Always amazed's blog: "True Life"

The one thing that I swear I would never do I did today and now I need to come clean about it. I hurt the one person that I care about some much that she doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. I lied to this person and shouldn't have and for that I am truely sorry. On the Friday before New Year's I got a blow job from someone and then proceeded to go over to her house to hang out with her. She was then hit up by someone else online how told her about it and I lied to her and said it wasn't true. Well it has been eating at me for the last 2 months and now it is out in the open. I know that I was wrong and for this I will pay dearly for because I lost the greatest thing in my life forever. Thier is no excuses for what I did and thier never will be. All I can do is take my licks and be yelled at by everyone about it. I will never get back what I lost and I know everyone is going to tell me I told you so but it needs to be said and everyone needs to know how much of a Jerk I truely am. I closing I am going to say that thier is nothing I can do to change what I have done, because if I could I would. I can't so I am not going to hide it from anyone anymore. I just needed to get it out and it is done. I lost that one happy feeling that everyone looks for and will never get it back.

Ok so it is almost Valentine's Day and we all are looking to have that one special person to spend it with. Well here is a lasting impression that will touch some people and if it doesn't you got issues. I want to spend the day with that one special person who can make me laugh, makes me smile when I am down, know's when something is wrong when I tell them that nothing is wrong, knows just what to say to cheer you up. What helps me get by day by day is the Idea that I have that person in my life right know and that she knows everything about me and if she thinks their is something she doesn't know she always can ask me about it and I will tell her. Anytime I am having a bad day she is their to cheer me up. Anyone who thinks they fit this can comment, but it is one thing I just wanted to talk about and get out so I can open up my heart to that special person.

This one goes out to all my blog readers that always check these out. Please comment once you read to give your opinions. Why is it that when you know things about stuff you get left in the dark most of the time? Well that is how I feel and would honestly like to get answers off of them. Everytime I think I am doing a great job with what ever it is that I am doing, whether it is impressing a girl, studing, working, hanging out with my friends, or ambulance. No matter what I do in the most part goes unnoticed. Sometimes it does get noticed, but then I have people going behind my back talking bad about me or doing something to hurt me. I am willing to bet that if I took a vaction and didn't tell anyone that I was leaving and didn't answer my phone the entire time I was gone people would miss me or think I was doing something bad. I know that a small few of my friends would not stop calling until I answer but some wouldn't even care. I know of those few that do care 2 maybe 3 of you would probably be in tears until I responed to you your came back, but then I would get my ass kicked for leaving. Out of those 2 or 3 I would have to say that 1 would really kick my ass and never talk to me again, but I could be wrong about that. All I know is that I Love someone with all my heart and would give anything to be with her, but it might not be ment to happen just yet. One day it may and until then I just have to wait and see. If you are one of my friends I would so like some in put as to what you think. I get from so ass holes on here that I am selfish and make people change the way they think and if I was that good at doing that I would be with the person I want to be with.

I am doing this to let everyone know and about someone that was special and close to my family. He was a caring, sweet, crazy, energetic, fun, lovable, and protective. When you seen him he would instantly come to you and be happy that you showed him attention. He rarely got mad at you or anyone unless you messed with his family. He was gentle with the kids and loved to play with his family all the time. TO him I say thank you for being apart of our family. To God I say take care of him and treat him good, because he is spacial in our heart. His name is Duke and he is everything I have said here and more. And now that he is in a better place I hope he is happy and running wild. People may think they know evverything about stuff but I will tell you this and that is that we all loved him and it is hard to let him go but he is in our hearts and always will be. We love you Duke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOu know what greats me to laugh alot know adays. When I sit around a see people having a good time and girls are out with their guys and his friends and they come off with the comments that they don't have to worry about their friends taking their girls away from them. I would have to say that the nice guys are the ones you should worry about because before you know it we have 7 different ways to take your girl away before you even know what is going on. One thing is guys from out of state telling girls that they Love them with out even meeting them. YOu have no clue as to them personnally but you trust their friends. You say you love them so much and want to be with them and yet you only talk about it you can't show it to them any other way except when you talk to them online. Or their are the guys that think they are the greatest in the world, but they treat their girls like shit. YOu type of guys make me sick, because if you only use the girl for money, bet her, lie to he, leave bars with other girls, or do other things to hurt them. Someday youo will get what you have coming to you and when it comes don't say I didn't warn you. And then their are the guys that think they have it so good. You think everything is going right for you but in all reality it isn't. You think girls are going to pick up and leave to come and live with you. Do you realize the that girl would be leaving all of her friends and family and maybe that is not what she wants. If you want her that much come to her. Her is a good thing to remember when you hang out with your friends. If your buddy and you are pout at the bar together and for some reason he comes off with the thing of leaving early to go home to bed. I will bet you that he is not going to his houose but the truth to be told he is going to your girls hoouse and being with her. I had alot of friends and family that have done that to me and it is funny when you think of it now but it hurts when it does happen. So you might want to rethink yoour theroy as to not worring aboout the nice guys, because they will burn you the most.

