S1K in the Head Parts's blog: "Random shit I'll make songs eventually"

In my own special way, I was humming some In Flames while listening to Fingereleven on random, and totally got inspired. Very moody song, but I dig it. Trying to diversify my versing and add a little vagueness :D

I drift on this sea of trying to be brave
Dying as I'm waiting for the ocean to save me from the waves
Everything seems to fall apart on me as I wait
And all I wanted, needed, bled for was to just make it okay

When nothing is right end everything's wrong, how do you reconcile?
How do you take nothing and make it all that you need?
I keep trying and dying and fighting, but I can't quite figure out
Just what makes right and brings light when there's nothing left of me
(and I drown)
Nothing left of all I could be
(and I drown)
I guess I'm just a waste after all
(and I drown as I)

I drift on this sea of trying to be brave
Dying as I'm waiting for the ocean to save me from the waves
Everything seems to fall apart on me, but I'll wait
All I wanted, needed, bled for was to just make it okay
(and I drown)
It's all adding up, red and disgusted with myself entire
Can I take this nothing of me and make it enough?
Maybe I'm just not seeing the forest of trees building the pyre
Maybe it's time to surrender, when there's nothing left to give up
(and I drown)
Nothing left of all I could be
(and I drown)
I guess I'm just a waste after all
(and I drown, I drown, I drown, I drown and I)

I think it's a waste of time to move on
(and I drown)
When behind is just as lost as the clouds
(and I drown)
Nothing is the same but never changing
(and I drown)
And I give up, I surrender to it now
(and I drown, and I drown, and I drown, and I drown as I)

I drift on this sea of trying to be brave
All I wanted, needed, bled for was to just fake it okay
Everything falls apart on me, but I'll just wait
Dying as I'm waiting for the ocean to save me from the waves
(and I drown)
Nothing left of all I ever pretended to be
(and I drown)
I guess I was just a waste after all
(and I drown)
I guess I was just a waste after all
(and I)

Just my two cents on where I'm at so far in life (or not, as the case may be).
Totally prose, so if it comes out poetic, it's just how I think :p

Also, not about anyone or thing in particular, just a summation of personal conversations with myself over the last month or so. (Read: I ain't mad at nobody or nothing, just stating shit in case anyone's actually curious.)

It seems that the more I learn about myself, the more I realize I don't understand at all.
I'm twenty five and have almost nothing to show for it, in all honesty.
A little debt, a little stress, and a little girl I miss horribly.
As much as I know being a parent is supposed to be the greatest sacrifice of one's life,
it seems ironic that I'm the only parent I know with nothing else in life at all.
Perhaps I sabotage myself unknowingly? Am I afraid of loss, or am I really afraid I'll succeed?

I love deeply still, I don't even intend to most of the time, it just seems to be part of me.
It's hard constantly being the epitome of the 'nice guy' that every girl wants in theory, but
never, ever in practice. Even I laugh at the absurdity of it all sometimes.

Then, there's always the torment of wishing things could be different, but hating yourself for
even wishing for a second that something bad could happen to people you care about. And yet, it
seems unfair that I am permanently resigned to second place at best, even in my own life.

Shouldn't I be first place to somebody? Anybody at all?

Maybe I haven't earned it yet, though I am at a loss as to how to do so. I try to be honest,
I even attempt to be kind whenever possible. Maybe there's something to be said for being a
deceitful bastard, they always seem to have relationships, and girls that stay no matter how bad
they fuck up. I just get left all the time anyway. I'm still trying to figure out what I did
wrong, and it seems none of them can definitively tell me. Go figure, right?

So here I am, fighting a war I don't believe in, for a country I don't believe in, allegedly united
under some deity I'm pretty sure is just a lie made up to excuse prejudice against anyone who dares
to believe differently. Funny in the saddest way possible. And so fitting with my life.

There, I have the divorce I thought was finalized that I'm having to pay for AGAIN to have filed
AGAIN because she didn't feel like showing up to court or telling me she didn't. All to get out of a
marraige that ended four years ago. At least, that's when she moved in with her boyfriend. Nice guy.
He's just like me, only far more tolerant of her bipolar fits of rage, it would seem.

Here, I have the debt I'm slowly crawling out of, all in the hopes of... I have no idea, really. I could
try to buy a house to live in by myself, at least I'll own it, I guess. But empty homes seem depressing
to me. Maybe I paid too much attention in Kindergarten. I share well. More's the pity.

