Goodbye Fubar's blog: "RANTS"

I've decided to stay single and focus on me. Its best to save everybody else the trouble and save myself the embarrassment .  I've been too much of a needy guy, too weak of a man, very inexperienced and naive and too much of a negative complainer and a whining bitch. It's time for me to get a life for myself and act like and be a man for once in my life.  My problem is that I knew little to nothing about women and I don't know what to do when it comes to them, so I'm pretty lousy.  I'm too much of a nice guy and a radio personel was right "nice guys are modern day pussies" and sadly I was one.  It has gotten me nowhere and will never get me anywhere, either.  

Another problem I have is that I don't listen, and I don't know how to keep promises or do what I say what I'm going to do.  I'm very stubborn and hard-headed (it runs in the family), so I don't know how to deal with people either.  In a way, I do blame my parents a bit for not letting me grow up or letting me make my own decisions, and I blame more of myself for letting them run my life, and thinking that it was normal.  That's why I've been so angry and bitter at them, but I should point the finger towards myself for not standing up for myself.

I don't think Ill ever forgive myself for being that way, and for being far behind for my age.  I blame myself 100% and feel like I've disqualified myself because of all of my idiotic mistakes.  I have a mental disorder (Asperger's Syndrome, which is linked to Autism), but that's no excuse, and I should've know better.  Maybe Karma has finally caught up with me and making me realize that I'm not as good of a person I thought I was.  Maybe I'm just a negative jerk that chased everybody away from dealing with me, and I'll never forgive myself for that.  Right now, I'm a bad mess and really mentally fucked up and I need to get myself fixed

I'm done