LilSqueaker's blog: "Missing you!"

Sometimes I wander what it is that I'm doing. I love so easily and get hurt so bad. I wear my heart on my seleves and it gets shattered a lot.  Some how I always find the wrong guys and end up having to go through another heartache. The guy will either think that "Oh she is so easily manipulated why not use that to our advantage," or it is that they know that I trust and love so easily that they can do whatever they want and then it is just that I will take them back or that if they say just the right thing then it will just be able to just sweep it under the rug like it never happened. 

I want that guy that isn't afraid to say yea that's my girl or to message me everyday just to tell me that "Hey I'm here for you" or "Hey you're on my mind" I just want that person to tell me that I'm thier number one and that they love being able to talk to me and able to have a friend like me.  I would love to just be a friend sometimes to guys too. I want to say that "Hey I'm a good friend you can talk to me I will listen to you." For when there is that time that someone is having a bad day they will turn to me and say hey can I talk to you.  Sometimes I wander have I made a mistake coming back to Fubar. Maybe I should go back and just let this life go away.

I  wish that the ne that I really care about was here and that he would show me that he cares about me as much as I do him. That he said that he did he care for me and that I was more than just another girl to him. I don't even need it to be where everyone can see it can just be for me to see. Sometimes he does but other times it's like I don't matter or that I'm just his dirty little secret.  I love to feel like I'm not putting my heart on my sleeves and that I am someone that can hide my heart sometimes and act like nothing hurts me or bothers me but it does.

I want to hide my heart and make him fight to get to it and not just because it is a challenge but because he wants to earn the love that I have.  I want it to be that they really appretiate the love that I have and give them. I guess I just wander about whether I am someone that you can live without or am I just that girl that is there when you need someone other than your normal go to person.  I will live even though it hurts I can make it through as I always do. 

I've made it through loosing my brother, I have made it through not having my daughter's father here, and I've made it through my little brother going away to the military. I know who I am and I know that I may hurt at times but I will make it through. My only question is that will he show me that he cares a lot about me and tell me that he cares and I mean a lot to him? I have told him how much I care about in this and I want him to know that I have had feeling for you for a bit now and want to tell him I want t knwo you care too.