JADED Southern Sex Symbols Group Member's blog: "About me"

Ok so I know it has been a long time since I have posted anything. Needless to say a lot has happened. I am single again(more or less at this point), I want to move to another state ASAP, my health isn't doing great, and my car still isn't fixed yet. Over the past few months I have done a lot of thinking and contemplating about life, love and who I am. More or less have come to realize that I am a very reactive person. That when I am treated with love, respect and loyalty, I return it. But when the opposite happens I return that. Yes, I know that we all are human and prone to faults, including me(must of all). I am my own worst enemy when it comes to beating oneself up for failing or becoming a hypocrite. I have grown over this past two years by leaps and bounds. That I think some are jealous of my progress. I also have realized that jealousy is in everyone to a certain degree. I was at one point a very much the jealous green eyed monster everyone knows. I learned not to be that, and thought till recently that I was able to beat the green eyed monster completely. But alas I was wrong. I have to admit it was strange to have it creep up a little, LOL. But I have no right to get jealous, not yet anyways. Since the resurrection of my green eyed monster, I have come to accept it. I also have realized that we all have our own green eyed monster and have to accept it and move on with life. I have come to also realize that we have to learn to accept our dark side as well as our good side. That we all have our own set of personal demons to fight and settle with, before we can move on with life, in order to love and be loved. I have overcome many of my own personal demons. I have grown from this and learned. I have an all or nothing attitude to love. That I may fall fast and hard but its with such intensity that it scares most people. I have had a bad taste put in my mouth for any poly relationship. I may have done well in that lifestyle but now really looking hard I doubt it. I need the same strong hard love of one man to please and satisfy me. I may have found that love, but for once in my life I am taking things slow with him. Which scares the hell out of me because I always plowed full steam ahead when I want someone, let alone fallen in love with them. Maybe its the fact I am getting older and wiser, LMAO. But I believe I may have a second chance at the all consuming soul mate love, I once thought I had so long ago. That was the one that broke me completely and made me the ~Jaded~ that I am now. It has taken many long hard years to over come most of the pain that was caused. Is it so much to ask that a man could love me for me? I know I can be a lot to handle, but who isn't? Is it too much to ask for a man to be honest, loyal, faithful, kind and not abusive? Is it so much to ask for a man to love me for my faults as well as my attribute's? Is it too much to ask for to be treated with kindness not with a mean, brash manner? Is it too much to ask for to be treated as an equal? Is it too much to ask all that for treatment of my daughter as well? Apparently it is too much to ask for from 99.9% of men out there!! Ok, I think that is a good enough quick update on me for the last few months. I hope everyone is doing well. May the Goddess watch over, protect and bless you all.

