Amity's blog: "Rambling"

Here it is less then a month before I get to pick up my daughter and I am a bundle of nerves. What if I am not the same mom she remembers? What if she isn't the same little girl I remember? I know it's silly to worry, after all she is doing everything in her power to get to me. I guess being kept from her for so long has made me fear I won't know how to parent again. People tell me it's like riding a bike you don't lose it...but that's assuming I had it in the first place. I suppose every parent worries they are doing it right, and kids don't come with an instruction book. And for goodness sake this is my youngest I already raised 2 teenagers, I just worry that 2 years out of the game will have made me rusty. She always has and always will be a mama's girl. From day one she would be happy to snuggle with me and as she got older that never stopped. I can't wait for her to cuddle up and us watch a movie, read a book or just talk like we used to. I am so busy trying to make everything for her perfect that I am running myself ragged. When I know she is just happy to spend time with me and really couldn't care less if I recently scrubbed the walls down, or freshly mowed the yard...it's me not the house she wants to visit. 

I know this is going to be a learning experience for my Cowboy as well. He has never had the chance to be a dad and now here he is a stepdad to 3. My daughter adores him..every single time we talk she asks to talk to him and I can see the joy in his eyes that she cares enough to ask for him and talks his poor ear off. I know when she gets here we will do great as a team. My only hope is now she will be allowed to stay. Only my ex is holding out everyone else including her stepmom and therapist agree she needs to live in a houseshold where she is an only child and can get more attention and help. Well she would sure get that here....after 2 long painful years I won't want to leave her side. 

So today I do as I would with any house guest, I clean. Clean clean clean till it alll shines then I worry it's not clean enough LOL. I guess we all have quirks huh.