Maybe I truly was just born in the wrong time, perhaps the wrong era entirely. I'm far too easy to please.
My expectations aren't low, my tolerance is high for those willing to try. I guess not many are willing, or
likely I wouldn't still be alone. And sadly enough, I don't even blame any of them that have moved on and
found others, and I truly wish them as many forms of happiness as are possible to be had. I guess I just
wish someone wished the same for me, then maybe it would happen.

In a way it reminds me of when I left high school. Every girl thought I had a thousand girlfriends, leading
up to me being alone and miserable while all of my friends genuinely think I'm just being modest or
something.

So, here I am. Alone, miserable, a little out of sync with the going's on of this retarded world around me.
Far too stubborn to lay down and die, but too tired to keep fighting. Maybe it's time to accept the solitude
and embrace the freedom. The most retarded word in the history of language, by the way.

Freedom is miserable, and none of those screaming for it have any idea what they're demanding. Freedom is
no barriers, no labels, no opinions. Freedom is the exact opposite of what they want, they're just too damn
ignorant to realize it. The 'freedom' they want is to have everything their way. Which is dictation, not
freedom, read a dictionary, you morons!

Maybe I'm too smart to realize how stupid I am. Or vice versa, hard to tell with no valid reference points.

But at least I finally made a sensible, workable goal.

The women of the world, as much as (in general) I desire to be a good example of what they claim to desire,
have until I turn 35 to pull their collective heads out of their ass and take it, or I'm just swearing off
relationships in their entirety. It's not worth the personal stress I put myself through. Is it their fault?
No, not really, but I'm as powerless to stop falling in love unintentionally as they seem to be to not
reciprocate it in kind, so why make myself feel guilty for possibly making them feel bad for not loving me?

Nine and a half years, and the clock slowly winds down. Good luck! At this point, you'll likely need it, lol.

For my friends (and you know who you are), I still loves ya all wif all my widdle <3.

And yes, for some reason, writing this really DID make me feel a lot better about my fucked up life :p

SPC Redlin, out!

Settling his lute upon the stone at last, the Bard smiles
The Jester glances up to the twilight and releases breath
Quietly, the Bard suggests they rest, just for a small while
And the Jester reclines with his hands upon his chest

Is it wrong to chase the Sun, do you think?
Persuing the unattainable and risking everything?
The Bard has no answers to give to his longing friend
Who can know what awaits on the other side of the bend?

As the embers burn down and the clouds roll in
The Bard retunes the lute and sings out in lament

So far away from the world, so easy to succumb
To the feelings of distance that plague every day
And when everything seems to end before it's begun
Perhaps it's wrong to ever try at all, anyway
Surrender hurts so much less than fighting the Fates
Maybe the end of the road is closer than it seems
What if the only truth is that there is no escape?
Would you still scar yourself, giving everything?

Is it wrong to chase the Sun in your dreams?
Persuing the unattainable just to lose everything
The Bard has only more questions for his searching friend
Sometimes embracing the loss is the only way to mend

As the moon winds its way through the unfeeling stars
The Jester seeks within to clean out old scars
While the darkness creeps in on wings of black night
A chill descends upon skin stretched out too tight

Pleasure without pain would be worthless, I think
If all things felt the same, what need to have hope?
The thrill of victory is best savored at the brink
What accomplishment is found at the base of the slope?
But then, when the hill never seems to come to an end
And everytime you pause to breathe, you return to the start
The struggle appears to be meaningless with no way to win
So, why should I keep draining the life from my heart?
Would it not be better to never care at all?
To never have to endure the pain that comes with loss
Seek refuge in the apathy and embracing the fall
Taking comfort in knowing you saved yourself the cost

Is it wrong to chase the Sun, where it rests in the sky?
Unattainable at best with only broken wings to fly
The Bard has no words of comfort to give his aching friend
Perhaps something better waits around the next bend

Tears fall from the clouds, gently insistent
As the demons in dream flood the Jester in torment
The blackest nights are so cold, so wanting for heat
Shelter comes only hard-won after the defeat
Closing down once again, the keep locks up, secure
Prepared to out wait the world, the Sun, to endure

If the universe came to an end in the next breath
Would it care where we were, what we felt, what was done?
Do you think it would laugh at one foolish little boy
With his broken wings and dreams of climbing to the Sun?