Well this is a blog my husband/boyfriend wrote and I wanted to add to it myself. YES WE ARE A WOLF PACK!!! When our kids look for ways to harm someone that hurt us that includes one that was a sperm donor of them, then yes we are a wolf pack. Just like our kids you hurt us we do fight back. You don't mess and hurt just one, you mess with ALL OF US!!! See the thing is we are very easy going family till you hurt one of us. We live by two rules, YES ONLY TWO!!! They are, if it harms none then do it(that includes yourself, any verbal, emotional or physical abuse, ECT.) and the second is the strong protect the weak. I have learned that these two rules are harder than any 10 commandments!!! There is no jealousy in our house we have grown up and realized that it is a very useless emotion. Why be jealous, seriously. There is no reason for this emotion at all. It causes harm, nothing about jealousy is good and it is THEE only learned emotion. We are all very smart and educated. That alone scares most people cause the average person in the US isn't all that smart. But seriously why say one thing and do another. Why go after just one of us for a MONO relationship knowing that it will never happen. Why try to pit one of us against another, when knowing full well we are very open, honest and tell each other everything. I will make this very clear, yes I am always looking to add friends with bennies for myself. But we as a family are looking to add another male to our family. My ground rule for friends with bennies is that IF AT ANY POINT IN TIME I FEEL THAT YOU ARE GETTING TOO ATTACHED OR THAT I AM THEN I WALK AWAY!!!! Ok now I will step off my soap box. We are all in school this semester. Betsy is in school with me at ECSU for her General Requirements. I am back in classes for Biology, CHemistry, and Calculus. Gwen has her prereqs for her Nursing school. The kids are back in school, and enjoying it. All but one, Tim seems to have some issues with behavioural issues. But after the events of this summer I can understand. I was recently asked to describe this family in a short statement. A short phrase if you will. The one I chose was that "we are a wolf pack" Each one of us an individual, yet together a formidable and cunning force. I keep seeing guys that come in this house, and they run squealing back to their own homes. I noticed at issue is my "alpha male" status finally when the girls pointed it out at a small town in Oregon. I noticed I did not have to move for others while walking down the street. Now dont get me wrong, I was a soldier and sailor for 15+ years. But come on people, why be scared of a mellowed out 5 foot 9 inch 155 pound guy? I am a Druid for crying out loud, I wont hurt unless you are hurting someone weak. I am amazed that I have seen so many guys come in and out of our relationship, and most can not hang. Guys come on, I am not going to bite your head off, I am not goign to shoot you, hell I might not even talk to you, but seriously. Come on there are two beautiful ladies here, one on the way, and they are smart, pagan, polyamorous, and not jealous. So even with two women here, you could have three different nights in bed, and not have the same sex practices two nights the same. You have three sciences based individuals in the house who study such a wide range of subjects the conversation is never dull. There are three wonderful kids that question everything that is about being. They love herbs, religion, video games, nature and geocaching. They know how to fight with martial arts, and if you back one of my pups in a corner, expect the other two to stick up and attack you. We brew our own beer and make some of our own medicines. We learn and watch the discovery channel. History channel, we love to learn. Each of our relationships is unique and sacred. Mine and my wife Gwen is one. Hers and our other wife Betsy is another. Betsy has been with us for over a year in our home and that makes her our wife. (one year and a day according to the laws of nature). Betsy and I have our relationship. There is the relationship of the three of s Betsy, Gwen and me, and the other three relations as they come. Baby (our newest relation) has her friendship with Gwen, and hers with Betsy, and her relationship with me, and as she is an alpha female, she also has her own strong arm tendencies. All unique each with their own good and bad. There are times where things are rocky, hell what relationship isn't. As you add people the dynamic must be redefined. Takes time. And energy, isn't it worth it? We are a package deal folks, all three of us. Four soon. You want one of us anywhere near permanent, it is all of us. And that means YES I am a part of the deal. I am straight, but that means you WILL meet me. Period. And you will meet EVERYONE in the family. End of discussion. If you can stick your dick in one of these three ladies, you can have the BALLS to show your face to me. Jealousy, and changes in the relationship, they all bring stress. This family is no different than any other like that. Jealousy is a learned emotion. But it is hard to unlearn too. This is my third poly relationship. There is more to all of this living than just sex. How about living, love, life, fun. Why not just give your heart with love and generosity and expect the same in return. Put your needs and desires out there. And let everyone have a vote on it. And if you can not approach this relationship with perfect honesty. DO me a favor just take yourself out of the gene pool. You dont deserve to be in a one on one or any other realtionship cause someone will get hurt. I have many friends of both ilk. Both poly and mono, alternate lifestyle and not, dom and sub, straight and bisexual. They dont seem to have problems talking with each other, honestly, and candidly. The ones here, kids included, have no problems with blunt force honesty. So ladies and gentlemen, stop being boys and girls, live like you were dying, dance like no one is watching, love like there is no tomorrow, and just you know what.... GET OVER IT!!! Look at my new site, and see the new video. Cause guys, after you read this. Your decisions on this will relegate you to one of three categories, potential mate, or playtoy, or too chicken to try. Don't like that honesty, get over it. We are a wolf pack we play brutally.

