Maelbolgia's blog: "The Unfinished Saga"

There's No Place Like Home. (Part 1) To unravel the mysteries surrounding ones own purpose in life or the meaning of life itself is a fantastic voyage leading to yet many more questions. I distinctly remember a time when I feared the world of dreams. Each night before bed I'd lay and wonder just who or what I'd have to witness in my slumber, what horror and terror lie behind the curtain of black. Many nights I was rewarded with scenes that will forever remain etched in my memory. Dreams from as far back as 2 and 3 years old still haunt me daily. How do I remember these dreams? Why do they reoccur? What do they mean? I used to ask myself that quite a lot actually, and still do. In the beginning it was very colorful and the location was very similar to where I lived as a kid at that time and age. I remember the sound of The Fuzzy Slippers Truck and the color of purple it was painted with the white horizontal stripe and some blurred logo on the side. I remember the song yet have never heard it anywhere but that particular dream.. it does not exist. The Fuzzy Slippers Truck would roll up once a day and children from the apartment complex would all go running for the truck. Day after day I avoided that Fuzzy Slippers Truck always hearing that song as it approached. Many dreams were invaded by The Fuzzy Slippers Truck until one day I decided to go and check out some slippers. I walked nervously up to The Fuzzy Slippers Truck while other children and their parents scurried like rats in and out of The Fuzzy Slippers Truck with much excitement. Quite feverish actually. Slowly I made my way to the step into The Fuzzy Slippers Truck and hesitated but for only a moment and it seemed of course like years. I had seen the driver of The Fuzzy Slippers Truck before but never up close and personal like that day. I recognized him quite well yet had no idea how or from where I knew him. His face familiar and he looked at me as if he knew me just as well. It was as if he knew some dark secret and wanted me to know he knew. The sarcastic smile on his face and the slicked back dark black hair, his eyes black in their sockets, his voice so familiar yet unknown. The sound of the children rushing in and out like the buzzing of bees broke my daze. Then with a deep breath I entered The Fuzzy Slippers Truck and was greeted with a quite horrific sight. Inside The Fuzzy Slippers Truck the children were removing their feet and swapping them for pink, powder blue and assorted girly colored fuzzy slippers, their parents proudly behind them as they set their feet in the boxes and placed on their slippers. I remember the fear as if it were fresh as I ran from The Fuzzy Slippers Truck never looking back. It was about two years The Fuzzy Slippers Truck followed me around in my dreams after that and by age 5 it was gone never to be heard again yet the song I still whistle from time to time. Perhaps someday someone will recognize it. As life went on and the visits weren't such a problem for a time I paid no heed to my dreams as I was still merely a child and had no teacher who could explain these things to me or give me the answers. So I tried The Church. I began going to church with my stepmother and my father for a time. I sat quietly and watched the rhetoric and dogma and listened to the preachings of the Bible and history of the Christians. Nowhere in any of this were my answers, so eventually I got up some courage to ask 1 day in Sunday school. I was quite elaborate in my descriptions and my story of what I had experienced in my dreams and life at the time and felt I had made no insult to "God" what so ever, but alas I was wrong? Our Sunday school teacher was a middle aged woman usually in a vibrant flower patterned dress, melancholy heels and wore those 1970's thick black framed diving mask glasses. She wasn't a very pleasant sort more than someone there to make sure we were attended to and didn't run off and get into trouble. I wish I'd have understood that role was not to include answering questions or having a kind heart. When I asked why I was having these dreams and felt afraid of the monsters that followed me in both my sleep and my awake time, those feelings of being chased or sought after in very uncomfortable ways by beings hostile, dark and quite damn creepy I became the focus of her ill attention. I remember may things so clearly from my childhood that even now the pain is still there like it's happening all over again, the feelings I had when she forced me into a corner in the Sunday school room while shouting to the whole class that I was a cursed and demented child and that my imagination was only serving to get me in trouble and that I should be an example to the other kids of what not to be. Not who... but What. As I stood there crying in that corner hearing the laughter of the other children and her subsequent ranting on how having thoughts as I'd had were a sin and a violation against "God" and would not be tolerated. Any child expressing such thoughts would be punished and sent to the corner as I had been and that was final. I think it was the only time I ever ran into my fathers arms that moment when I heard her go off on him about how his son was disrupting "God's Work" and how I should not be allowed to ever set foot in her classroom again. My father took me in his arms and in some moment of I don't know what he actually made me feel protected and loved.. that feeling never happened again. When we got home I was sat down by my father and told I would never have to go to a church again if I didn't want to. Needless to say the thought of EVER going to a church again wasn't about to cross my mind. Hence for my life I do not enter churches of my own free will. Instead I read a book my grandmother had given me for "Christmas" called "The Way" someones translated personal perspective written version of the Bible. I read it over and over looking for answers to my questions yet could find nothing. So I switched to the actual King James version of the Bible and tried there... dead end after dead end. I began expanding my search for the answers for the rest of my life. I went as far as delving into the Black arts as well as many modern religions always searching for some untapped resource of answers. There had to be answers somewhere and I will always be looking for them. While my delving into the history of creation, looking for answers I felt I needed to find to explain my own purpose and existence as we all do the dreams started again. He was back. Many nights I was visited again by this "being" formerly known as "The Fuzzy Slippers Guy" in my dreams, and as always he came with sounds, an audible warning of his arrival. When he was making a visit there was this black kitten with a small silver bell ringing so gently in those same 4 tones from The Fuzzy Slippers Truck and the kitten was surely his harbinger. The dream would always begin and end the same as I now figure I wasn't able at the time to really do much as I was ignorant to who and what I truly am. The scene would always be in mostly black and white, a desaturated place of greys and mushy tones. The schoolyard playground had this large cyclone slide that faced away