Amber20's blog: ""

Strange colors are all around the patterns make no sense who would think that bronze and green would create a beautiful sun or cream and red come togther to make a lovely tree I see blue and orange here they make a warm blanket togther yellow and silver are over here they make up a vast night sky how strange it seems that these things are made here where I need them most a whole world of colors come togther they create my resting place where I come when the real world stark and cold gets me down I come here to recover myself and prepare to start again in a world I do not enjoy this place is dark and still yet there I must always return until once again I am depleated then I can return to this land of dreams where strange colors are all around.

TO BELIEVE AGAIN IS WHAT I WISH FOR... TO BE ABLE TO TRUST IN YOU THE WAY I USED TO... THE WAY I DID BEFORE THINGS WENT BAD... I WANT TO BELIEVE WE COULD BE FOREVER... TO BELIEVE IN THE THINGS YOU SAY... TO BELIEVE IN LOVE AND HAPPILY EVER AFTER... TO BELIEVE WHAT YOU TELL ME... THAT THINGS WILL BE ALRIGHT... THAT WHAT WE MEAN TO EACH OTHER CAN MEAN MORE THAN THE RISKS... THAT IF I FALL YOU WILL BE THERE... RO BELIEVE AGAIN IS WHAT I WISH FOR BUT YOU ALREADY LET ME DOWN... NOT JUST ONCE... HOW CAN I BELIEVE THAT THIS TIME WILL BE ANY DIFFERENT??? THAT MY WORLD WILL NOT TUMBLE AGAIN...

THE EMOTIONS OVER COME ME... LIKE A TIDE THAT EBBS AND FLOWS... NEVER QUITE RECEDING AS FAR AS YOU WANT IT TO GO... I BUILD UP WALL TO PROTECT ME SELF... BUT LIKE A SAND CASTLE BUILT TO CLOSE TO THE EDGE... THE EMOTIONS FLOW IN AND TEAR THEM DOWN AGAIN... HERE PLEASURE AND PAIN MERGE... THEY TWINE AND BECOME ONE... THE EMOTIONS ARE FORCEFUL... THE MEMORIES FLOOD BACK... AND ONCE AGAIN I AM LEFT WITH RUBBLE... THE CASTLE IS GONE AND SO ARE MY WALLS... I AM LEFT TO REBUILD THEM AGAIN... WITH HOPES THAT THIS TIME WILL BE DIFFERENT... THEY WILL HOLD STRONG AND TRUE... UNTILL THE TIDE RUSHES IN... TO TEAR THEM DOWN AGAIN...

LOVERS LAY TOGTHER ON SOFT SILLEN SHEETS... THEY GAZE INTO EACH OTHERS EYES... KNOWING THAT FOREVER THEY HAVE BEEN CHANGED... MOONLIGHT SPILLS ACROSSED HER SKIN... THERE IS STARLIGHT IN HER EYES... COOLNESS OF AIR MIXED WITH THEIR HEATED BREATH... PASSIONS ARE ON FIRE... IN THIS PLACE TIME DOES NOT EXIST... HER SKIN SO SMOOTH AND FINE... WHILE HIS IS SLIGHTLY ROUGH... THEY MOVE, THEY MELD, THEY MINGLE... THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE TWO HEARTS, TWO SOULS BECOME ONE... ONE HEART, ONE BREATH, ONE LIFE... SENSES BECOME A LIVING THING... TO TASTE, TO HEAR, TO SEE, TO FEEL, EVEN THE SENT IS TREASURED... ALL THINGS ABOUT THIS NIGHT ARE SPECIAL... FOREVER BEGINS NOW... IN THAT MOMENT FOREVER IS WITHIN REACH... THE GOALS OF THE MOMENT ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE... THE VELVET TOUCH OF BODYS AS THEY TWIST... LIQUID HEAT UPON THEIR SKIN... THE SALTY TASTE OF ONE ANOTHER... AND LIFE BEGAINS AGAIN... Ok so this is not my best work... Let me know what you think... It did not quite come out as I envisioned it... Oh, well thats just part of life I guess...

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING IN SO MUCH PAIN... I COULD NOT BELIEVE I HAD TO LIVE THIS AGAIN... I HAVE SUFFERED THROUGH THIS PAIN BEFORE... I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANY MORE... SO LET ME GO... JUST SET ME FREE... BEFORE LIFE SLIPS AWAY FROM ME... I WANT TO LIVE BEFORE I DIE... TO MAKE IT PAST THE DARK SIDE... I AM TOLD THAT LIFE CAN BE SO GREAT... COULD IT BE... OR AM I JUST A MISTAKE... FROM THE TIME MY EYES OPEN TILL THEY CLOSE AGAIN... EVEN SLEEP BRINGS NO RELIEF... SO SOMEONE TELL ME... JUST THE TRUTH... WHAT WOULD YOU DO... IF WAKING UP CAUSES SUCH PAIN... AND EVEN IN SLEEP YOU CAN NEVER BE THE SAME???

