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MONDAY'S JOKE
What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina? The Blonde!
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Why are blondes like cornflakes ? Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an F in sex.
******************************************************************** TUESDAY'S JOKE
A married couple are having a fight.
Finally the wife screams at the husband to get out of the house.
She throws his suitcases at him and he packs his things.
On his way out, the woman says, "I hope you die the slowest, most miserable, most agonizing death imaginable."
He turns and says, " Oh, so now you want me to stay?"
******************************************************************** WEDNESDAY'S JOKE
Obama's New Health Care Package
The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new health care package.
The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter".
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the entire idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the ass holes in Washington.
******************************************************************** THURSDAY'S JOKE
Face the Music
A man is walking around the streets of the city one day when he spies an old friend of his from college.
"George!" he yells. "I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?"
"Well," George replies. "I am the Clarinet player for the International Orchestra."
"Spectacular!" the man replies.
"It is not what you might think, my friend. We played for the king of England, he loves the music. He says 'Fill the instruments with gold!' and they fill the Tuba with gold and they fill the Saxophone with gold, and me with the fuckin Clarinet."
"We played for the queen of France. She loves the music; she says 'Fill the instruments with silver!' and they fill the Tuba with silver and they fill the Saxophone with silver, and me with the fuckin Clarinet.
"Then we played for the czar of Russia. He hates the music; he say 'Shove the instruments up their asses!' and the tuba doesn't fit and the Saxophone doesn't fit. And me with that Fucking Clarinet!"
******************************************************************** FRIDAY'S JOKE
LITTLE TONY ON MATH
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father ?
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,' " I said "6", replies TONY.
"But that's right !" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2 ?"
"What's the fucking difference ?" asks the father.
"That's what I said !"
******************************************************************** SATURDAY'S JOKE
LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word ?"
TONY says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
******************************************************************** SUNDAY'S JOKES
LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss !!"
The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN !"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael !" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful !'"