from the 5 story burned out black remains of the school. The sand was grey and made no noise and often other children would be present playing, which of course normally would sound normal except i wasn't a "child" anymore I was 18 yet in this dream I was back to the age when the dreams had stopped for a time, roughly 7 or 8 years old. The school bell would ring and the children would run in the opposite direction of the burned out old school building, and then it would be silent. Myself the rebellious type I'd stay and play on the cyclone slide as I now had it all to myself. It wasn't ever long after I'd hear the kitten and his bell, that song those notes. I'd watch the kitten cross my path across the grey sand and look around for "Him" and always he would be walking out of the burned out school house dressed in his grey trench coat and grey hat that did not hide the black and faceless void it sat upon. In his left hand he carried a grey briefcase that I knew contained something important and feared it. The sight of "Him" would cause me great loathing and fear as I desperately climbed up the cyclone slide and would try and escape by sliding down like that was some key or way out. As he would draw closer I could feel myself paralyzed in my sleep, knowing this was a dream yet quite more serious than "just" a dream. Was I paralyzed in fear? Or was it something else? As I'd try so desperately to escape from him he would simply walk past me and I could feel his dark intentions as his faceless void looked deeply within my soul and knew me. He knew more about me than even I did at that point and it was all too obvious he had plans or a want of something from me. The dreams continued on and on and I felt afraid, scared and alone as I thought this was something maybe only I was experiencing so I decided to experiment. I invited friends. Mike was the first person I trusted with this secret I was taught to fear and bury. Mike and I were very close friends and were room ates at the time. So one night Mike and I and his girlfriend of the time Allison were sitting about and chatting about "weird stuff" and what we thought was "weird". I started talking about the dreams I'd had and the things I'd seen in them, among the dreams of course I started discussing "Him" and that's when things got "weird". At this time I was able to summon "Him" with only a mere thought as I feared "Him" so dreadfully it gave "Him" power, he would come. It was almost like ghost stories around the campfire we were all feeling chills and as if life had become rather surreal so to amplify the setting I lit a few candles and turned down the lights. I felt since there were others present that "He" wouldn't be very inclined to making an appearance of any kind, but alas I was wrong. It was Allison who saw it first, as she pointed to the ceiling and my shadow and the shadow standing behind me. I moved positions just to see what was making the shadow and that was a very horrific and rewarding moment as the shadow seemed to watch then moved over to where my shadow now resided on a wall and stand behind me once again. Mike in a state of awe just sat there with a half smile on his face and a half look of dread as the room got very "full" fast. There is a deafening the occurs when "He" is around as your head blocks out all sound but the sound of your own silence, the slight ringing in your ears and the sound of your heartbeat yet so loud it makes your head feel as if it were about to explode from the pressure. Allison was the first to give as she ran for the light switch and then to the next and next turning on any light she could find. Mike dropped back and passed out on the floor as I sat there feeling some power I'd never felt before. It was amazing and fulfilling yet so dark and wrong. I sat there for a few minutes while Allison got mike back to a sitting position and got him back among the living so to speak. Something changed in Mike that night, his road traveled went south after and I watched him destroy the friend I once knew. I haven't seen him in years now and last I'd heard he was hopping on counter tops clucking like a chicken seeing things behind the paint in the walls. Rest in peace Mike you are missed. The second experiment involved my friend Chris who was a bit more in tune with me and the subject matter as like myself he is an imaginative and intelligent kindred of my own and an artist. I told Chris the stories and what had been happening and occurring and about the test with Mike and Allison. I warned him about what had happened during that episode and that I had a way to bring this being or entity out of me. I had been working on escape from my dreams of "Him" and had found a working way to escape with my simple alarm clock and its digital LED display. When I would feel that darkness coming I would stare into the alarm clock focusing on the light and it would help keep me from falling into the darkness. So I told him to keep his concentration on the alarm clock and if nothing else I'd see him in the morning. We fell asleep. It was at 3:14 am the kitten arrived, but this time I was aware of him in my room and not the typical playground, he was there with me in my world. I felt terror as i let myself slip into the darkness prepared to face "Him" once again. The digital numbers faded and the school house appeared. I will never forget the look on Chris' face when I awoke. He half laid there half sitting up and had the look of bafflement on his face one gets when completely stumped. I asked him if he was ok and it took him a second to reply that what he saw he would never forget. We sat there both in an almost disbelief while he went on to describe what he saw. It began with the darkness, he'd felt it and stared at the alarm clocks display he kept focused but became distracted by a large black almost smoke like figure emanating from my body. The form took it's cloudy shape and then turned and stared him eye to eye it's red eyes glowing then turning back to my body as the second appeared, it's eyes were green and it seemed to speak with the first as the third arose forth and it's eyes of yellow, this became too much to handle and Chris acted as anyone and spoke. He tried to awaken me and in the process all 3 forms returned hastily into my body. 3:32am was when Chris managed to awaken me I can still see the clock. As I started getting used to this happening when I'd sleep I felt more and more in some sort of delusional control over the dreams, I could do my regular escape and be done with it right? Wrong. It was the night of a lifetime and a memory I will never forget. That night I changed forever. The night "He" came to take me. It was around 3 am that I laid there in my bed looking at all the posters and pictures of my latest guitar heroes. One after one I inventoried each picture and remembered the magazine from which I got it. My eyes stopped on one in particular, one that hadn't been looking back before and now stared directly at me. Rather taken by surprise I looked elsewhere for comfort but found none. The eyes burned at me from the picture then seemed to move closer one picture at a time until directly over head as the face of Randy seemed to literally bend over the top of me and