The bard rouses the Jester as dawn creeps slowly in
A new day, a new chance to scale the hills of the world
Perhaps a plateau lies just around the next bend
As long as the path remains, perhaps it will unfurl
A night plagued with the haunting demons of dream
The loss of hope cuts deeper than most anything
Perhaps it's time to withdraw, lick wounds that bleed
And in the survival itself claim a victory
The Jester steps out, determined in his countenance
While the Bard strides quietly at his longtime friend's side
Strumming the softest of melodies in his great lament
For the hope in his heart as he watches it die

Was it wrong to chase the Sun, do you think?
Persue the unattainable and fail miserably?
The Bard inside my head wishes he had comfort to give
While the Jester within decides it's better to survive than not live

And while the Sun remains, far above the path
The road marches on, while the Jester follows suit
Perhaps after the night settles in, once again, he'll relax
But the Bard watches his friend accept the horrid truth
The Fates have won with a crushing victory
And as it draws to a close, the Bard and Jester retreat inside me

Lost out of time and searching for truth within the lies
The Jester's torment culminates as he's divided in light
Desperately searching through the eons for his missing Queen
The presence of absence burns about everything that he sees

The stars gaze down on the world in apathetic bliss
Whilst elsewhere, in the dark, the Jester draws breath
Drawing himself up to his height, he sets about in search
Nothing feels right and he needs something to make sense
Through the caverns he strides, his feet fall in a clamor
The earth seems determined to swallow him, body and soul
Faster, his feet fly, desperately seeking escape and the light
Lost in the warrens of deception, a hint of something ahead
He falls out upon the fields bathed in the softness of night

Lost out of time and searching for the purest truth within the lie
The Jester's torment makes itself real in the quietness of night
Desperately searching through the millenia for his Queen
The presence of her absence flares around everything
And his heart beats less deeply as breath comes with pain
So he closes his eyes and searches for himself in the rain

The stars gaze down and taunt him with false light
Waves of nothing extend as far as the eye can discern
A deep breath and a whim and off to his right he goes
As he walks, he wonders if perhaps he causes the world to turn
Wandering on through the night, he hums himself to hope
Glimpsing teasing images of her face in the shadows of dark
Stumbling to a halt as something catches his eyes to the north
The slightest brightening of the horizon, a glimmer of a spark
Turning his path to the sight, he moves with new purpose
Heart hammering faster as his feet spring into a run on their own
Headlong, he parts the grass as the wind, cutting through
Determination etched in his eyes as he seeks to find his way home

Lost out of time while seeking the truth of the lies
The Jester's torment haunts him as the light divides
Desperately hunting through the ages for his Queen
The presence of her absence kills his everything
His mind closes off as he ignores the false dawn
Focused on the quest as his feet carry him further on

The stars snicker silently as he stumbles ever on
So content in their brilliance as they settle in rest
Doggedly, he drags himself to his feet yet again, jaw set
Refocusing on the light in the darkness, his heart flutters in his chest
Just over the rise, the glow seems to consume the night
The softest edges shredding the tendrils of the terrors they bind
Terrified of hope, he slows nearly to a crawl as he draws near
Anxious seems such a small word when lost in the sands of time
Around the bend, the tease of breezes on his cheek, he could swear
Breathing stops as he arrives, his heart silent for the first he can recall
Supine in sleep, her beauty seems to breathe life into itself
Brushing the hair from her sleeping face, the darkness around him falls

Lost out of time, he seeks the truth in the midst of lies
The Jester's torment rescinding as she opens bluest skies
Desperate longing seems nothing as he gazes at his Queen
The presence of her absence a fleeting memory of feeling
Hopelessly lost, he embraces the promise of a smile on her lips
Drowning in a rapture too pure for words as she steals a kiss

The stars shimmer jealously as the Queen rises from her sleep
Radiance emanating from her eyes as the night withdraws in fear
The Jester gazes about in wonder as the flowers burst into life
Breathing comes harder as she rises and pulls him ever near
The time becomes nothing as she steals his air with her lips
Surrendering it all willingly, he presses her tightly to his soul
Dawn and shadow wage war on the verge of the horizons all around
An aurora of color and heat and light as they burn out of control
The stars retreat in terror as the heat builds evermore
The Jester and his Queen desperate for this moment, this very now
Celestial collisions on a universal scale as the day burns forth
Waves evaporating on distant shores condensing into the darkest clouds

Lost out of time seeking to be consumed in her eyes
The Jester's torment is as nothing as the light divides
Desperate to hold on as he loses himself in his Queen
The presence of her absence was the absence of everything
Drowning in the fire, he dances inside the flames of bliss
Lost, out of time, fully hers-and she his-as they deepen the kiss

