Amber20's blog: ""

I HAVE SEEN SO MANY THINGS... SOME GOOD... BUT MOST BAD... THOSE WHO SEE ONLY THE WAY THINGS ARE MADE TOO APPEAR... THEY THINK MY LIFE IS PRETTY NORMAL... BUT THEY SEE ONLY WHAT I LET THEM SEE... THEY DO NOT SEE THE SCARED LITTLE GURL THAT HIDES WITHIN ME... THE ONE WHO FEARS BEING HURT AGAIN... THEY MAY THINK THEY DO... BUT THE FACT IS THEY DON'T... THEY NEVER SEE THE REAL ME... WHAT I NEED IS SOMEONE WHO WILL NOT JUDGE... SOMEONE WHO CARES ENOUGH TO ASK... WHO REALLY WANTS TO HELP... THAT LITTLE GURL INSIDE ME... SEH IS CRYING OUT FOR HELP... FOR RELEASE FROM HER SELF IMPOSED PRISON... TOO LET LOOSE THE REASON SHE HUNTS ME SO... IF YOU THINK YOU ARE THAT PERSON... PLEASE LET ME KNOW... HELP ME FIND PEACE...

THE PAIN CANNOT LAST... A RAZOR ONLY CUTS SO DEEP... AS IT MOVES ACROSS MY SKIN... THE BLOOD BEGINS TO WELL... THE PAIN JUST STARTS TOO SEEP AWAY... I FEEL NORMAL AGAIN... AND FOR AS LONG AS THE BLOOD FLOWS... I AM FREE... NO ONE ELSE CAN TOUCH ME... I AM IN CONTROL... HOW DEEP... HOW LONG... HOW MUCH... FOR THOSE SECONDS... ONLY I COUNT... NO THE PAIN DOES NOT LAST... I CUT IT OUT SO IT CAN'T... BUT A RAZOR ONLY CUTS SO DEEP... YOU WOUND ME MORE THAN I EVER HAVE... THE RAZOR DOES NOT HURT...

YOU WERE MY ONE WEAKNESS... MY LIFES JOY AND PAIN... I SUFFER NOW THAT YOU ARE GONE... BUT I WOULD NOT TRADE A MOMENT OF OUR TIME TOGTHER... THIS PAIN I DEAL WITH GLADLY FOR IT IS A REMINDER OF YOU... YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO LIVE; TO LOVE... AND I LEARNED YOUR LESSONS WELL... THAT IS WHY I AM HURTING SO... OH MY LOVE, MY LIFE IS BETTER FOR HAVING HAD YOU IN IT... I SHALL TRY TO BE THE KIND OF PERSON YOU THOUGHT I COULD BE... BRAVE AND STRONG AND TRUE... BUT THAT WILL COME LATER... IF I GET OVER YOU... THE SUN IS SO BRIGHT TODAY... I SMILED FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I LOST YOU... THE PAIN IS LESS... I WILL MISS YOU FOREVER... BUT I FEEL YOU IN THE BREEZE THAT KISSES MY FACE... AND IT THE STARS THAT GUIDE MY WAY... LIFE DOES GO ON... AND NOW SO CAN I... AND MAYBE SOMEDAY I WILL LOVE AGAIN... AND IF I DO THAT TOO WILL BE BECAUSE OF YOU... BECAUSE YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TAUGHT ME HOW TO LOVE... GOODBYE...

YOUR LIPS SO SWEET... YOUR VOICE SO SMOOTH... YOUR WORDS ARE HONEYED... SUGARY SWEET... BUT YET SO FAKE... I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE YOU... YOU SIT THERE AND TELL ME NOT TA LEAVE... YOU TELL ME YOU LOVE ME... AND AS YOU SPEAK YOUR EYES STRAY... YOU SAY YOU MEAN IT... THINGS WILL BE BETTER... YOU COULD NEVER LOVE ANOTHER THE WAY YOU LOVE ME... THAT I MAKE YOU FEEL WHOLE; COMPLETE... BUT YOU, YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH... THIS IS IT WE ARE THROUGH... I AM SO TIRED OF HEARING IF YOU HAD THIS COLOR HAIR, OR THAT SIZE WAIST, I WOULD NOT LOOK AT OTHER GURLS... THEN YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO SAY YOU LOVE ME... WELL I AM TIRED OF BEING PUT DOWN... I DON'T NEED YOU... YOU SAY YOU NEED ME... BUT YOU HAVE LOST ME... I NOW UNDERSTAND THAT IT WAS NEVER ME AT FAULT... IT WAS NOT THAT I WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH... YOU DON'T DESERVE MY LOVE... NOW YOU HAVE LOST IT... I AM BETTER THAN THIS... I DON'T WANT YOU... I JUST WANT TA BE LOVED FOR WHO I AM... NOT WHAT YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE ME INTO...