smile. Something was definitely wrong yet I felt this voice from nowhere telling me it was ok and he was Jesus. This just wasn't happening I thought to myself in a desperate attempt to clear my mind. I'd had a couple of conversations just previous to this episode with my stepfather at the time and good friend John. He was a very intelligent and well spoken individual that had wisdom I could all but wish I'd had at the time. He was a role model of sorts and when I had informed him of my delvings into the black arts and the things going on in my sleep and dreams he took me aside and had a long talk about what he saw going on. He was very wise and I'd always taken him for the kind of "Christian" most commonly found, but he wasn't.. he was the real thing. He shared his wisdom and experience with me and the one thing that I remember most was he had said: "If it happens again focus on something positive.. perhaps say over and over Jesus please be with me.." and I started chanting just that in my head over and over and over as whatever it was seemed to weigh heavily on my chest and felt as if the jaws of life were attempting to tear me apart. "Jesus please be with me...." and it stopped.. it was silent and that loud silence pounding in my head I had to scream, but couldn't utter a sound. I laid there I don't know just how long before my voice started squeaking back, then into a cry, then screams and by the time my mother and stepfather found me I was as they said "not there". My chest ached and I felt hollow inside I had never felt this before and I did not understand it at all. A few days later I decided to try something new and I went and got my soul saved at a pentecostal church. Yes I know that may not sound like me but it took more than just my will to create who and what I have become. But I entered that church to be saved, and I was going to do just that. I needed protection somehow, somewhere and this was offered to me so I took the offer. Now I never discount things I have not personally witnessed as when I spoke in tongues and cried and felt "The Power of Jesus" I have to say it was quite a religious experience however it happened cause and effect. I felt relieved..safe.. for the moment as I looked at the doors leading out feeling them swirling out beyond the safety of this sacred place..waiting for me to step out and be reclaimed. It was the only time I ever felt safe in a church I must admit I didn't want to leave. Eventually after some coaxing I grew a pair and decided ok let's go. No sooner than I walked out those doors it went black and I remember nothing between that moment and waking up back at home, for those moments I am left unaccounted for. Had I been reclaimed? To Be Continued...

Perspectives and Perceptions. Relativity of the Human Condition. “It would be best said that all fact is derived from perspective and perception As “We” know it. To speculate that “We” as a race can answer complex equations and deliver a complete and infallible answer is completely insane.” R. Seaverns Let’s take an easy perspective on this perception of time and space, reality And fantasy, religion and science, fact and myth, truth and deception. Contradiction is the key to learning and or finding truth. To base a truth on merely one perspective is to say there is in fact no other possible answer. There can be many answers to any given question and though all answers may appear to differ, not all will be correct or wrong so much as a different perspective on the equation. For example we could use simple math to demonstrate this amazing feat of wisdom. In this mathematical problem we have to decide how to get to the true answer and that answer being 3. 2+1=3 1+1+1 = 3 654 – 651 = 3 -2 + 5 = 3 In the four examples you can plainly see that all solutions are indeed correct, however each has it’s own “perspective”. As we “perceive” these solutions to in fact be correct we do not argue or dispute them as to the best of our knowledge and wisdom these equations are all in fact the Truth. To physically see the equations and answers is far too difficult when we are merely given parts of the problem to work with. The missing variable has always haunted the mind of man from basic algebra in my case to the question of course “How did we come to be.” Both of which in my own life have caused a great deal of frustration as well as reward. Finding the solution to the equation for yourself is the only way you as an individual will come to an answer deemed worthy of being “Fact”. We find many established “Facts” being disproved constantly throughout history. There is no Easter Bunny, we are not delivered by storks and Jesus was a Pisces. As time continues to progress so does mans interpretation of the facts. As we evolve or de evolve as a race is determined by our perception of facts. Some would argue until the death for their perception of a fact and others will simply accept the newest, latest greatest answer. If we compare the level of scholar in the farthest reaches of our recorded history we will find his facts were pretty messed up indeed. We know that by histories records we began with cave drawings, rude elementary signs, glyphs and symbols and images that represented a story or perhaps fact of a given perspective made by cave dwellers. However we are presented with the “fact” we were created from an act of divine influence and never lived in caves at all. This is now where we have a problem. If we are to perceive we indeed did not live in caves but were created and began living our existence, then we have to now discount the cave drawings and simply call them lies. This makes absolutely less than no sense. How can any one believe that some how magically these cave drawing appeared and can be dated to man and his progression through time? Are these just elaborate hoaxes played on humans by “The Man” or perhaps “Satan” himself to fool man? Hardly. They are simply cave drawings made by man to express and convey a history, lesson and story of his existence. This is what I personally deem factual, “We have proof”. However even being an open minded yet slightly cynical individual I will not discount the other solutions to the problem. Perhaps we were created by another being; I have the very strong opinion that indeed we were part of a creation process by what I would refer to as a greater being indeed. However I see the cave drawings and realize there was something a little more involved than some hocus pocus divine magic happening. Once again it becomes a matter of perception and perception of the equation and it’s never ending variations of the answer fact or not they come to the same conclusion. The matter that concerns us as a race is how we not only perceive and put perspective on facts but as well how we interpret these facts into out existence. More fact has been lost in interpretation that history may ever regain at this point in time, as the years race past, our losses have somewhat been regained due to the diligent efforts of those who truly seek enlightenment and as they do such even more answers to the equation have revealed themselves and once again moving old facts into the trash can and imposing new facts for us to use as a guideline as to what is real.

