Always amazed's blog: "Friends"

Why is it that no matter what I do it goes wrong for me. I have a great job, but someone that I work with is such a bitch that it makes it hard for me to be there. I am going to school and am finding it hard to keep my mind in it any more because of other problems. My love life is in the toilet right know and probably never come out because the one person that I want to be with wants to just be friends, because she is afriad that if we dated me might end up hating each other and never talk again. To that I say you never know unless you try. What does it matter because I am the nice guy that no one wants to be with. I would do anything for her and pretty much have for the most part. Their is one thing that she wants me to do and I can't, because I am in love with her. I can't just go out and meet someone and date them because of that. I want to hang out with her and have good times like we used to but it seems like she is pushing me away for some odd reason. Words can't even begin to describe how I feel about her and it feels like it all has fallen on death's ear. I want to be happy for you and with you but it is gonna take me a little bit to get used to the idea of you with another person and being in love with them when I have been trying for the past 3 years. Bear with me and talk to me about everything, PLEASE> We need a chance to talk some time soon and not at the bar or on the phone. You can call me anytime and see where I am at if you really want to help me to understand all of this, because I really don't anymore.

Well this weekend was a great weekend for me, until I got home. Once I got home I found out that the person that is responsable for me getting into the Medical field has died on Friday night. His name was Carl Poust aka DOC. He was a great person and a true pure of heart EMT/Paramedic. He got me interested in wanting to be an EMT and to continue on further in the Medical Field. It is hard to understand that he was taken from this world at such a young age. He was full of life and enjoyed every day. IAs I sit here thinking about him, it makes me feel like I owe him everything that I have done in this field. He got me started and gave me advise when I needed it. I will miss him very much. If anyone as any thoughts feel free to leave them on here. If you feel you want to call me I could use a couple of friends right now.

I am writing this to let all of you know that I have smoked my last Cigerette tonight and at 10:20 pm is the offical start to me quitting. I want to say I'm sorry in advance to everyone if I seem like a real jerk this week. I have been smoking for 11 years without trying to quit. This will be something new for me and I hope that you will all help out in one way or another. You all mean so much to me and I just want you to all know that. I am giving permission to everyone of you that if you see me with one in my mouth or asking for one you can take it out of my hand or mouth and throw it away or step on it to stop me. If I ask for one tell me no and don't be nice about it. Keep telling me that it will get better from here on out and give me the support that I know you all can give just like you did will everything else I have done in my life. Again I want to say thank you and please just bear with me until I can get over this bump in the road. Wish me luck any way you can either on here or call me to do it. Talking with you makes all the difference in the world.

Ok today I received news that one of my friends passed away this morning. It hurts when this happens and everyone know's it does. This is to everyone that knew him. We all knew this man and in one way or another he touched each and everyone of us. Malique was the type of person that had your back with anything that went on in your life. He was a great person to talk to just about anything going on, whether just shotting the shit or needing someone to really talk to. He listened to your problems and tried to help you out in anyway that he could. He was a caring soul with the Biggest Heart of Gold. He was the one person that when the entire group was down could cheer you up in a moments notice. He was the sweetest man I could ever think of on a moments notice. We hung out a couple of times but I am not afraid to say he was one of my friends. We all loved him for everything he was. He was my friends on the lines of we had a lot of things in common. He was in to the old school wrestling and we would just talk for hours about old time wrestlers and about women. He had alot of friends and knew alot of people. He was our nubianteddybear and I have to say it fit him well. We all respected him and loved him alot. He always had a place in our hearts and in our group when ever he wanted to hang out with us. We always had a good time together and laughed about everything. All is gone now and we will keep you in our hearts and know that you will be watching over us everyday. God is unfair to take you away from us so soon in life when we were just getting to know you, but God had others plans. All I can say is heaven became a better place with you up their. Malique, you had a heart of gold and touched us all in one way or another and for that I say thank you. I know we hadn't talked for awhile, but I still considered you a friend and one of my BOYZ. You will be missed here by everyone. We all are hurting over this tragic news that has come about. I just thought everyone else might want to get to know this man alittle bit before everything goes unnoticed. Good-Bye my friend you will be missed by the entire crazy crew. I myself will miss our talks about the ladies and everything else.You will always be with us in our hearts and our minds.

This one is to all the ladies out their who have been getting the raw end of the deal lately. With everything that is going on in this world their is still a few good guys out their. With everything that you are looking for in a guy that you may not notice because of who they are. Their are guys out their that are only out for themselves and nothing else. And to them I say sucks to be you. To the ones that get looked pasted most of the time I say get off your asses and do something about it. DOn't sit around hoping to be with someone if you don't put alittle effort into going after her. Ladies sometimes the best person for you sometimes is standing right in front of you or right next to you. Or you may talk to them on the phone for extended periods of time alot, or you go out with them all the time. Next time you are out with your friends, check out the people that you are with. You never know who will impress you the most. With every moment that passes by another man screws things up for the rest of us and it really sucks. And to the skanks that think they get it going on when they truely don't, stop it because you are also screwing things up one way or another. I don't know if anyone will read this one but to who ever reads this one all I can say is that eventually everything does get better so give it time. The right guy is out their and probably looking for you. To the one person who knows me the best in this small world all I can say is you brought this out of me somehow and you are probably going to tell me to stop it, but I care so much about you that I don't want to see you hurt anymore and you don't have to .

This is one of those moods I am in that has me writing this Blog. I am the kind of person that enjoys life and when it comes down to talking with people I am pretty honest about everything. Their are guys out their that are just wanting to meet people just for a booty call and it pisses me off, because it screws things up for us nice guys that want to meet people and get to know them. I know this person that it happens to all the time and she feels that their aren't any real people or nice guys out their. I have been working on showing her that their is still one left in this world that isn't gonna take advantage of her. For awhile it was working but because of these other people it has gone in reverse and it is going to be a long road back to get her back to where she was. If you agree with me on this go ahead and comment. If you just happen to be that special person I am talking about I just have one thing to say and that is you know how I feel and what I want to do in life and I will never hurt you ever. And if the idiots want to read this go ahead. I have one thing to say to them and that is cut the shit because you are killing the best thing in my life or I will find you and it won't be pretty.

Have you ever care about someone so bad that you do so many different things wrong that pisses them off? I have and wished that I could just turn back time and fix everything I did, but I know that I can't. It really sucks man!!!!!!! I just want this person to know just how sorry I really am. This person is one of my true friends and I don't want that to end and I don't want to lose her either, but I think I might have already. I would do anything she asked me to do, no matter how much I didn't like it. I Love this person so much that it would be the greatest thing in the world to me to be with her, but I have this feeling that it will never be. I have to really say that what happened on Saturday is mostly my fault, because I ignored her, but it is hard for me to say something to her when other people are around so not to cause any problems. Please just know that I am extremely sorry and I will leave you alone if that is what you truely want. Just let me know

When you sit down and think about alot of things and have alot of problems, the one thing that stays the same is your friends. No matter what is wrong in your life or what is going on your friends are their to talk to. A true friend is someone that for no reason at all is their to hang out with you whether you are at home being bored out when you are out at the bar and theyt have your back for anything. A friends is someone who when you get into trouble is their to help you out, but a true friend is their right next to you in the cell saying that was fun we should do it again. No matter what people say and do your friends are their to support you no matter what happens. Anyone who feels different about this I would love to hear about it but if you agree witth me that is great.