I WANNA BE... SOMEONE BRAVE...SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS... SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT JUDGEBY LOOKS... SOMEONE CARING... SOMEONE WHO LIVES... WHO DOES NOT HIDE FROM LIFE... SOMEONE WHO CAN SMILE EVEN WHEN I'M SAD... I WANNA BE THE PERSON YOU FEEL YOU CAN TURN TOO... WHEN YOU ARE SAD AND BLUE...THE ONE WHO HELPS YOU SMILE WHEN YOU REALLY WANNA CRY... I WANNA BE THE ONE TO SOOTHE YOUR FEVERED BROW...THE ONE YOU TELL YOUR SECRETS TOO... I WANNA BE THE ONE YOU TRUST... THE ONE YOU LOVE NO MATTER WHAT... I WANNA BE THE ONE YOU WANT TO SHELTER YOU FROM LIFES STORMS... I WANNA BE THE ONE... WILL YOU LET ME??? 9-23-06

I NEED TA DEAL WITH ISSUES.. I NEED TA FIND MY PLACE IN LIFE.. LOYAL FRIENDS ARE HARD TA COME BY.. BUT NOW I HAVE A FEW.. PEOPLE WHO LISTEN AND DO NOT JUDGE.. I WANT TA TELL THEM ALL MY SECRETS.. BUT HE IS STILL THERE INSIDE MY HEAD.. I DON'T KNOW HOW TA GET HIM OUT.. I FEAR THE HURT WILL NEVER FADE.. THE PAIN I SHALL NEVER OVERCOME.. SHAME FELT OVER SOMETHING THAT WAS NOT MY FAULT.. I WAS TOO YOUNG TA UNDERSTAND.. HOW CAM I GET OVER SOMETHING I AM AFRAID TA FACE.. I NEED SOME HELP.. HOW DO I FIND MY SELF.. CAN I LEARN TA TRUST AGAIN.. I FEAR THAT HE HAS WON.. THE PLACE HE SENT ME IS SO DARK.. WHAT I NEED IS SOMEONE TA BRING ME LIGHT.. AND HELP ME UNDERSTAND..

ALL ALONE AND SCARED.. I FEEL SO UNSURE OF.... EVERYTHING.. WHERE I CAME FROM AND WHERE I AM GOING.. AND ALL THAT HAPPENS IN BETWEEN.. I AM AFRAID.. OF WHERE I HAVE BEEN.. OF ALL THE SHIT THAT HAS HAPPEND TA ME.. THAT MAYBE I AM NO BETTER THAN HIM.. AND I WANT TA BE.. I DONT WANT TA BE THE KINDA PERSON HE IS.. I DONT WANT TA BE AFRAID.. BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TA OVER COME MY FEAR.. I WAS SO HURT.. BRUISED BATTERED TORN.. TA KEEP IT ALL TA MY SELF.. BUT I REALIZE NOW THATS WHAT HE WANTS.. FOR ME TA KEEP IT ALL LOCKED UP.. TA HIDE MY PAIN.. SO I AM LETTING JUST A LITTLE OF IT GO.. AS THESE WORDS FLOW THROUGH.. MY PAIN DOES TOO.. MAYBE SOME DAY I WILL UNDERSTAND..

YOU MAKE ME FEEL...SO ALIVE...WHEN I AM NOT WITH YOU, I JUST WANT TA CRY...THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE MAKES ME WEAK IN THE KNEES...I WANT TO TOUCH YOU AND FEEL YOU...I FEEL THE NEED TO TASTE YOU...THE TOUCH OF YOUR HAND MAKES ME MELT...OH TA JUST HAVE YOU HERE...SAFE FOR ME TA HOLD...I MISS YOU SO MUCH...PLEASE KEEP YOURSELF SAFE...SO THAT WHEN YOU COME HOME...YOU CAN BE MINE...TO TOUCH AND CARRESS...TA TASTE AND TA HOLD...AND FOREVER SAFE IN MY ARMS...

SWEET SUMMER DAYS AND STEAMY SUMMER NIGHTS.. KISSES LIKE BUTTERFLYS WINGS... REMINDERS OF THAT TIME LION AGO...WHEN YOU THOUGHT LOVE WAS FOREVER... THOSE DAYS WERE THE BEST... THE NIGHTS YOUR GREATEST EXPERIENCES TA DATE.. BUT IT IS THOSE KISSES THAT YOU WILL NEVER FORGET... TO THIS DAY THE BEAT OF BUTTERFLY WINGS CAN STILL MAKE YOUR HEART FLUTTER.. REMEMBER FOREVER THOSE SWEET SWEET DAYS... AND THOSE HEAT FILLED NIGHTS... BUT NO MATTER THE PASSING OF TIME YOU WILL NEVER FORGET... THOSE KISSES LIKE BUTTERFLY WINGS... THEY WILL STAY WITHIN YOUR HEART AND BURN WITHIN YOUR SOUL... FOREVER...

A FLOWER A BOOK A LIE A PICTURE A SUNSET A LIE A WATERFALL A PASTURE A LIE YOU CAN GIVE ME AND SHOW ME ANYTHING BUT ALL I HEAR ARE YOUR LIES SO DONT GIVE ME YOUR CRAP I DONT WANT YOUR GIFTS JUST GIVE ME THE TRUTH I DONT WANT YOUR LIES....