Once upon a time.... There was an old man. The old man couldn’t have any children; it just wasn’t in him, So he began to try and create children for himself. One day the old man made his very first child and called him son. He quickly mad with delight had to make another! And another! Soon he had many children And still he was not happy. One day he was walking down the road thinking to him self "How can I make the perfect child?" and he saw this small creature cross his path like he’d never seen before It had 4 legs and was fat and pink... so he called to it "Hello my friend." But it did not answer it snorted and moved away The old man thought this was quite interesting indeed So he moved closer to the 4 legged wonder... “My, my you are different aren’t you?” Since he did not know what this creature was he gave it a name He said "I shall call you pig!" And he became pig Well the old man now turned to pig “What can I do to make you perfect?” he contemplated “Ah ha!!! I will give you 5 legs!” The pig said nothing The old man then hurried pig into his lab And gave the pig 5 legs “!”There pig I have made you perfect!” he exclaimed. And the pig was not impressed The pig spoke.... "Now who of my kind will love me?" The old man said to pig... “No pig you will be well loved... You have become part of my HUGE family!” Pig said... “But I had a family all my own.” ..The old man got quiet “Eureka!!!” He exclaimed and rushed out the door. Days passed and nobody had heard from the old man, When suddenly the old man burst through the doors “Look! Look what I have brought you!” he said to the pig and in his arms a female pig “Now you just hold tight pig we will have this fixed in no time.” So he went to work and beheld another 5 legged pig Neither pig was amused The old man stood waiting for approval. Thanks anything... And he got none. None So he looked at the pigs and asked them "why aren’t you happy? You are the perfect pigs." And the pig spoke again... “Now we’re freaks man... Look what you’ve done to us!” So the old man in his anger left the room Days passed and again he was not to be heard from Slowly the door opens The old man walks through the door... He had been crying “Pigs...” He said “You are now the last and only of your kind. You now are the perfect pigs and I hope you're happy.” And the pigs just stood and stared at the old man. The end.

The Exploited Word “You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can not please all of the people all of the time.” Abraham Lincoln. Words and their meanings can be made to fit or serve a given purpose. Mind you that I too will do just that. My intentions are merely to finally ”Come clean” with myself and speak my own mind as I have kept entirely quiet and subdued for far too long. Again I speak not without fact about truth however much simply falls to speculation and hypothesis in quite a few cases as I have by no means “All of the facts” about the meaning of life. Would I tell you if I did? That is a good question and it’s not one that’s going to be up for debate at this time. What I ask of you the reader is to examine in your own perspective and in your own mind that which I am about to go into very lengthy and detailed description of. What I leave you with shall be your own decision based on your own choices as to “Why you are here.” This claim I’m certain will be met with instant skepticism of course, but that is exactly my intent and I would have it no other way. Those who believe they are “All knowing” are found to be the furthest in fact from it, and tend to be nothing more than ignorant. It is when we believe we “know it all” that learning stops. Learning is an essential part of being human as our capacity for knowledge surpasses any other means of data storage or decision making processes both natural and “Man made”. As “Superior beings” in the animal kingdom we have changed the world around us to suit us. Constantly since the beginnings of man the world has been made a visual representation of mankind and his achievements and disasters. What we learn from are our mistakes and our accomplishments, choices both positive and negative in outcome. If we feel that we have no other choices to make and that we have made only the “Right choice” throughout our life then we must at that point assume we are above all other beings and in fact “perfect”. As you might expect, yes there are always some exceptions to the rule however in order to assume that one is perfect you must first define “The Perfect Human”, and that I’m sorry to say I have not been privy the knowledge. I may say in fact that I know of no such human nor do I claim to be one myself. The idealism behind “The Perfect Human” is as well far more unrealistic in the simple fact that human nature is based on a learning process of mistakes and achievements. So to say any one person could in fact be perfect is redundant as they had to make mistakes along the way in order to “Be” perfect, to learn by error and imperfection. Humanity is based on embellishment, each truth must be explained or communicated each experience documented first in our own mind and then we begin the process on how to inform others. In the process of conferring our knowledge we have to translate that which we “know” into words or symbols in order for others to relate. During the process of transferring our knowledge to others we will tend to put things as we see them, our personal perspective. We feel more comfortable speaking as if we are righteous and true in our words and their significance and meaning. We feel more comfortable speaking to “lesser” peers than to who we consider “superior” as we never want to be told we are in fact “wrong” or “misguided”. Being able to give unbiased and truthful knowledge is a rarely used skill, yet one given to us at birth. Through our lives we learn to cloud the truth, to lie and to manipulate words to suit our needs or means. We learn the power our words can have over those around us and in our lives. We learn the brutal consequences they may have and the beautiful rewards they can bring. We learn that knowledge is power. What we chose to do with that power is where I have my own issues. As I commit myself to bringing forth my knowledge I as well have to heed my belief to give it to you straight and unbiased. This however I can do easily. I have no hatred for those who would oppose my beliefs nor for those who would stifle them, merely a sense of frustration having to constantly battle against them for my own chunk