Munster's blog: "Welcome to hell"

I know we don’t do holidays or birthdays but I feel like I need to write you a little something, baby love :P Here’s a little something from mrs “I have no feelings” to Mr. “I have no emotions.”  

Since the moment I met you I’ve down for you and you were down for me. I’ve never connected with someone the way I connect with you, I never get sick of talking to you or messaging you dorky things. I enjoy our late night deep conversations and picking at each others brains until we pass out. I love learning new things about you and kind of reallllly enjoy all your random useless facts about.. everything. I could go on and on about what I like about you so I'm just going to say I adore every little thing about you.

Now here comes the sappy bullshit, are you ready? I was in the winter of my life when I first met you and you almost instantly became my summer. You’re the only person that was able to make me smile when all I want to do was cry and stay in my bed. You're who I go to when my anexety is through the roof. Without you i’d be nothing, I don’t even know if i’d still be here to be 100% honest. You changed me for the better.. I stopped drinking and doing drugs every day because I knew how much it bothered you. You encouraged me to take the proper steps to get help... thank you so much. I can't even explain how greatful I am that I met you.

I'm the luckiest girl to have you in my life, I wouldn't trade  it for the world. I know I don’t say it a lot but I love you bigger than the universe Michael....My chase-a-roo, my michael, my dude, my baby love. You know I had to add those nick names to ruin the sappy part right? hahaha have a good birthday and behave! Yes, that's me trying to be sturn with you.

sometimes it hits me out of nowhere. All of a sudden this overwhelming sadness rushes over me. And I get discouraged and I get upset and I feel hopeless, sad and hurt. And once again, I feel numb to the world

I hate depression. I hate how it just magically comes back without a trigger. I've been the happiest i've ever been in a long time then suddenly BOOM. Depression. It pisses me off so much. It's the worst feeling in the world, I just hope I know when to get help before I do anything stupid again. Hey, depression I am going to kick your asssss.

Like.. why can't I just be happy? Life's going perfectly, I have the BEST guy on my team and amazing new friends. I JUST started reaching out to old friends I've pushed away because of the last time I was severely depressed. The drugs? They're out of my life. I told almost all the toxic fuck heads to get the fuck out of my life. I'm eating better, I'm starting to exercise, everything I'm doing is better. Like. Why? WHY. 

I just woke up on sunday and knew. Fuck everything. 

Straight guys will go on and on about how uncomfortable it makes them when gay guys hit on them but lets be fucking honest. How many times have u seen a guy continue to hit on another guy after hes visibly uncomfortable vs. how many times a straight guy has continued to hit on a girl after shes visibly uncomfortable? 

Shitty blog post #2. 

Hi, I'm Shannon, I"m Canadian eh? Oh yeah. I'm also a suicidal fuck head! 



So, I have learnt that booze (mostly when I'm black out) + suicidal thoughts = swallowing a bunch of pills. This time I damnaged my liver a bit now I need to cut down on booze, which is good because me and alcohol aren't on good terms right now. Doctors made my father hide all pills from me and I need to go see my family doctor weekly to get my anxiety pills. So now it's pretty much impossible for my to try to OD on anything. unless I get my hands on street drugs....... but No. No. NO. that's not going to happen. Oh thoughts are evil... 

This time I didn't have to stay in the hospital for 24 years with an IV. They were going to admit me to suicide watch but decided not to. Am I scared I might do it again? A little bit. I'm sore as fuck.

Oh yeah I wore mismatch socks and it made me giggle. I show you. 

 

thoughts thoughts thoughts. lets do this. 

I still can't believe I hit rock bottom. I cannot believe I hit rock bottom and the one person that pretty much saved my life blocked me forever... for no reason what so ever. My body will never be the same because of the damnage I did to it. Good job me! I wake up every day pissed off at myself for not doing it right the first time. My mother is dying of cancer, again but not doing anything to help herself. She's drinking her life away. I've lost too many people to death and other stupid shit. 

I hate 2013 was supposed to be MY year, my year of good things happening.I hate that the only good things that happened this year was seeing Marilyn Manson and Megadeth. I hate waking up feeling like complete shit every day and not being able to get out of bed. I also hate that I am writing this on a site full of stragers instead of telling my friends how shitty I feel because I'm too scared to.

boom. done.

I can't sleep because I think i'm going to have a heart attack or seizure in my sleep. laaa de daa. I'm so sore and I got to work in a few hours. bee boop dee. I sound fucking crazy right now but whatever screw you. heee he he.

Past two nights have been complete hell. Who knew i'd hit rock bottom? It was bound to happen some time I guess. What did I learn? IVs hurt like a bitch, hospitals are horrible and scary (I already knew this), I don't like those stupid gowns, I don't like not being able to eat for 24 hours and I scared my besties half to death because I am selfish. Yup. Also found out two girls can sleep perfectly on a small ass hospital bed together. Uh. yeah. I'm sore, gonna continue watching youtube. 

kbye. wait who reads these anyway? Here have a picture of my shitty night last night. Enjoy puffy faced me! 

I thought we were supposed to die tonight?