Well the first good news in a few days!! I got the job I really wanted at UCONN dinning services. I will get better pay and hours to work. I already signed up for class to to start my long road of schooling. So far I am still realing from the news from my mom. That has put a damper on my good news but I will be fine. It will take some getting used to the idea that my family is starting the long road of illness that will move to them passing on. Its part of being in a huge family. I will learn to accept the cycle of life for thats the way things are. Just a little scared to lose my mom. Well I hope you all are doing well. May the Goddess watch over, protect and bless you all.

Well I am starting to not like talking to my mom. It seems everytime I do there is someone that is very ill. I found out last night that my grandma has colon cancer and we are waiting on test results to see how bad right now. One of my favorite uncles is losing his will to live and that really isnt a shock. And to top it all off my mom isnt doing so well herself. I made peace with losing my uncle a while ago. Since he hasnt been doing well for almost a year now. It is time for him to move on and not be in pain anymore. I havent really come to terms with my grandma going yet, but she has lived a long life. I just hope that she wont suffer too much before her passing. What scares me the most right now is losing my mom. We have fought a lot while I was growing up and up till about a two years ago, only after the biggest fight we have ever had. I think the fact that she is chronicly ill now has made her realize what I go through and that her time here is getting short. I dont think she ever realize how much pain and suffering I go through with my medical problems till she started having some of her own. The thing is that we may have gotten along like oil and vinegar, she always was my slap back to reality when I needed it. Has always been there to stand by me when I didnt listen to her advice and made mistakes. I am the eldest of her children and thus was subjected to growing up way before my time. I knew growing up that she was the eldest of 12 and was forced to be mom to them as she made me be mom to my brothers. It took years of self help theropy to realize it really wasnt her fault and not to be mad at her for it. She didnt know any better way to deal with having to work all the time and be a mom. Just like my grandma and I have made a promise to myself that I will not follow their lead. There are a few things my mom and I need to talk about and resolve when I go home at the end of this month. I just hope that it will bring us closer together and not farther apart. There is another thing that has always bothered me. Our family is matriarchal. So my grandma is head of the family, then my mom since she is the eldest and then its me. My mom has told me that all growing up and tried to get me groomed for it I guess. But I never have wanted to be in line for it. Shit I have always been the odd ball in our family and not many in my huge family take anything I have or say seriously. Not to mention I have made a lot in my family mad at me for some of my choices in life. Oh well. I just hope you all are doing better than me at this point. May the Goddess watch over, protect and bless you all.

Real men TAKEN FROM A FRIENDS SITE ** A real man gets in your heart, not in your face. ** A real man takes time to listen. He values communication and respects the needs of others. ** A real man sets priorities. ** A real man researches all his options, lists his choices and thinks before making a decision. ** A real man never makes decisions when his emotions are not under control. He would rather wait three days than risk overreacting. ** A real man uses logic, compromise, and negotiation to solve problems. ** A real man chooses his fights and knows the facts before he takes a stand. ** A real man uses motivation rather than intimidation. ** A real man doesn't offer excuses or blame others for his choices. ** A real man knows that not everything in life is a crisis. ** A real man doesn't need to raise his voice or upgrade his personality when company is around. He is consistent. ** A real man doesn't brag. Time reveals what matters. ** A real man accepts the challenges of being vulnerable and intimate. He knows the depth of his maturity and the length of his attention span are the only real measurements that count. ** A real man values good manners. Humility is a strength not a weakness. ** A real man is clean and guards his health. ** A real man uses humor to enrich rather than ridicule. He can smile. ** A real man uses his strengths and admits his weaknesses. He can ask for help. ** A real man is honest. He neither creates delusions nor false hopes. ** A real man is loyal. He values the trust people place in him.