Drained and complete, the Queen curls into his arms
All is well as the day burns brightly away for a time perfectly
Silently, as he sleeps, she smiles her smile and dances off again
Tears flow quietly as she laughs, blazing ever brighter in her fury
To have and not hold forever, what misery and despair
To want nothing so much, but surrender, lest he come to be burned
She flees over the horizon and cries herself to sleep again
Furious at the universe and the stars and the pain he must endure

Lost, out of time, he awakens with a startled cry
The Jester's torment renews as the light again divides
Questing for the horizon and the promise of his Queen
Hating the night and the stars as he seeks to bring back the dawn

*Just cuz eventually she'll read it, and probably smile a little :)*

Sometimes, I desire, most of all, to escape myself
To be free from a mind so negative out of habit
A hopeful spirit slightly broken down by a world that laughs at pain
A world where everything is taken for granted until it's gone
Vacant stares and empty smiles pasted on the facade
Of a broken, empty existence we call civilization
I wonder if perhaps I was born too soon or too late?
I do not fit. I do not belong.
I do not accept the surface as the whole
I love deeply for no reason other than any less is not love to me
I love many things in many ways, and yet no two in the same manner
I love the smile only my daughter sees, perhaps the last remnant of the child I believe I once was
I love the friends that care enough to ask if I'm okay
I want to find my place in the web
The strand upon which I may sit back and gaze out and claim accomplishment
That niche that only I can fill, and fill exactly as it was meant to be

I want to wake up as the person I was meant to become, before I become too jaded to care
I want to find a happiness for myself
Not the whole thing at once, just a part of it that is irrevocably mine
A start for something wonderful
A dream that stays past the first rays of the hateful sun
Sometimes I miss hellos, and I miss being missed
And then I feel a little petty for it
And perhaps more than a little selfish
And sometimes, I just wish they were there to remind me I matter
Maybe I don't, but I like to think I do

Sometimes it seems that distance makes the heart more distant instead of fonder
Safeguarding against the harsh reality of space and time continuing wihout you
And yet, I find the heart to be the most steadfast of my entire self
It doesn't care for days or miles, only for hello
I cares only for a smile it gets to see sometimes
It cares only for a little blonde head bobbing into the room asking a thousand questions
It cares only that someone it misses has missed it in return
And it makes the days feel like weeks when it feels that maybe no one does
Not bright, but energetic as always, that accursed heart of mine

I see a world of the lost seeking some form of perfection and missing it in the search
Perfect is an exquisite mixture of harmony and dissonance
Faults that accentuate the brightest sheen
Perfect is where the search for perfection ends and the embracing of the whole begins
And somewhere deep inside the whole that is me, waiting with bated breath
Is the reflection I've glimpsed in windows a thousand times
The smile the world sees and envies
The certainty that perhaps I am worth the struggle to learn, to grow, to believe in something
To hope for the sake of tomorrow that it will be the better day

And if the world ended tomorrow, what would it remember of me?
Would it remember the disenfranchised young mixed child with a need to belong?
Would it remember the torment of a teenager lost in the search for himself?
Would it remember the man that wanted nothing so much as to be a good father?
Would it remember me at all?
Would anyone?

Yes.

Would it remember the truth?

Only I can decide.

Would it understand?

One day, perhaps.

Would it know?

Only if I have the courage to speak it.

And what would I speak, you ask?

The simple facts of it are such:
I am not where I want to be, doing things I don't want to do
I am still searching for my right way to live
I am better than I was and not as well as I still hope to be
And, in whatever way it may develop or matter to those involved,
I think, in a way, that I have fallen in love
And if she reads this and still does not understand,
Then perhaps she will ask, and perhaps, I will let my heart answer her

Fire trails through silken black as the sun hides the day
Dancing through the endless night with the stars at play
Enrapturing in displays of quiet mischievousness sublime
Denying the pull and the dark and the passages of time

For a moment in time, I breathe a little less
And for a space of a second I cannot feel my chest
Lost in the presence of a body celestially bright
And burning through everything as my body feels too tight
Can I wander space with you, do you think?
Can we see the end of the universe and dance at the brink?
I'll wait for you on the other side of the moon
Heart in my hands, hoping you'll meet me there soon

Riding the waves of the dark, like dolphins teasing the sea
So peaceful and still out here, just enough of you to breathe
Surrounded on all sides by infinite days of unknown and near
Holding love and life by the hand and questing into the clear
What if black was a color too beautiful to behold by eyes?
Would you come taste perfect with me, beyond endless skies?

