Goodbye Fubar's blog: "RANTS"

What's everybody's New Years Resolution? Mine is to improve my horrible social and people skills

Well, this is it.  All the fights, arguments, and disagreements really took it's toll. I wish Julia aka Kindred the best and hope things will go right in her life, but we just didn't mix well or gotten along in over a year, so it was best for her and I to move on with our lives, and go our separate ways.  I will miss you and I've enjoyed the good times and conversations we had but all of the fights and arguments was just too much for the both of us, and all of the times you've gotten me pissed off at you for not being understanding all the time.  I’ll confess that many times I had to walk away from my phone (and hung up on her one time), because she has gotten me so pissed off for being controlling.  I'll admit that I haven't been a perfect angel either, and made some poor decisions.  It really hurts inside and trying to hold back the tears, but it’s life and I'll just have to deal with it.  I really cared about her even though she don’t think that way.  She blocked me on here, Yahoo & on Skype, but it was best for the both of us to cut all ties with each other.  I will miss you dearly and I wish you the best in your life and whatever you try to accomplish.  You’ll go your way and I’ll go mine.  I’ll miss you, princess

Suicide's no laughing matter and a very scary situation to go through.  Many, many times, I had thoughts of committing suicide because of the mistakes I've made, feeling like I didn't amount to anything, and feel like a major screwup in life or couldn't do anything right.  I never made any attempts but at times, I just wannted get a gun and end it all, but last night, something made me stop and think to end any of those thoughts.  I've watched a documentary of suicides on YouTube and it was really deep and hard to watch.  From what I was watching, it won't only make things worse for myself, it'll make things worse for the people you love and make them wonder why would I do a selfish act, or what did they could've done better to save me.  From the pictures I've looked at, and the phone calls I've heard of people wanting to commit suicide, or families called 911 reporting a suicide of a love one, it was really heartbreaking and hurtful.  I put myself in their shoes and thought about what would happen of somebody I'm close to commits suicide.  It wouldn't be a pretty sight and something that I would never get over.  Yes I've had a lot of negative thoughts and been a negative person because of being far behind in life & not knowing much of anything for my age, but I've learned to take life as it is and make things better for myself.  I've prayed to God many times to talk to Him about my problems and had thoughts of ending my life.  I guess that was the way of God telling me that suicide's not worth it, and that'll be a one way ticket to Hell, and that's where I don't want to go.  I wouldn't wish that on anybody, or even my worst enemy, so suicide's not the answer at all.  So if you thought about suicide or wanting to make any attempts, DON'T DO IT!!! It's not worth the risk.  Life's too precious and valuable to waist because of a temporary problem.  Pray, get help, and talked to a family member, loved one or a close friend you can trust to end any thought of it.

Have you ever had one of those moments when you thought you're opening up your car until somebody comes up to you and says "Yo" in a confused way, and when they open that car door and the light came on and you look inside of it and realized that it wasn't your car? Yep I just had one of those moments. That's when you know that it's time to go home and get some sleep. *smh* *In a Ron Simmons voice* ".......................DAMN!!!!"

I'm me, I'll never change for anybody but myself. I'm not perfect and yes I made some stupid and idiotic mistakes in the past, but I accepted the cards that has been dealt, and rose above all of the mess I've been through & turned trials into triumphs. God has my back, ALWAYS, no matter how much I've messed up in my life, He forgives me regardless.

Im just laying here in bed thinking what about me that I need to change, getting rid of, need improvement and to work on for 2013. I don't know where to start. I may have to just make a list and my social and communication skills are a definite must that I need to work on, and being a positive person is another one too.

Maybe it's me or sometimes I try too hard to talk to people and scare them off.  I know I want to make new friends and everything, but I have the tendency to screw things up and block me.  I'll admit that I don't know how to deal with people in general & my social skills are below average.  I'm a great guy but people want to overlook me.  Maybe that person was right when they told me that the really dont think a beautiful woman is going to be interested in me, because I'm not on their level, and I seem to go after what I think are "beautiful" women and they've all played me.  Maybe I'm not interesting to them and need to work on my personality.  Guys have that personality and social skills that attracts people or anybody.  I never had that.  I tend to try to hard and smother them (or seem desperate and say the wrong things), and when it comes to women, I may have to learn how to talk to them and be friends with them all over again, cause I've been a failure with them.

"Get Back Up"
(feat. Chris Brown)

I was looking at ESPN 1st and 10 today and they had the debate on if The Cavaliers would retire LeBron's #23, and I agree with them on this one: It will never happen, so they would have to let somebody else wear that number, because of the way it ended. That bridge was burnt down to the ground, and the whole city of Cleveland (or the whole state of Ohio) hates him so bad. So them retiring that number: ZERO CHANCE