I AM SITTING IN THE CAR... SHE IS DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD... I SEE THIS FIELD... WHERE THE TREES... THEY GROW TALLER THAN ANY I HAVE EVER SEEN... I SEE A RAINBOW OF FLOWERS... IN MANY SHADES SO BEAUTIFUL... THEY ARE PURPLE, BLUE, WHITE, AND PINK... THEIR SIMPLE BEAUTY TAKES ME BREATH AWAY... A SMALL POND NESSELED BETWEEN TWO GRASS COVERED HILLS... THE WATER IT IS SO PURE... IT LOOKS SO CLEAN AND FRESH AND BEAUTIFUL... THE BIRDS HERE SEEM TO FLY HIGHER THAN OTHERS I HAVE SEEN... THEY ARE SO FREE... THIS PLACE MAKES ME FEEL BETTER... JUST LOOKING AT IT BRINGS ME PEACE... BUT BEFORE YOU ARE MISLEAD... OR THINK THIS PICTURE IS PERFECT... LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE... AROUND THIS LITTLE PARADISE IS AN OLD RUSTY FENCE... SO I LOOK AT THOSE TREES... THE FLOWERS, HILLS AND POND... NATURES BEAUTY NOW ALL FENCED IN... KEPT IN CHECK... NO LONGER FREE BUT CAGED... BUT EVEN THAT DOES NOT BREAK MY HEART... WELL NOT AS MUCH AS WHAT CAME NEXT... A SIGN, FOR SALE... COMMERCIAL PROPERTY... THE BREATH TAKING BEAUTY WILL SOON BE LOST... REPLACED... BY A BUILDING MADE OF STEEL AND GLASS... TELL ME IF YOU CAN... WHERE THE BEAUTY CAN BE FOUND IN THAT...

JOY IS A GOOD THING RIGHT... WHAT I MEAN IS JOY IN LIFE IS WHAT MOST PEOPLE WISH FOR... NOT ME, BECAUSE EVEN WITH MY SLIGHTEST JOY... I RECEVE GREAT PAIN... WHEN JOY BRINGS ONLY PAIN EXACTLY WHAT IS LEFT TO WISH FOR??? I COULD WISH FOR DEATH... BUT I THINK THEY WOULD ENJOY THAT TOO MUCH... SO I GUESS I SHOULD WISH FOR RELEASE... FOR A WAY TO ESCAPE FROM THIG PRISON... THIS PRISON THAT IS MY LIFE... THE CRAZY THING IS THAT I AM SCARED... SCARED TO BE RELEASED... AT LEAST HERE I KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT... I DO NOT EVEN THINK THAT I AM BRAVE ENOUGH TO EVEN TRY TO SAVE MY SELF... SO WHILE I STAY HERE IN MY OWN LITTLE PRISON... I DO NOT WISH FOR JOY... AND I DO NOT WISH FOR RELEASE... HOWEVER I DO WISH FOR SLEEP... ENDLESS SLEEP... A SLEEP WHERE MY DREAMS CAN BE MY ESCAPE... UNTILL I LEARN TO BE BRAVE...

PURPLE FLAMES OF FIRE GLOW... WHILE GREEN FLAMES NEVER END... BLUE FLAMES FLARE UP FAST AND GROW COOL QUICKLY... THE PINK FLAMES OF PLEASURE FLICKER THROUGH OUT THE YEARS... WHEN YOUR FIRE BURNS BRIGHT... YOU GET THE CHANCE TO SEE ALL THESE COLORS FOR YOUR SELF... EVEN IF YOU GIVE NO ONE ELSE THE CHANCE TA SEE THEM... OF ALL THE FLAMES THE ONE YOU FEAR THE MOST ARE THE ONES WE ALL MUST SEE... THE BLACK FLAMES WE ALL DEAL WITH... SO WHY HIDE YOUR RAINBOW OF COLORED FLAMES FROM ALL... DO NOT BE ASHAMED... FOR IN THE END THEY ALL BURN BLACK... AND WE ARE ALL THE SAME...

IF YOU WERE HERE WOULD YOU HUG ME... IF YOU WERE HERE WOULD YOU KISS ME... IF YOU WERE HERE WOULD YOU HOLD ME... IF YOU WERE HERE WOULD YOU TOUCH ME... CAUSE IF YOU WERE HERE I WOULD WANT YOU... TO HUG ME... TO KISS ME... TO HOLD ME... TO TOUCH ME... CAUSE THESE ARE A FEW OF THE THINGS... THAT I WANT TO DO WITH YOU... I WANT TO HUG YOU TIGHT... I WANT TO KISS YOU SOFTLY... I WANT TO HOLD YOU CLOSE AND NEVER LET GO... I WANT TO TOUCH YOU IN WAYS NO ONE ELSE EVER HAS... SO IF YOU WERE HERE WOULD YOU... OR IF I WAS THERE WOULD YOU LET ME...

I AM NOT BEAUTIFUL... I AM JUST ME... I AM NOT WONDERFUL... I AM JUST ME... I AM NOT PERFECT... I AM JUST ME... AND WHEN THINGS GET ROUGH... I NEED MORE THAN JUST ME... WHEN THINGS ARE GOING WELL... I NEED SOMEONE TO SHARE MY HAPPINESS WITH... WHEN I AM SAD AND BLUE... I NEED A SHOULDER TO CRY ON... WHEN I AM IN PAIN... I NEED SOMEONE TO KISS MY TEARS AWAY... WHEN I AM SCARED... I NEED SOMEONE TO HOLD ME... WHEN I MUST DEAL WITH DEATH... I NEED SOMEONE TO TELL ME EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT... I AM NOT SPECIAL... I AM JUST ME... AND LISTED ABOVE ARE NOT ONLY MY FAULTS... BUT MY OWN GREEDY NEEDS...