Icarus's blog: "Hope- by any other name."

ask me about the last 12 hours- no really, go ahead.
Between one of my cousins mouthing off unantagonized and me having to once again check it, ANOTHER dream about running from my ex and friends betraying me, and my dog waking me up incessently (I insist on starting the day with a good dream so I keep goin back to bed, specially my days off) and then PISSING ON MY BEDROOM FLOOR WITH A GIANT FUCKING CIRCUMFERENCE

yeah

I'm gonna be a little pissed off- so I jump out of bed and yell at her to stop- it scares her into pissing harder, I splash into piss and actually slosh it into my eye- its acidic, its also now extra scented cuz she's scared, so I bop her a couple and threw her ass out.

My alarm goes off 3 minutes after that.

Three fucking minutes and I would've took her out and not spent the last fucking thirty on cleaning a GIANT piss puddle with an extra hint of ass juice and amonia from her scent gland.

So I threw out a pair of my socks, washed my eye repeatedly and have now put the third coat of soap and hot water and anti scent treatment on the GIANT piss stain, and the whole house still smells like

you guessed it
dog piss.

Am I mad?
Yeah.
Am I mad cuz I was mad enough to hit my dog?
Yeah.
Am I mad that my dog knows better and definitely could've waited a whole 3 minutes to piss?
Yeah.
Am I mad because everyone in my family is a mouthy cunt that can't afford me ANY respect?
Yeah.
Am I mad because I'm constantly plagued by the events of one night over a year ago that will never be rectified that pretty effectively halted the progress of my life without even putting me in jail?

am I mad that this country will not support me the way I've supported it when the other foot drops in twenty years?

I have to work every day not to be a rageout.
And I've only got 23 hours left of time off this week.

I've pretty much always been this way "short fused" "redhaired disposition" "thin skinned", so sorry for having no tolerence for bullshit and a high sense of fairness.

I just hate the part with the frustration. That I can do without.
I'd consider myself a very rational and logical person, so of course emotion pisses me off.
Yeah >> not quite Vulcan or Romulan, but some kinda non pointy eared red haired cousin.

Now I'm gonna mop my floor some more... and pet my dog.