and as luck would have it, I did not witness a 47-car pile-up on the street in front of the house...no doubt due to the fact that there was no pile-up to witness as all the womenfolk were busily canning foodstuffs. For some of you who have not witnessed a similar event, I will provide reportage:
The blizzard happened thus...first it was kind of warm and sunny in February, which always happens in Mississippi to trick the fruit trees into blooming, then it began to get sort of gray and cold...this was disheartening to many of us who thought it would be a good day to mow the yard...there was no signal that doom was impending, no thunder or anything...all of a sudden this large white dandruff began to fall from Gods' head...not coming down like rain in a linear fashion, but rather in a vague but sinister wandering sort of direction towards the ground in general and the street in particular.
As soon as I determined that a blizzard was in progress, I checked my emergency supplies. Thanks to hurricane Katrina, I had finally decided to establish a program of survival. The 642 canned hams in secure storage seemed to have suffered no leakage or other storm damage, but I was worried for the survival of the batteries for my nose-hair trimmer. I performed a quick assesment of the risks involved, and decided to make one rapid attempt to restock my emergency supplies before it became too perilous. As no resident of the south is more than a quarter of a mile from the nearest Wal-Mart, and I assumed that most folks were not yet aware of the dire situation, I made a dash for it...towards the Wal-mart I went...But no! There were many more people in a state of awareness than I had assumed, and traffic was backed up for miles around the store. I cleverly abandoned my vehicle in the middle of the road, and made a mad dash into the Wal-Mart...narrowly avoiding being run over by a fellow showing off the traction of his SUV by doing doughnuts in the parking lot. The shelves were barren! Can you imagine that? There was nothing left in the store but lawn furniture and weed whackers!
I went back home, bypassing a 47-car-pile-up due to a woman in search of canning supplies. I cannot report to you the further status of the blizzard, as it has grown dark outside and I fear that opening the door will result in an avalanche inside the house....I will keep you apprised of the true nature of the horror, as events allow...and only hope that July quickly arrives...
