For the too many nights in a row, I'm sitting here alone in my room thinking. I sit on my bunk, flip through the channels, and then try to sleep. The sleeping pills aren't working, the going for a walk isn't working. Heck, a warm bath isn't working. I lie in bed, just thinking. I just don't understand it. I've never had a problem sleeping before.
Don't get me wrong, it's some good quality thinking. I think a couple more nights, and I'll have the equation for the secret of happiness, what we are doing here, and the solution to the energy crunch figured out. I think I figured out how to make cows crap crude oil last night, I am just too tired to remember. I am physically exhausted, but my mind just keeps going.
Further, it's not that I am dwelling on the past either. I am just feeling like there is something I am missing. Something that I should be looking at. I keep paying attention to what is in front of me, but it seems like it's not what is supposed to be there. I am looking forward to going to Ft Hood, and picking up and moving on with my life. Granted, it will be at a snail's pace. I need to be able to move on, but I can't. I need to be able to do so much, but me being here is only complicating matters. I could do away with my integrity, and get my spouse to do the same, and we could lie, but I am not going to tarnish my word anymore. Even in the pursuit of happyness. (Yes, the Will Smith movie is on right now.)
I was asked tonight, because she couldn't get a hold of me for a couple of days, if I was out on a date. My reply, yes, 3 dates. She asked who? I replied, Me, Myself, and I. How am I supposed to date anyone in the fishbowl that is this base? There's only so many places we could hide at, and well, that would be kind of defeating the purpose. Besides, I AM STILL MARRIED! Regardless of what our agreement says, I am still married, which means that if I do anything, and the perception is there, I am toast. Hammered, Burnt, Nailed toast. I'm done for.
I find myself longing for that cold beer. Just a sip of cold beer. I know physically, it is not what I need, but I think that mentally, it will help so danged much. Now if only I can get approval to take one of my remaining passes. I have put in three different requests and had all three denied. One was denied because I hadn't been told I was giving training on one of those days. So I have a few days left to play with, not many though. I have 11 weeks, or 82 days left in country, boots on ground. That only leaves me 9 weeks to use at least one of them, but wait....that puts me at 6 weeks, and I have two. (remember, my original 3 were denied.)
I am starting to train my replacement EO Leaders. They are both taking the class next week. I do not have a replacement for my position coming in anytime soon, so I have to make sure I get my Continuity Book up to date, although it will be out of date a week after I leave. A lot is changing of late.
Oh, got some good news. Been doing some more activities around base, and am entering in the 3 man laser tag tournament next month. Yes, I have a team of 3 including me. I take a PT test next week, but I am concerned about my weight. I would do some of the usual tricks to make sure I am good, (about 3 pounds is what I need to lose), but it is the desert and summertime. Just something else I have been thinking about. Oh yeah, and I slept through my alarm on Monday.
Got my new MP3 player today. 80 GB Zune. I put 3,000 songs on it, and still have 70 GB of space. DANG! Of course in a month I'll be thinking where did all of my space go?
Well, I'm off to close my eyes again, and hopefully find some sleep. Hope ya'll have a great day, and see ya'll on the flipside, sometime.
Oh yeah, for those wondering. I got final confirmation that I will not be extending here. I am heading to Ft Hood in September. Take about 15 days worth of leave/advon time, and I should be in Texas about 22 September. (advon time is time I am allowed to gather my things and travel to my duty assignment.) I figure a week in Maryland with my kids, 2 days to drive to my mom's, a day to offload and spend with mom, then a day to get to my dad's and spend with him, then leave the next day. That would give me two days for Murphy, and whatever else may come up.
