I can't believe I let him break my heart again!!! I can't believe I believed him when he said he loved me. He tells me that I deserve better than he could ever give me..that I deserve to be loved in ways he never could...that I should want better for myself...that he's not worth my tears. But how can I let him go that easily after all that's happened? I carried his baby in my belly before I miscarried, I've never had someone look at me the way he does, my life feels like a rollercoaster I can't get off. I love him still...I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm lost, but no matter what I would still lay my life down for him in a heartbeat. All he has to do is ask. I wonder if he'll ever know what it's like for me when he's not around? The words I miss him don't even begin to cover what I'm feeling right now. I don't understand what I did to make him go...I tried so hard to make him happy...to love him with everything I had to give...I guess your all isn't always good enough. It's not that I couldn't have someone else...it's that I do not want anyone else. Sometimes I drive out to the lake to the spot where he first told me he loved me and we made love all night long and evaluate my purpose here...whether or not I should stay. But I have too much to live for and not enough to die for. He tells me I'm the best friend he has ever had...I want to believe the words leaving his lips, but I'm not sure I can. I just wish I knew how he fakes the look in his eyes when he tells me he loves me...I didn't know it was possible. I guess I'll be in pain as long as I let myself stay there...the question is, is he really worth it? I dam well hope so...
