Devilicious's blog: "To be Lied too......some of my thoughts"

In the darkness, I see thee Thee like an angel of light. Slowly guiding my way. Backing to me. Calling to my soul. Showing there is hope. Filling every inch of space. Time slowly stops moving. Drawing pleasure from one another. Drawing closer together. Bodies entwined. So wrapped up in each other. Hunger. Passion. Juices. Flowing freely. The aching, needing hunger. Meeting in soft kisses. Tongues mating, entwining. Body's touching, rubbing. No one else exist in the lovers embrace. Pulls at his body urgering him closer. To take her. Stroking each others body tenderly. Slowly ever so slowly. Not wanting to miss any of each other. Slowly takes him into her body. Hardness meeting wetness. The dance slowly starting. Wetness flowing freely. The desire becoming torture. Racing to the end. She pulls him deeper. Hearing his sighs. The dance of their hips reaching a feverish level. Moaning. Lips meeting, Mating. Within the dance of there body's. Learning each other, Knowing each other. Looking into each other eyes. Gasping as ecstasy rolls between their body's. Grasp tight in each others arms. Bucking. Tangled deep within one another. Not wanting these feelings to end. There passion flows out. Mixing. Not wanting this lovers embrace to end. He continues to thrust. Making her his. Branding her with his juices, his scent. His possession of her body. Cries out his name. They become one.

Are people really there when you need them the most? Or do people just pretend? Is there real meaning in this world? Or just caoust? Is there really soul mates? Or just partners? Wonders Wonders In my heart the darkness touches trying to fill every inch of my heart. I sit and wonder what it will take to make the darkness reseed. I wonder where I will get the strength to continue my fight. Whom will still be standing by my side. Will there ever be that someone that can take me, as I am And forever keep me. Help me to lock away the darkness that holds tight. That someone just to lean on. Share everything thought, every feeling. I wonder how alone one person can feel? Does every heart ever heal? If it does heal is it perfact back together.... Or like a broken mirror mended, back together But forever distorted? Always to feel pain n fear. Never allowing ones self to trust, completly. To live everyday to its fullest. To have faith To take chances in anything. To make the leaps needed. Love, is it suppose to take away the pain? Or does it just bring more? Is it worth it? They say life is ment to be lived for love, of all types But what ones soul searches for, the always IN love feeling Sharing a life with that person. Truly loving trusting and just enjoying that person. Is it worth it? Searching everyday to find it When you find it doing anything possiable to hold it Is it worth it? I ask myself, never finding an answer. Or does the answer come when you find that person? Or am I looking in the wrong place within myself? I lay in wait for the I have my answers. I wonder in which form they will come. From me and my own mind and heart? Or in one of my friends whom are dear to me? Or be in the form of the man I choose to give my Heart, Body, Soul to. With every touch he warms my darkness. Turning every dark inch into the light. Slowly bring me out. Into the freedom of that special love. Is love really it? The cure? The happiness everyone looks for? No matter how hurt n broken they have been? Just to feel those arms around you, is it worth it? I see I am not a perfadt person. I see that improvements that need made. WHen I try to be open, I get repormanded When I try to be nice it is said I am still being this cold hearted bitch. Sometimes I wonder, would I be more liked if I changed completly? I see myself as a generaly fun loving person. I always laugh. Smile. Somewhat....kinda sorta...SLIGHTLY....(hehe lieing threw my teeth I know...hush).....insane person. With generally a pretty good all around personality. Yes sometimes ok Most times I am too serious. Need to lighten up. Oh sure theres more to my personality. Thats just the basics most people see. Before I decied if they are special enough to see my deeper parts. If you change little parts of who you are it causes a ripple affect in your enite being, your very soul. Yes some changes such as this are good for that soul. I have a few sould changes I have been working on. Getting my head screwed on straight. Still messing up with a few things and a few people. I am trying ( I know I know....try is a fail word, best I got...bear with me) seems I need help sometimes to stay on track, little kick in the ass once in a while. But my soul has been touched by many people in life.......with some good.......alot of bad.......this is who I have come to me. Yes I need to change. But do I realy need to change that much?........Seems I irriatate everyone around me half the damn time. No matter how I am. Is it Me. Or them?

