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What are you waiting for?
I had to go to the er last night because I have a huge swelling on the base of my neck the size of a grapefruit. Worried I had a disc injury or something to that effect I went and got the er to check it out. After many blood tests, a ct scan and complete medical history I have been diagnosed with Cushings Syndrome.
This was caused by all the steroids I have had to take to control my Chron's. Though my Dr. says my blood work up shows I should be able to go higher on the steroid dose it seems my body has a different opinion.
Quite frankly I am scared. I am being weaned off the steroids but because of how high my dose was it's going to be a slow process. Untill then I will continue to look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. All I need is my bell.
It feels like no matter how hard I try and stay true to the food diets, medications and all other Dr. advice that there will never be an end. I am so tired of being sick. So tired of pain. SO tired of not being able to live a normal life because of my health issues. When I was young I used to dream about how life would be for me when I grew up and never in those dreams were chronic illness and pain. I guess I sorta feel like my body is cheating me out of so much. I know there are many who are so much worse off then I am and that I have no right to bitch and whine like a baby. But deep down I still can't help but think of that horrible question......WHY ME?
I know that I will pull through this trial like I have done with others before. I know I am strong enough to fight and I have 4 wonderful reasons to fight. My children and bf Jarrod are a constant source of strength. The children because I want them not to worry about me so I don't allow them to know about medical problems. Jarrod has been my shoulder to cry on, a pair of ears while I bitch, but most importantly he loves me and stands by me thru my darkest moments and chases my demons away. Without him and the kids there would be no reason to continue to fight, to hurt, to go thru all the discomfort I am in.