Well where do I even begin with this one. Oh well I guess just that I need to vent and this is usually how I get my feelings out(by writing them out). First I will say this I don't go for my ex's let alone go for anyone that I love ex's. But we made and exception and now are paying for that. It seemed that it was meant to be but now we know diffrent. We allowed an ex to enter our family even gave him our family pendant (which is hard to get from us). Second I don't take being lied to very well at all. Especially when its about a person that causes things to fall apart between us. I caught him in a lie about how he treated his son and that makes me wonder what else he lied about. Third lets just say I had to cleanse our house today and had to stop the binding spell I was doing cause he came home. I will finish it later tonight, besides I found that doing a binding spell at night works better. I finally slept well last night after putting up a protective shield to protect us in bed while we slept. I have taken steps to ensure my family and I are going to be safe. Draining someones energy is a nasty thing to do to anyone and karma is a bitch. I hope that our second male will becoming soon. I have a good idea who it is but not sure. I had a dream about him a few months ago and told him about it. I think I scared him by telling him my dream. I have had dreams that come true and that dream I had with him in it went along the same lines as the dreams I have that come true. I got hurt by him once already and not holding my breath to find out if he will hurt me again. I know he didnt mean to but after talking to him and finding out why he stop talking to me I cant blame him for breaking contact. Cause I more than likely would have done the same thing he did. In time our family will be the way it should be with all that are supposed to be here, here. Its frustrating having to go through so much pain and anguish but I guess its meant to ensure that we value our love to one another and treasure the ones that still have yet to be added. Next time we will take our time to make sure the second male is really the one and not just rush into it like we did this time. All I can say now is that I cant wait to get our house back the way it was before he came into it. Nothing has been right since all this crap started and I hate coming home now. I dont want to stay home anymore. I dont like this feeling about my own home. I never thought I would have to cleanse another house of negitivy and protect me and my family again. Oh well we do what we will to make sure all of whom we love are safe. Ok enough of my sad life story. I hope all of you are doing well. May the Goddess watch over, protect and bless you all.

FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK THE GODDESS I'M FREE AT LAST!! As of April 23,2007 I am legally free again, WOO HOO!!! Now I can close that chapter of my life and not worry about it. I think we may have found our second male to make us a quad. Keep your fingers crossed for us, LOL. Its the first time that we all really like the guy and he fits very well with all of us so far. Granted he is a little under experianced in bed compared to us but lol we can and have already started to change that, LOL. Well work is going great. If I havent missed the chance I may put in for a supervisory position. Was scared to at first cause I am still new there. But was told that I would be a good one to fill the position and that I would more than likely get it if I put in for it. So if its ment to be I will get it. WOW, never thought I could do that so soon. But I have tried to bust my ass at work. Ok well sorry its been so long since I last wrot but busy with work and now soccer for my daughter. Havent had much time to go online. Hope all is going well for everyone. May the Goddess watch over, protect and bless you all. We women realize that there are many different kinds of love and in order for a girl to feel fulfilled she needs to experience all"-Helen Kramer, Florida.(Helen died of cancer)

Well today at work I was asked yet again by a supervisor what my plans are for there at work. I told him that it first started out as just a job to help me pay to go back to school in pharmacy. Now that I have fallen in love with my job, doing serious thinking about changing my plans for school. I will be looking into hotel and hospitality with a minor in business. Well before this talk I kinda figured I was on the watch list of possible supervisors in the future, LOL. Now after this talk yet again with a sup. I think I am most definatly on that list. He did tell me that I was great with all the patrons, that it was in my face, demeanor, and how I treat the patrons. Ok so for a while now I have turned into a gilie girl, HA HA HA!! I have kept up my nails since july and now started getting designs on them. I had my eyebrows done at the nail shop that I go to (my first time)!! Oh man someone shoot me, LOL. Shit when did this happen to me worring about my nails and eyebrows. Well now I am trying to look professional and since I deal with the public 8 hrs a day I should look my best at work. Well there is more but need time to work through it. So anyways hope all is well with you all. Take care and may the Goddess watch over, protect and bless you all.