I look around me, Looking hard. So much happens in so few short years your really here. No I haven't been on this world very long. Most would say I dont really know what I'm talking about. Suppose that could be true. I look at those around me though, I wonder........do they really know anything themselves. Or just foolings oneself? Or are we just this jumbled mess put on this earth to walk blindly into shadows. The un-known. The abass. People live because they know they will die. At some point. Most people always view it as far off in the furture. Just so they never really have to face it. Most people are too scared. When faced with death, people turn and run. Always afraid they didn't live life as they were ment too. Afraid they will end up in hell over going into His arms again, for how they lived thier life. If there is such a thing as heaven or hell. Or is it just something to believe there is to make ones self feel better about Death? Does Death really force people to live? We have 24 year olds dieing of heart attacks.......Nobody believes it can happen to them. Its always some distance thing to take place in thier life. I see sometimes more pain then there is happiness. Is pain better to feel, then to feel nothing at all in life? Is it better to feel and know you were somewhat alive but really didn't life your life? I see my friends hurt there friends, by ignoring them, casting them aside for other people, men women.Just set out to lie and hurt one another, knowing full well what they are doing to another person, another human. People end up caring for people that really dont care back, Dont care what happens to you. Your just something in there life that is expendable, useable. Easy to discard once they feel you have served what need or want or purpose they think you was there for. Once they had there fill. Never taking into consideration the others feelings. Yet get very upset when there feelings are not taken into consideration and raise 9 kinds of hell over it and see too it that people know they should be on pedistool to be special far above anyone eles. Always to come first. But when you need them they dont see fit to be there unless it suits them. People reaching out to each other, rejecting. Peoples own familys will do this to them, people who are suppose to love you uncondionally, from the time your born. Sometimes familys are worse to each other then anyone eles in the world. I see people fall in love with people they never abtain, but hold on to hope that in some distance dream, so whisper in the wind, that they will get a few stolen moments, kisses in time with this person, but all along knowing this person is ment to share there heart, life, body n soul, every min with. They hold on to hope, even though watching this person go on, even knowing they love to some degree and they are your best friend....for years n years. All the time aching knowing you aren't able to ever truely touch that person, but that someone eles is ment too. Your heart trying to hide the truth from you, trying to believe, to hope that maybe just maybe things will change and that person was actually ment to be with you. Having to face in the end, that you may be able to have them as your best friend, but never as your love, the person you wake up with, the person you see everyday, the person you call to find out what you want for dinner, the romantic evenings, the laying in each others arms embracing the love you share. Feeling your heart break every day for weeks with this realization. Wondering why. Why life does that. Why does one human knowing the truth in the back of there mind still continue to fall for someone know they can't have. Why torture ones self. Said life is ment to be lived for love, specially the love with the special someone you want to give all your heart too, to be loved in return. Sometimes to be numb would be divine. In all honesty.

To be Lied too, has to be one of the hardest things in ones life. Specially from someone whom you trusted with your heart n soul. Your every secret. Shared the darkest part of you heart and mind with this person. Knowing all that you shared with them, every pain, insecurity, fear, love and laughter, knowing they know it. Know you inside n out. Knowing if they really wanted to be mean they could use it against you. Praying you don't have to face that on top of the pain of being lied too. Strung along, And betrayed. If they were so willing to lie to you once, or cheat on you, temptation and how easy it is to do this. Specially on the internet, The temptation will get to them and they will succumb to it again. At some point. No matter how strong one is. How they say n sometimes do change in the face of hurting someone they love or care about. Its hard to change the way you have been for many years. How easy you have programmed your brain of how many times you got away with it before they was caught. Lier's are basically scam artist, some bigger then others depending on the type of lies they tell. Cheaters are also scam artist, deceiving such as they do. My question is......Why? Granted I will never truly have an answer. But why does someone feel its ok to do this. Does it make them feel empowered? Feel as if they have control over the people? By manipulations, Half truths. How can you call yourself a descent, trust worthy human? When your just going to do things as these to all around you....do you deserve that title, Do you honestly believe you do? And then people that get caught, come back to the people they hurt, asking for forgiveness. Yes, forgiveness is divine. But do these people honestly deserve it? Sometimes I think they really don't. Even though my heart says too. Its being tore apart between my head n heart. Never sure what to do, afraid either answer I choose will just lead to more hurt. In the form of that person lieing and betraying me again. Or by letting their lies n betrayal that I will not forgive them for, eat at me and cause me to retreat into my soul. Shutting others out of my life for the fear that this person might do what the one before has done. No matter what they say. People really need to consider their actions, the words they say to everyone around them, and how it affects those people and consider the consciousnesses they are to face.