For a moment in time, I breathe a little less
And for this space of a second I can't feel my chest
I'm lost in your eyes, so mercurial and bright
Burning through all of me, and making what's left seem right
Can I wander infinity with you, do you think?
Can we see the end of life, the universe, and everything?
I'll be waiting for you on the dark side of the moon
Heart in my hands, hoping you'll teach me to breathe soon

Streaking across skies unexplored, carefree in life and unconcerned
Tasting the perfect color of nothing and leaving a path of unburned
Bodies lost in time and a space too perfect for the mind to grasp
Drowning in a moment of perfect with you on my lips as I relapse
Gravity pulls me back to the ground unwillingly and I fight
Losing myself in you and your eyes, and the brightness of night
Desperate for just one more moment of all I can think Heaven must be
Can we, for a moment of a space of a second, pretend you're here with me?

For a moment in time, I couldn't care less
That for the space of a second I cannot feel my chest
I'm lost in you and your touch so light
Burning through the day and promising perfect night
Can't I just have infinity with you, do you think?
Could we play with the stars and be each other's everything?
I'll be sitting here, waiting in he dark of the moon
Heart in my hands, just hoping you'll come take it soon

*insert randomly brilliant verse that includes coffee and makes Candace blush*

I suppose deep inside all new things are terrifying in their own way
Like a child released from the only room he's known to see the day
Everything shifts a little as what was once your world expands beyond
The limits you thought existed, and perhaps of such had become somewhat fond

I guess I could have never been lost in your eyes and melted within
I suppose to some the safety of the known overwhelms the need to begin
I gaze out across a plateau with something akin to the truest free breath
All I am seems cleansed as I watch the sun in your eyes die the tiniest death
A little paler it seems once the walls no longer surround your face
And my world seems all at once to have changed utterly, nothing's out of place
And though I can't quite place a finger on the pulse of the rhythms that move
I know on a level I barely comprehend that all that once was has improved

Suppose the world was the dream and the dreams were the light
And the things we fear the most were only what we hold inside
Would acknowledging myself as my bane make me something less of a man
Or would I be the last of a broken, fragile race to come to understand?

I could keep myself in my box of self-defeating regret and fear
So afraid to step out into the unknown even though the way is clear
Close the doors and windows to keep out the laughter permeating outside
I could stay in here forever, but would I ever really be alive?
The sun seems a little less bright, having to fight for the sky
A little less warm when contrasted with the spark in your eyes
And some would claim it would be far better to never know what might not be mine
But I believe, deep down, that by far the biggest waste would be not to try

What if all the world was nothing but dreams and only lies for light
And the only things holding us back were fears we cultivate inside
Would acknowledging the demons within us make us weaker by far
Or would we try to overcome them, one at a time, to be who we are?

I could wake myself from the dreams of caressing your skin in the light
I could give in, I suppose and just allow the lies of the world to be right
I could say it's too hard, and that there's no point in persuing true love
I could deny the dark and the night and the lights I see shining up above
But the sun seems a little less bright, reflected back at me from your eyes%

Possibly the most soul-cleansingly honest thing I've ever written... (without swearing anyway :p)

Trapped in thoughts overwhelming as I reach out skyward for you
Lost, left longing for something more than an after-dream of two
And as I descend into the quiet spaces I hide so deep inside of me
I get so tangled up on my tongue, can you teach me how to breathe?

Everything's so serious, I play games with the dawn
Completely enmeshed in bottomless pools from beyond
And as I try so hard to adapt myself to be who I am, I find
That perhaps I'm closer than ever to what I thought behind
My eyes see nothing real, only what I tell myself must be
And is it just me, or is it getting hard to feel anything?

Trapped in thoughts overwhelming as I face the days without you
Lost, desperately searching for all those right things to do
And I as I fail yet again, I find I have no choices left to me
I get so tangled up on my tongue, I think I forgot how to breathe

Every mistake is a nightmare, creeping quietly in the dark
Just waiting for me to fail to rekindle just one more spark
One more reason, one more excuse to get up and run
It's all downhill I fear, but I suppose that it's more fun
Racing faster than my feet can keep pace, I lean into the hills
And lose myself with my thoughts and hide from the fear that kills
I cannot succumb to the whispers of the end calling my name
It's my life by my choice, No one but me to upon place the blame

