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I am not your normal gushy girl....I don;t get too attatched to men and I certainly don't let my guard down. This past week a man I truely and completely love with all my heart walked away...and took my soul with him. I haven't known him that long, but I believe I called for him. You see...I'm a witch. I cast a spell to call for my true love and two days later I met Tony. We share a child together although due to a very painful miscarriage I will not meet her until my next life.
You see...Tony gave me something nobody else had been able to before. He gave me confidence in myself. I have never been the girl to turn heads when I walk into a room...but to Tony I was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen...or so he said. I've never experienced sex so passionate or kisses so sweet...never had someone look me in my eyes and tell me they love me...never had someone not just tell me I'm beautiful, but make me believe it. He even gave me a diamond "friendship" ring. (Should have been my first clue)
The sad thing is, aside from his cool collective nature and his spotlight of a smile, beyond the beautiful words he spoke and made me believe, there was a dark side. Out of respect for him I will not detail the previous statement...but I loved all of him. Good and bad. He gave me the courage to sing my own songs with pride...the courage to make the decision to move to Nashville someday...the strength to pick myself up when I wanted to stay on the ground.
Last week he decided he never wanted to see me again. Said he was angry with me because he tried to move on and find someone else but I kept saying things to give him feelings for me, then turned around and said he didn't love me. He even tried to lie and tell me he was in New York. I drove to his house but not for the reasons one might think. I was worried about him and I needed to know he was okay. I had every intention of wrapping my arms around him when he came walking towards me telling me he'd call me in a few days, but I froze. The moment was too surreal and my body shut off he outside world. I ran after him as he stormed off screaming "F*** this Shit! I'm done!" i pleaded for him to stop and listen as he slammed the hood of his car down but to no avail. He looked me in my eyes and told me we were over...done forever. I've never seen his eyes that way. So cold and lifeless...he never looks at me in such a manner. His eyes are usually bright and full of life....not this day. He maneuvered around me despite my efforts and as he sat in his car I tried to get him to stop and think about what he was doing. Tried to tell him I cared about him and wanted him to be safe and happy....wanted him to know if he ever needed anything I was just a phone call away...
As I got down on my knees and cried out begging him to stay...he averted his eyes and again said, "I don't love you Valerie...I don't want you anymore...go." He called upon my friend Misty who had accompanied me for support and she pulled me away from the car...I tried to stop him again but it was too late. As the reality that he would no longer be in my life sank in I collapsed to the blacktop street below my feet and cried into my shaking palms. No remorse on his face as he peeled out of his driveway and sped away leaving me there screaming out his name for the world to see.
So if I seem different...its because I am. I no longer hold posession of the broken heart I once held so precious. Its his now...every part, every piece, every memory it holds. Take care of it my baby...if you're reading this...you will never have a gift so precious as this. Never forget someone wants you to be happy and fulfilled, find all that you're looking for, and would be there in a heartbeat. I hope you're out there somewhere making your life all I know it can be. And above all my angel eyes....I love you. Always.