of ground. You may find some of what you read here “unbelievable” and that is up to each reader’s discretion, but what’s important is the ability to not only read with an open mind but to realize and see the possibilities of your own existence. What it is that makes us each unique yet common. Being able to read and interpret the words and meanings of my rant may at times be difficult, but I shall do my best to be clear and concise. Perhaps the knowledge I share will give you guidance or help in your life, this is what it is intended for and nothing more. As a general disclaimer I would again say my own beliefs and opinions are based on my own perspective and interpretation of the universe, in which I exist, and not to be taken or misconstrued as pure fact or fiction but perhaps a well balanced mixture of both. The topics and subjects herein I shall keep unbiased and truthful based on what facts I myself and others have collected throughout time, and I leave it up to you “The Reader” to make your own choices and decisions in your own lives as I do surely not wish to be responsible for your actions. They are yours to keep. I would also like to say beforehand that any opinions of my own will be noted as such. Personal opinions have a great deal to do with perspective and our ability to separate the two can sometimes be difficult. I will not intentionally slander any religions, governments, groups or individuals as their actions and beliefs speak on their own behalves. You’ll tend to notice that those who can stay “Under The Radar” live out longer fuller lives. Any group or organization will always have the potential to be positive or negative as will those within. It is my belief that a balance of both must in all importance be maintained in each and every one of us. As we are creatures not only of intelligence but habit we form many habits at an early age. Our parents being our primary source of input initiate most of our habits throughout life in one form or another. This is related to several different topics of course but my point being that habits are hard to break and if you are to truly make the most of this work you must shed many preconceived ideas and habits. Do not discount the possibilities or the theories herein as to do so would be self defeating in this process of enlightenment. To refuse an idea or concept is to shut out the possibility that it may be in fact potentially realistic. If Thomas Edison would have shrugged off the possibility of the light bulb where would we be now? Anything is possible. Enjoy.

Anticipation and choices to be made. “In order to gain the best perspective it is best to be in the highest place that we may look down upon our given situation and better assess what lay before us.” R.Seaverns The amazing amount of literature compiled throughout history would lead you to believe the world is a crazy place. In fact that is quite correct. Each and every moment of time as it passes can be used or misused. Mankind being of “sound mind and body” has left itself a lengthy paper trail of contradiction, hypocrisy and general untruths that we must first overcome in order to attain a higher and clearer perspective on what is really happening around us not only at the individual level but as a society and species as a whole. As there is a beginning there too is an end, and somewhere along the way our Travels tend to lead us all in the same direction. We call this “Commonness among Humanity”. Each of us strives throughout or lives to make the “best” of our lives however we see them and however we feel will indeed “better” the situation. Each of us seeks to obtain the knowledge of “Why” we are here, and “How” we came into being then “When” and “Where” fall subsequent. The relation to mankind and the history of mankind are interwoven with the repeat of similar events. Constant and reliable, these events form out way of life and how we choose to live life with or around others of our species. Belief systems tend to be the separators between groups or factions of humans. Where one group of humans may believe a certain approach to life is “right” for them they will be assuredly opposed by a faction convinced they’re beliefs are in fact “right” and the others are completely wrong. Or worse. Far be it from me to ever tell someone they are right or wrong without undeniable proof and far be it that I would ever even attempt to persuade anyone to My “Way of thinking”, but often I am asked to do things that would constitute this sort of behavior. We as a race seek approval from our peers on the choices we make and the actions we perform throughout our lives. From simple daily tasks to complicated life geometry we simply have a great deal of worry placed on “Making the right choice”. Who we choose to ask for approval and who we place moralistic values upon can sometimes be our biggest and most tragic mistakes. There are a great many humans who would see you as nothing more than fulfillment of their own desires. We each have our own personal agenda, we each have our own goals, and we each have our own personal perspective as to what we feel is right or wrong. Natural instinct tends to serve us well although easily dismissed when informed that our instincts are wrong by our peers. Tragedy often occurs most when you’re in the middle of doing something of a positive nature. With this in mind an equal and unbiased approach to life and those in life could best suit our ability to peacefully coexist and however unrealistic that may sound it would be best put to great use these three words: “Just Be Cool.” R. Seaverns