Trapped in thoughts overwhelming as I reach across oceans for you
Lost, it's so much harder knowing what you want instead of pretending to
And as I empty reserves, I find I'm left with a strange kind of peace
I get so tangled up on my tongue, I don't think I'll ever get free

Everything's so serious when it's mistakes I know better than to make
Completely disgusted with myself every time I stop to take a break
The road waits for me alone, and no one but me shall tread
And I will walk as far as I must to get outside of my head
All the insecurities plaguing me, brought about by only myself
I am the perfect constructor of my most beatiful, one man hell
I step with care upon paths overrun with death and decay, and in time
The way to home will return and I have only to look deeper to find
That nothing matters but the walk and the hardest steps are the best
I just get so tangled up on my tongue, and this pain in my chest

Trapped in thoughts overwhelming as I dream only of you
Lost, but never wandering far when I think you need me to
And I will fail many times before I finally get something right
Tangled up on my tongue, but more than willing to walk through the night
I can see the sun promising light somewhere up ahead of me
The radiance of knowing something good could be happening
And as long as I walk I will arrive when it's the right time
You get me so tangled up on my tongue, I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind

♥ my Muse (she'll probably be the only one who comments, lol)

Velvet curtains draw over an azure dream
As absent wanderers trace lazy circles in cream
And as the bluest skies fade with a whisper of a smile
The world holds its breath and watches for a while

Is a moment better spent here or where you while away?
Finally a choice with no wrong, and a place to stay
So comforted in ways so hard to express
Such a pleasant torture with your scent on my chest
And is it wrong to want to worship when a soul feels only rejoice?
Or is that what Heaven is supposed to mean, if given the choice?

As velvet curtains draw over an azure dream
An an absent wanderer learns how to breathe
The bluest eyes close with the tease of a smile
And the world holds its breath and daydreams for a while

A pressure on the chest as much within as without
Accompanies a smile that knows nothing of doubt
The scent of forever teasing breezes of repose
While that long left withered finds room to grow
And is it wrong to smile while tears trace the lines of your face?
Or does it mean that Heaven was never meant to be a place?

Black velvet tucks in around azure dreams
While an absent wanderer wonders what forever means
The bluest eyes never close, though she dreams for a while
And the world holds its breath as it feels itself smile

Is a moment better spent in your arms, or with you in dreams?
Or does it matter either way, as long as you have me?
Drawing comfort from the bluest eyes resting where I lay
And wondering if prayer means asking forever to stay
Is it wrong to believe forever has a choice?
Or maybe no one ever asked Heaven if it had a voice?
Guarding velvet curtains as they comfort azure dreams
An absent wanderer wonders if perhaps this is what Heaven means
Keeping watch over blue eyes with the smallest of smiles
Holding his breath and just watching for a while

the light dims to embers as night creeps slowly in
a romantic spark caressing the horizon in play
and as the sun sets on another evening spent trapped within
I find that virtues forgotten have at last found stay
a purchase once so tenuous and uncertain with time
finally a nest, a home, a place to rest in my mind

The days drag on and the nights can't last
Fighting a one man war I can't get past
Clawing and tearing away with a fragile heart
I find the weight of the waiting is the hardest part

in the nights I once feared I find my greatest reprieve
the moments of nothing at all, except all we could be
sometimes i feel so stupid, optimism comes hard
but I can't live forever trapped within my scars
so much better now than I was, I know all too well
the voices haunting the mind in the quiet moments
I have seen the bitter, self-loathing, personal hell
the one that eats at your soul and never relents
and I managed a whole day to stem the tide of sorrow
and for once I still have some hope left for tomorrow

The days drag out and the nights go so fast
Fighting a one-man-war that just can't last
Clawing and tearing away at a fragile heart
I find the weight of the waiting is the hardest part

dreams flicker through a mind so confused by everything
not the least of which being why anyone could want me
and I cherish the laughter I see occasionally in your words
I walk through gardens in starlight to dance with you again
I smile a little even at myself for thoughts ever so absurd
but I cherish every fleeting moment where it feels like I win
Maybe tomorrow will be lonelier than today could ever achieve
Maybe tomorrow i'll have to fight so much harder to stand
Maybe the sun and the moon will collide, killing everything
But at least, for once, I know I'm doing everything that I can

To shelter the flickers of hope from a world so dark
Bearing the weight of the waiting with the fragilest heart
So unsure of the outcome, I'll keep ressing on, regardless
Because for once I don't care about the consequences
I just want to do what seems right, and it feels so good to be free
To watch the sun kiss the sky goodnight, next to you, in my dreams