God please watch over that girl in my life With everytime I see her brings me to life With every smile she give Makes my life worth something With every touch Means so much I think about her When I'm not with her When I talk to her I want to be with her No matter what happens between us I will always Love her She has brought out something in side of me That I can't seem to place my finger on With every moment I spend with her It feels like an entire life time to me I know I can't be just quite what she wants But I am willing to try, if given the time I miss her when were not together I never want to leave her Everytime I see her leave I don't want her to go

You are always on my mind No matter what I am doing you are their Everytime I sleep I think of you Everytime I drive you areo n my mind If I am with the guys, I wonder what you are doing When I talk to you on the phone I wished I were their with you When we hang out at your house I wished we were cuddling When we are at the bar, all I want to do is leave with you and go somewhere else If it was just you and me, my life would be complete I am hoping that we will always be together You mean the world to me and I want you to know that The Love I have for you is always and forever and will never go away With every breath I take you are always on my mind. I never stopp thinking of you and I never want it to end

Why is it so hard for me to come out and tell you everyting that I can when I write them down or E-Mail them to you. Every time I am with you I get tongue tied because of being around you makes my mind go blank some times. I do get thoughts of things that I want to say to you but am afraid to say them for the fact that I don't want to screw up what I want to say to you. You are everything that I want to have and be with and it makes me happy when you smile. I want to always tell you something everytime you ask me what is on my mind and I tell you nothing. Their is always something going on in their, just afraid to say what it is sometimes. I care about you and don't want you to think I am a Idiot or something when I say it, but I must look like one when I don't tell you. You mean the world to me and when I do come up with some of the things I write is after some of our talks and I get you tongue tied as to what you won't say or that you want to say but can't yet. I understand it all to well and want you to know that I am willing to wait for anything you want to tell me until you are ready to say it and I will try to say some of the things that I want to say to you in person sometime real soon. PLease don't shoot me for writing this and I hope you understand it now why I have a hard time saying it to you.

In life I have done so many things that I am not proud of and things that I would never change for anything. I have a past that most people hear what I did and they won't talk to me ever again, but you didn't care about all that. The good things I have done have made me the person I am today except for a few things that I need to work on. My friends say I need a back bone to stand up for myself, that I need to be on my own also. Well the second one is coming true as soon as it can. The first one is alittle harder to do because I don't like myself when I am like that. I will explain better so all can know. When I was in 5 grade I stood up for myself all the time but always got into trouble, so I stopped. My number one problem is that when I get started with that side of me not to many people want to talk to me and it hurt's everytime I loss another friend. The last time I stood up for what I thought was right I got going with it and ended up hurting the person so bad that he landed in the hospital for a week but he didn't press any charges. I I said I would never be that way again. Know I have met the most amazing person in the world and she wants me to be able to stand up for myself and I have no problem with it. I just want her to know that I am willing to do what it takes to be with you. I care about you so much that it hurts to not see you smile and laugh. As for the other things that I did in my past if you really want to know I will tell you someday when the time is right or you ask me.

Second by Second Minute by Minute Hour by Hour Everytime I am with you is special Day by Day Week by Week Month by Month Year by Year Gives me all the memories to last a life time When I am with you I think of nothing else but you. When we are apart all I can do is think of you When you laugh I smile When your sad I want to hold you in my arms When your angry I just want to cheer you up With every touch, every breath, and every kiss Make's my life filled with joy and happiness everytime you smile at me, give's me a sense of something true When your with me nothing else matter's When your not their you are the only thing that matter's The sky, the moon, the wind, the sea, and the tree's can never be as great as you sre to me. When the sunrises I think of how I am going to make you smile today. When the sun goes down I think of what I have done to make a difference in your life. If I had to do it all over again and again I would have to say that I wouldn't change a damn thing because it has all been worth it to see you smile lite up a room when you look at me. I am only writing this down so that you can see it so you will have to ask me, because I don't want anyone else to read this before you get to. Afterwards if you want me to delete this I will. Just wanted you to know more then you already do about my feelings.