CantSleepClownsWillEatMe's blog: "Crushed and not the good way"

Ok well I have semi started packing today. I hate this I hate this so damn much! I shouldnt be packing to go back to the states. I should be staying here with my boyfriend. I am so not myself this past week. Never knew that a long distance relationship like this could be so damn hard. 7500 miles or 22 hrs of flying every 3 months is definitely enough to break anyone down emotionally. I am feeling so unstable. I hate what I have become at the moment, the girl who never wanted anyone and was independent has turned dependent on the one she gave her heart too. Its not like its my choice at the moment because when I am in Germany I am unable to work since I dont have a permit, some day I will be able to put my whole self into this relationship. Everytime I think about going back to the states I break down in tears. Probably for the fact that I know this time will be longer then 3 months. I cant bare to think about that. All the times I have been in love before or at least think I was in love before I was always able to walk away easily. This time its harder so to me that is telling me that it is definitely true love. The man that makes my heart melt just looking at me........