Icarus's blog: "Hurts to watch."

Today consisted of two fairly hilarious (to me anyway) completely mundane conversations

The first occurs in a well lit break room
there are humming, clicking and thumping vending machines
a low murmor of conversation
and a tall, thin 20 something sitting alone at an unoccupied table, his eyes shut
his arms folded tightly across his chest
splayed out in the most confidently unapproachable method observed in psych 101.

His head slumped to his chest, or rolling gently to a shoulder
occasionally he nods
or stirs
or snores.

For all intents and purposes
this man is asleep
and seemingly enjoying it as he's not negotiating with an unseen force, or crying out and jerking like those dogs trapped in the rabbit chase dream.

"Good morning (name removed for your protection)!" in all perky spaztastic exploding noise.

I practically sonared this scene in my head
because even her approach was clumsy and forceful.
She had been a constant disruption the very moment she entered the room.
Clacking doors, haughty ungraceful steps.
unfunny and apologetic commentary about things she knows nothing about.
I was waiting for this moment to ruin my sollace.
Probably all week.

To my surprise
I didn't laugh incredulously
and say "are you a fucking kid?"
"do you NOT understand the international sign of 'I'm sleeping on my fucking break, SHUT UP and leave me alone'?"
I didn't deliver the standard grousing greeting, or the muttering but humorous rollover and grunt.
I just stared right into those expectant wonder-filled eyes
flat as sugary rootbeer
left on the counter three days.

The joy and giddy childlike innocence drained out of her face
not unlike turning a bottle on its head and snapping the neck clean from the body.

"Would you rather be asleep?"

Again, I somehow found the fortitude to surpress any biting comment, or dulling platitude
maybe I should apologize for minding my own god damn business and disrupting her spotlight sparkly day by not hopping straight up on my feet and kissing her ass.

I just delivered the same dormant stare.

Huffily
as though
really
I had done something wrong
"Alright, have a good morning (name removed for your safety)"
and with the same stammering gait and dismount she left her chair and hobbled away with little apparent pride or poise remaining.

Then I smiled, and promptly resumed my nap.
------------------------------------

Not 6 hours later, I'm departing from that same break room of legend, after briefly discussing anti-aircraft weaponry with a colleague, when I invented some flimsy excuse to take a walk on a path that somehow diverted to her cube.
Without meaning to, I walked by my favorite cackling senora. Parked and initiated
"fine- don't say hi to me!" I huff after a few quiet attempts to get her attention
"(name removed for yoru protection) where ya been kid?"
"Oh they got me parked on the edge of the universe, way off that way" I flail vaguely to indicate distance speed and direction.
"Is your girlfriend over there?"
"Which one?"
"The little crazy one- you know"
...
I really don't, but I have a pretty good clue.
She could actually be referring to several people at this point.
"you'll have to be more specific" I smirk unchecked "there's a lot of those"
when she rephrased in spanish
and reintimated the look-left, look-right, secret
I knew exactly who she was talking about.
"Oh her, nah she's way over there, we don't sit near each other any more"

... now, I marked with an internal facepalm,
the passing of this moment

where I did not correct her, deny any accusations, or even state 'man, I wish'.

Because, lets face it, everyone that cares, knows.
And I don't have anything to deny or apologize for.

...
I honestly forget how that conversation ended.
I think we quickly passed to the "how comes" and "difference of opinion between employer and sphincter manager that was riding her too hard"


I'd swear I used the phrase "that'd be nice" and I can't recall if that tipped my hand any more than it already had been.

If there's one thing I've learned its that
women talk.
And this crazy bird likes to make shit up to get me in trouble :)

The comment was already made (by her of course) that my chica and I would make a good couple.

For some reason we never look each other in the eyes when she says that.

In the meantime, my brother has an interview tomorrow morning >>
excitement.

And I... have to go to bed. Missed a day of playing my free trial, but me and my friend have already figured out our intent with it, and we're at the 99% sure buy mark. Its kinda alright that I did anyway,
I was happier reliving those moments, working out, and talking to my brother.