Sometimes in life all it seems to be or bring to one is pain. You try for people, yet no matter how you try, to them its never right. In their eyes you are a total fuck up. Sometimes its ok with them viewing you as suck. Other times it hurts you from your soul out for them seeing you as that. You wonder, Can you fix it? Can you make it better? Can you as a person be better? Be someone they like? You sit and think on this constantly. Wishing, Hoping.
All that only brings tears.
You dream of it being different. You close your eyes and imagine. Daydreaming, visualizing different out comes. Better out comes.
Dream in a lot of ways a different world for yourself. Dream of better things to come. Better things to wake up for each and every day.
But then you do wake up. And you wish with all your might, that you hadn't. That dream was so wonderful, You wish to still be there. It felt so good there. Felt right.
You realize they are just dreams, and nothing more. You wonder if dreams can true and know that rarely do they do.
You think and know that what someone says about you, or thinks, maybe it could very well be the truth.
You wonder how come ya can't fix it. Why do they see you this way.
Sometimes someone new comes into your life, and you pray even if you never have before, you pray for it to be different. Another chance. Another go around. You pray you don't fuck up. That you don't mess it up.
Be new and exciting and something good in your life, Maybe even something lasting.
Something far away from the pain and the fear brought in the past. You hope for this greatness. Something divine. A connection.
A better time.
You hope nothing happens.
You hope you don't loose this.
Don't loose this new person.
Don't loose something that could be so good in your life. That could help you.
Putting pain and fear far out of reach.
You want to embrace it with all inside you. Hope it doesn't slip away like so many things have in the past.
You want the past to be the past. You want to move on to the future. The good you see in the world.
You hope you never cry because of this person, you hope you only cry with the person.
As a friend would
You feel strong, you feel like maybe you can be yourself.
But it only is temporary. You notice old habits happen. You notice your fucking up again. After all your work to keep it at bay. They pain the fear. Is back. You wish it would stop. You try harder. Only gets worse..
You wish this person that ya foolishly put hopes on, even though you tried hard not too. For fear of being hurt again, fear of the past repeating itself.
Wish this person would stay in ya life. To continue to feel as you were feeling. Feeling like a new person with a great chance.
Wish this person would see you, see past the fuck ups. And see you. The real you. The good you. To accept you as you are, every drop. Wish they'd embrace it.
Be ok with you.
Sometimes you wish for more.
Sometimes you wish to be alone.
Even though you know in your heart you don't wanna be alone, its why you keep trying with people. Only to experience the same with everyone.
Sometimes you wish with all your heart, You knew how to stop it.
Sometimes you wish you were smarter.
Sometimes you wish you were prettier or more handsome.
Sometimes you wish.......
Sometimes you hope.........