Personal Thoughts. When I was a kid I had a great fascination for Sea Monkies. Turns out their, Brine Shrimp. So I had a fascination with shrimp. Playing “God” is something humans tend to do from time to time. Creating or altering life in many ways we seek to create. Perhaps this desire to create stems from our desire to better understand our own creation and how we as The Human Race came into existence. There are of course many theories on how “We” came into existence. From Evolutionary Theory to Religious beliefs, literature has abounded for centuries as to just “how” we indeed came to walk this planet we so lovingly call Earth. In my personal quest for knowledge I can say I’ve not only experienced but participated in many events that have changed and formed my beliefs as to this riddle of the ages, and not only do I hold fast to these beliefs but challenge them daily. If we limit ourselves to a straight and narrow path we miss out on everything outside that path. Ignorance is by no means a bad Word, but I find even in my own life it exists as it does in every. In order to “enlighten” ones self first of all, you can’t live a narrow path. It’s self defeating. If you can not see outside of the box you’re left with what’s inside the box as your existence and knowledgebase to live and learn from. Less is not more. Ignorance is not bliss. There comes a time in everyone’s lives where we ask ourselves “Why am I here?” Someone will generally be most happy to inform you of why, and if not refer you to someone who can. Often this is misguided kindness and the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Ask of yourself first and foremost for that answer. Look into your own life as you see it and the things you desire, believe and trust in. There is more knowledge in knowing yourself than diluting yourself with the beliefs of others. Case in point I would never ask of anyone to hold to the beliefs I have nor would I ask anyone to fully understand them. Rather I share them in the hopes that any given bit of wisdom or information I have gathered during my existence be of any help to them to better understand or reinforce their own beliefs. There are many who think as I do that is rest assured but we are all unique to our own existence and will always have our own way but we are not alone. R. Seaverns

In The Beginning. It was early on in life I realized that one: I loved women, and two: I had somehow been “here” before. There were many things I’d found were easy to learn and program into my daily way of life. Many tasks and concepts came more as “natural” than were taught to me by my parents. I guess you could say I was born pretty instinctual. I’ve learned over the years to trust these instincts and always allow myself opposition to them. I remember the first time I told my mother about a scene I’d witnessed between her and my father. It was what I’d perceived as a hostile scene with my mother on her back beneath my father and she was in pain. I’d noted she was pregnant in the memory and the clothes her and my father were wearing. My memory was and is very vivid and detailed, however I was not yet born during this event. I’ll never forget the response I got from her when I told her about the memory. She looked at me in a sort of horror and disbelief while reliving the moment and said “You can’t remember that, you weren’t even born yet.” My instinct was of course to pay her disbelief no heed and continue knowing that I had in fact had that explicit memory in its vivid detail. I kept true to that instinct and it still serves me well today in my quest for knowledge and enlightenment. As were taught many things by our parents some of us are taught more than others. We are also sometimes taught what to believe and what not to believe. This is wrong. As a parent myself I find that placing limitations and demands upon our children to expect them to believe in anything based on our own beliefs is a complete waste of time and denies our children from experiencing a full and colorful life. What may be good for the goose is not always good for the gander. I was fortunate as I see it that my father was a devout Atheist (Actually a Protestant off the record) and my mother a part time Christian as neither of them had any will to send me off to church. I feel to this day we can learn more important information at home or in school versus in church where you’re only being taught one version of one subject. It seems quite limiting and an impractical use of “Time”. Aside from my parents beliefs religiously speaking they believed in divorce. They believed in a great many fruitless and futile ways of “being” and of course this was something I learned quite fast and quite well indeed. On Sunday while the other children went to church, my father and I would sit around and eat ice cream in out underwear and watch a lot of westerns and a lot of horror. The westerns were cool I guess but what really got me excite were the horror movies. All the suspense and shock was definitely my version of a good time. The term “Horror”: Pronunciation: 'hor-&r, 'här- Function: noun: painful and intense fear, dread, or dismay. (Source: Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.) Horror is the feeling of dread and anticipation that occurs before something frightening is seen, heard, or otherwise experienced. (Terror is the feeling that follows after the experience has occurred.) Compare: the experience of waiting for a scary monster to jump out of the closet (horror) with the experience of actually seeing the scary monster after it has jumped out (terror). Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia © 2001-2006 Horror in fact became my instant “drug of choice” and has remained my favorite aphrodisiac and means of entertainment since. Horror gave me the outlet to express my inner emotions and anxieties without fear of repercussion from others. Horror became my safety blanket and my best friend. As I would grow to not only love but endure many horrors I constantly seek the next “fix”. This addiction has led me places I never thought I would ever travel and I do mean ever. There are those of us of course who care not for horror, those who are timid and afraid of the dark. I have traveled within the deepest realms of horror and I still walk this Earth although always questioning my sanity. If there were but a guide to those who still fear the dark, then that is what I shall be. Horror is inspiration by which we test our strength to resist that which we fear and become mentally and spiritually strengthened. Horror is not only a sensory perception but a visual perception as well. Throughout the history of mankind we find pictures and literature that depicts horror and events of horrific nature. Early “Caveman” might describe the horror of encountering a saber tooth tiger perhaps on the wall of his cave dwelling in the hopes of teaching others the danger of this beast and perhaps mark the “time” at which he lost his arm to that particular beast. The ever lasting visual scars of the Nazi Death Camps of World War II will forever remain in the eyes of those who look upon them with horror. The sounds from the black box device located in a commercial aircraft as the crew and passengers are burnt alive. Horror can come to us in many forms at many levels from daily horrors to those times we never forget. You might find horror comes in the form of a sudden stop by