JADED Southern Sex Symbols Group Member's blog: "About me"

Well I am starting to not like talking to my mom. It seems everytime I do there is someone that is very ill. I found out last night that my grandma has colon cancer and we are waiting on test results to see how bad right now. One of my favorite uncles is losing his will to live and that really isnt a shock. And to top it all off my mom isnt doing so well herself. I made peace with losing my uncle a while ago. Since he hasnt been doing well for almost a year now. It is time for him to move on and not be in pain anymore. I havent really come to terms with my grandma going yet, but she has lived a long life. I just hope that she wont suffer too much before her passing. What scares me the most right now is losing my mom. We have fought a lot while I was growing up and up till about a two years ago, only after the biggest fight we have ever had. I think the fact that she is chronicly ill now has made her realize what I go through and that her time here is getting short. I dont think she ever realize how much pain and suffering I go through with my medical problems till she started having some of her own. The thing is that we may have gotten along like oil and vinegar, she always was my slap back to reality when I needed it. Has always been there to stand by me when I didnt listen to her advice and made mistakes. I am the eldest of her children and thus was subjected to growing up way before my time. I knew growing up that she was the eldest of 12 and was forced to be mom to them as she made me be mom to my brothers. It took years of self help theropy to realize it really wasnt her fault and not to be mad at her for it. She didnt know any better way to deal with having to work all the time and be a mom. Just like my grandma and I have made a promise to myself that I will not follow their lead. There are a few things my mom and I need to talk about and resolve when I go home at the end of this month. I just hope that it will bring us closer together and not farther apart. There is another thing that has always bothered me. Our family is matriarchal. So my grandma is head of the family, then my mom since she is the eldest and then its me. My mom has told me that all growing up and tried to get me groomed for it I guess. But I never have wanted to be in line for it. Shit I have always been the odd ball in our family and not many in my huge family take anything I have or say seriously. Not to mention I have made a lot in my family mad at me for some of my choices in life. Oh well. I just hope you all are doing better than me at this point. May the Goddess watch over, protect and bless you all.