THE MYSTERY OF RELATIONSHIPS
>
> During a seminar, a woman asked a common question. She said,
> "How do I know if I married the right person?"
> I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I
> said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she
> answered "How do you know?"
>
> Let me answer this question because the chances are good that
> it's weighing on your mind.
> Here's the answer.
> EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in
> love with your spouse.
> You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their
> idiosyncrasies.
>
> Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a
> completely natural and spontaneous experience.
> You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling"
> in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.
>
> People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think
> about the imagery of that expression.
> It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and
> then something came along and happened TO YOU.
>
> Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous
> experience.
> But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades.
> It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely,
> phone calls become a bother (if they come at all),
> touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's
> idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
>
> The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if
> you think about your marriage,
> you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage
> when you were in love and a much duller or even angry
> subsequent stage.
>
> At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I
> marry the right person?"
> And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love
> you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone
> else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their
> spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for
> fulfillment.
>
> Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.
> Infidelity is the most obvious.
> But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a
> friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
>
> But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your
> marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love
> with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But
> you'd be in the same situation a few years later.
> Because (listen carefully to this):
>
> THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT
> PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
>
> SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.
> It'll NEVER just happen to you.
> You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and
> day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love."
> Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly,
> it takes WISDOM.
> You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
>
> Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery.
> There are specific things you can do (with or without your
> spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
>
> Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as
> gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
> Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically
> stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make
> your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you
> know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...
> You can "make" love.
>
> Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.