the vehicle in front of you as you travel down the freeway or you might find horror while washing your face in the shower and the sound of the shower curtain being flung open when nobody else is there with you. Both have the same cause and effect the anticipation of things unknown to come and the fear of what could happen. Horror in effect forces our minds to consider the possibilities and potential outcome of the situation. Will you die burning in your car on some chunk of the freeway? Will some madman slash your neck as your eyes burn filled with soap as your gaze falls to the red shower floor? Your mind becomes “creative” and alive with energy which has a “Domino effect”. Horror brings us to making one of three decisions and although we generally refer to this as a “Fight or Flight” response we forget the third option of “Do Nothing”. As the third option does not appeal to the psychology behind self preservation it in all truth does in fact at time do just that. An example: You are walking next to a nice peaceful stream when suddenly the unmistakable sound of a rattle snake at your feet alerts your senses there is danger. Do you: A: Reach down and grab the snake and rip his head off. B: Turn and flee in Terror. C: Do nothing. The answer of course being, C: Do nothing. If you answered otherwise please note the correct answer was C: Do nothing. There are of course times “Fight or Flight” applies. Based on self preservation the “Fight or Flight” approach can also have varied effects. We have to in fact choose rather carefully based on the situation at hand and any or all previous experience with it. In the case of Horror we either have little or no previous experience with the situation therefore we are horrified in our ignorance. By the time we reach this point our mind has increased its level of synaptic responses and our brainwave levels have increased greatly. The body at this point begins producing adrenaline in our heightened state and we are now in the state between Horror and Terror. I hear stories constantly about “Guardian Angels” and “Protective Forces” from those I’ve spent time talking to about “Life”. The details may vary slightly from story to story but each story is the same in essence. Some unknown “Force” or “Presence” appears to warn or save us from certain demise. In some cases there is an embodiment of this “Force” or “Presence” and in others a more Empathic feeling of protection or foreboding. The arrival of a protective force during times when we are in a state of horror has been interpreted in many ways throughout history. Mans interpretation of these events has led to great controversy over the centuries. In both Mythology and Religion we find many stories of “Divine Intervention” where the appearance of a force or embodiment has saved the life of the author or person in the author’s life and this “Force” or “Embodiment” although a mystery was labeled in order to signify it as a being of existence. Personal perspective and rumor are the leading causes of misinformation yet quite often make their way into history in ways that have altered the existence of man and his behavior. Entire belief systems have evolved around one mans interpretation of an event. Thus of course controversy of interpretation evolves on a worldly scale. Early in man kinds existence he was far greater shrouded in ignorance than in today’s modern world where we can find an education in many subjects and with far greater ease than interpreting a cave drawing. With the invention of literature and then the invention of the printing press man’s knowledge increased greatly and his ignorance declined. However in the procreation and passing on of misinformation man was still under the shroud of ignorance and untruth. As man grew in knowledge many of his perceptions would change or evolve into laws, theories, and speculation and the world around him would reflect these changes. Man found his ability to communicate his perspectives and ideas farther and faster and found it was especially easy to convince or relate his with others who would read his work and make their own assessment of his words, descriptions and perspective. As in any interpretation each human will have or form a different perspective of the information he or she is gathering and how it relates to them in importance and meaning. Then in time they will pass on this information to others in their life as it is common to do. Its when we pass down these blocks of knowledge that we lose information and fact in the translation. An Example: Truth: Rob was walking across a busy street and found himself stuck in traffic waiting for a break in which to finish his journey across the street to grab a coffee at a coffee stand he regularly visited. Unfortunately Rob was struck down by a bus that had veered to miss another pedestrian who had stepped into the way of the bus. Translation: Rob got hit by a bus while crossing the road. Effect: Here we have a difference of 52 words, 52 words that described the exact conditions of “How Rob met his fate”. Where and why have been dulled in order to easier convey the message and the event is transmogrified from truth to a clouded and very less detailed history of the actual event. We find as well the alteration of words from their actual truth to a modified version in the words “street” and “road”. We have an unclear image of the truth. To think the history of mankind could fall prey to this form of inaccurate and clouded translation is indeed worthy of further study to anyone seeking the truth. It is more often than not truths fall prey to misinterpretation and poor translation than are explained thoroughly and in detail due to man kinds need to explain or comprehend things immediately or feel unenlightened, ignorant or unknowing. It’s when we consider just how this form of misinformation finds it way into history, religion, government and our own lives at an up close and personal level. In the earliest days of man kinds “Enlightenment” many of histories most famous texts would have to be read or translated by scholars in order to teach or relay the information held within these texts to the masses. We know that there are many well used languages throughout the world and that many of them translate poorly at times with each other. It is human nature to “fix” these errors in translation with “the closest meaning” word and this again generates a degradation of the original text and therefore the truth finds itself further clouded by the perspectives