Ok, so I went to a meeting at work on my day off this morining. I went in my civi clothes and lets just say it felt weird to go to work out of uniform, LOL. But needless to say since starting there a month ago I have lost over 15 lbs. I am back to 185lbs. again, the holidays gained almost all the weight I had lost. So as I am in the elevator in the employee parking garage I have a guy starring at my chest, HA HA HA. I wore a tight green Tshirt with "THANK GOD FOR COUNTRY BOYS" on it, and a pair of once tight jeans that are now getting baggie on me with my cowboy boots. Oh yeah I have dropped from a 44D bra to a 42D bra size now, WOO HOO!! So now I have a bra that fits right and they stick out like ya wouldnt believe, HA HA HA. I was walking around before my meeting and went in the smoke break room and even had women starring at my chest. It was so much fun getting starred at again. Lets just say lately I have had a kick to the heart and this was a good way to boost my self confidence back up again. Well I have a coworker that has casually hit on me and now after this morning may want me even more, HA HA HA!! I found out that I make their day go by faster when I am at work with them, HEE HEE!! That they notice when I am not there was very touching and made me feel special. Needless to say if we weren't in the same department I would so go for it. The men at my work are very flirtatous. So there is no end to the possiblities at work, if I choice to date from work, HA HA HA. I also have another coworker that I have pissed off cause I called them out on unproffessional behavior and her got called to the office and had a talk about it. She tried to make me out to be the bad person with everyone and it seemed to have backfired on her. Well all I have to say is I bust my ass at work to do my job and be proffessional when a situation comes up that I dont like or get scared. You have to were I work at dealing with people all day long. In customer service it is a must to be proffessional while out in front of patrons. So anyways this coworker took one look at me this morning and I could see her turn green, HA HA HA!! Well so far I absolutely LOVE MY JOB!!!! I forgot how much I love dealing with the public face to face. I make it my goal if a patron comes up to me frowning and grumpy to try to make sure they leave with a smile. I don't always succeed but I do my best most of the time. Our supervisors love our shift. They are so impressed that the 1am to 9am shift crew are always smiling and cheerful before work and even after shift is done. They tell us all the time they love working with us cause of that. LMAO, ya have to be crazy or a night owl to love this shift, and I am both, HA HA HA!! It helps for the most part to get along with those you work with too. So far I forsee myself becoming a shift supervisor in the future. They are impressed with me, with all my medical problems and the fact I bust my ass at work and am proffessional. That I don't hesitate to do what is right, even if its a hard thing to do (like telling on a cowork for bad behavior). Its funny that they come find me after shift while I am eating before going home to sit, eat and chat with me. I guess my attitude, behavior, my ablity to find work and bust my ass at work, along with my stand up conviction of proffessionalism has them impressed. I do what needs to be done and also understand what their job for the most part consists of. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Ok enough about me bragging, HEE HEE. But I do love my job and may just stick with it. Since seeing that I am such a people person. I may just go to school to get my degree in a field close to what I do. Never know what the future holds. Well I hope everyone is doing well and I am sorry that I don't talk to much of you anymore. I am now finally getting used to my shift and my days and nights are backwards now, LOL. May the Goddess watch over, protect and bless you all.

Well today I got a letter in the mail asking for parents help in figuring out why the kids arent learning well in school. That these damn tests that the No Child left behind crap states that an alarming amount of our kids arent up to the level they should be for math and reading. Well what I have to say they really arent going to want to hear it. I firmly believe that they arent doing what they used to in school. All these half days, days off for parent/teacher conferences, teacher training, or just for any so called holiday needs to stop. The kids are out of school more now days then when I was in school, and they wonder why they arent learning. I mean come on now the teachers have demanded more freaking pay to do way less work. This is making me very angery. I have made my mind up and any future demands of more pay will not go through. I will make sure that it wont, because if they want to be paid more then they need to actually work the same level that my old teachers used to do. Its only fair!!! This not having school so teachers can train is bullshit!!! They have three freakin months to train without making our kids suffer by not being in school. I thought that was one of the reasons why we do have summer break. The teachers train while the kids have a break. But then again if you look at other countries school year we have the most time off. And again people wonder why we are so behind the rest of the world. I would like to see our kids going to school more and having less summer break, and these little holiday breaks, and all the other reasons why they have the day or half a day off. If our kids are going to have any hope at all to succeed, they need to be in school more to learn. I am sure that the school district will not like all that I have to say, LOL. But it needs to be heard and to have changes made. Ok, sorry about that but I had to get it off my chest, LOL. Hope all is going well for everyone. May the Goddess watch over, protect and bless you all.