of man. Let’s look again at the stories of the “Guardian Angel”. Here we have a “Domino Effect” of circumstances that result in the phenomenon called “Divine Intervention” in where we combine Horror with Adrenaline, a spike of natural energy and brain activity. This electro-chemical reaction will of course have its own “Domino Effect” on the physical body as well as the mental state of our “victim”. The anticipation of harm creates many visual representations in the brain which is already overloaded with activity thus causing a greater load on the circuitry of the brain and increasing electrical (synaptic) energy as well. Endorphins being a chemical reaction to bodily trauma begin to be produced by the hypothalamus and pituitary gland causing a state of semi-euphoria or “wellness” around us. Our minds alive with the visual representations of things to come and overloaded with electrical activity can and will cause many “Short Circuit” responses in where two or more synaptic impulses will in fact collide and the energies become impure from the original source. This being yet another representation of the clouding of truth at the personal level the brain is now overloading and sending misinformation to our senses. There is a fine line in the mind between reality and fantasy. Our mind now overloaded becomes an unreliable source of information and our perspective is now altered by the electro-chemical reaction we are experiencing being in the state of “Highness” our interpretation of the world around us becomes surrealistic and fact easily falls prey once again to fiction. Question: If the other animals in the animal kingdom have a premonitory or as we refer to it as a “Sixth Sense” why don’t we? Answer: Yes it has been observed in many cases that other animals will seem to sense the coming of danger. This behavior has also been seen in many humans as well. This behavior can cause the same response to Horror that a physical even can. We have all of the same conditions up and to the point of the actual event. This can of course cause the “Vision” or “Feeling” of a “Guardian Angel” warning us of imminent disaster or harm to ourselves or others once again causing an interpretation of factual events to become distorted by the brains inability to produce truthful information. This too is even before we try and translate the specific event in words we find “Best Relate” the occurrence to another. Many simple events that were previously unexplainable have become indeed very explainable with the progress we have made in the sciences and sociology. Among these advances you will find many contradictory theories and facts to previously held beliefs and laws. Man kind in order to free him self from ignorance has of course always been willing to give answers to questions he know not the answers for. You will always know that one person we call a “Know it all” who of course really doesn’t know one half of what he claims to know and is rarely “right”. Throughout history this type of person has existed as well as the humbled man who speaks not of what he knows. We will also find in literature that many “Stories” have evolved into beliefs and common behaviors found in humanity. From authors such as the likes of Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain), H.P. Lovecraft, and Gene Roddenberry to the prophetic writers such as Nostradamus or Zoroaster come many great works of fact and embellished interpretation of facts and information. From these writings we find real life events or happenings in a personal aspect that have been translated and read by millions for many years, stories that have changed the way we as humans think and act. This of course brings me to the subject of religion. Before I talk about religion I feel it best I of course describe my personal background with religion. I never figured myself for a religious person until I found society needed to have some point of reference from which to judge me and my moral views. This of course I was reluctant to partake in, but managed to come up with my “best interpretation” of the truth. I have studied religious writings as well as occultism and paganism and learned to separate them by groups for each group seems to be at war with the other while most preach “Peace and Harmony” they also tend to preach hatred and violence of one kind or another. I found throughout my reading and studies that my personal beliefs fall best under the Luciferian “concept”. I use the term “concept” as I still do not find myself religious but merely putting a name to the face of my reality for better understanding of my personal perspectives and beliefs by society and the reader. Coming from an open minded background and lifestyle I was fortunate enough to avoid what I refer to as “Brain Washing” or “Outside Influence” to my own beliefs and allowed to form them on my own as my life dictated and revealed to me. Throughout this time I’ve kept most of my gained wisdom and knowledge from society to better protect myself from discrimination and the hatred bred by other forms of thought. I found that speaking my beliefs was not wise when in the company of those who have been taught in absolutes, those who have been fitted with psychological blinders and those who have been blinded by misinformation and the clouding of truth. Telling someone they are “Wrong” is never a good idea and telling them they are “Right” serves no better a purpose. Being able to listen to the thoughts, perspectives and beliefs of another with an impartial and unbiased mindset is not an easy task at least for my self. Like many I too would correct someone when I feel they are “Wrong” and in that, I give my best effort to avoid such judgmental behavior. With this in perspective I will also try and write with an open mind and not in absolutes. I will write from personal belief and thought and my words will hopefully be read with curiosity and not taken as “The way it is” for even I like anyone have fallen prey to misinformation at one time or another. Ignorance is not a bad word and it is a very common way of being as until we “know” we plainly just don’t know. Until we have all the facts we can merely be left to speculate. With this I shall now begin the deciphering of my knowledge into the best readable and truthful form I can manage. You may at any time of course stop reading as I would ask not that which I would not do myself I will not ask you to take one moment of your time to stop and read the thoughts and beliefs of another.