The freedom of choice and life and breath unencumbered
The loss of inhibition and guilt and the simple joy of being
Free to dance in the rain and play in the snow as it falls
One with the universe in a sense most of us can only dream
Joy so pure it makes you want to cry just to behold it
Perhaps more so knowing it is no longer your own
And saddened further by the knowledge that perhaps
It will never be your own again, you will never find it alone
Not anymore
Feeling the pain of innocence as clearly as if you yourself had fallen
As if your own small and simple excitement had been crushed
And feeling the need to protect and honor and cherish it forever
Because you've been through it all, and know it can only take so much
So you dance in the rain, and you live half outside yourself
And you throw everything you are into every day, every moment
Hoping in a slightly selfish way to feed off of that purity
To feel just once more as you know you once did, before you had to grow
Before real life happened
And you would die for that smile, would kill for that laughter
Would willingly storm the gates of Hell itself if need be
Because you know, deep down in your innermost self
That she is worth all you have to give. I love you Kali.
Hope is such a strange thing
So fragile, and prone to getting lost and broken
And yet it perseveres, pulling itself back together
Despite the odds
Despite the hurt
Despite the all consuming desire to just give up, give in, lay down and let the waves come
Hope remains
It shines in the darkness, painful in it's radiance
Beautiful in its simplicity
Hope is the essence of what life longs to be
Always it waits, bides its time
Always it watches with compassion
Always it cries with us when all is lost
It remains with us through the pain
Calls to us when we need to hear
Silences us when needed
Shows us how to be better than we are
And shows us it is possible
Despite what they say
Despite what they may do
Despite the ever-encroaching doubts and fears that cloud our eyes and hearts
Hope remains
Hope remains because I refuse to let it die
I shelter it from the storm with all I am
I give of all that I am for hope
Because Hope is all I have in this world
And without it, there is no world worth living in
I will die for hope if I must
And I will live in it
No matter the challenge, the pain, the lingering fingers of death and despair
Hope remains
And so will I
Sometimes the hardest part is feeling at all
Forcing the teeth to seperate and the words to come
And sometimes the hardest part is biting back the words
Before they can leave the edge of your tongue
And more often than not, I will fail at both
I will hurt those I wish to help and badly so
I will hold back words I should have said
And I will watch the tears and the pain flow
I will fail those I want most to succeed
And I will be forgotten long before I am gone
I will stand in this hole I have dug myself in
And I will wait for the day that I can feel I won
I am many things inside, so confused oftentimes
Quietly torturing myself with a mind that has seen
Far too much of what should never be in this world
Between the skin and the bones and blood between
I have hunted for answers to questions I despise
I have found answers I wished to never understand
I have felt lost and alone for most of my life
And I have given up on having any sort of a plan
Because life is always changing, and still I remain
The hapless victim of a too feeling heart
A bastard of seclusion and endless empathy
And I am slowly tearing myself apart
Because I know who I am and who I want to be
And every day I look in the mirror, it's not who I see
I feel a shadow of he world I play inside of, in my head
And I hope one day, someone will play with me
I am not immortal, and every breath counts
I can not outrun whatever is after me anymore
I don't know how to fight, but I'm standing here
In my hole in the ground, in this one man war
And I feel am I losing, I just don't know what
Am I losing control or the fight, or just myself?
I don't understand anything, anymore, at all
And I can't even fight the fires of my Hell
Am I a lost wondering soul, or just a man?
Does it even matter to anyone other than myself at all?
Can one man fight the world for all that he knows to be right?
And is there even a point, when it seems there's no one to catch him if he falls?
There is a child inside, and he feels so much
He wants so much, and I don't know what to do
Desperate for the softest hand, and a loving touch
And so far, the hands of myself have had to make do
And still, despite the fact that I have left my soul lying broken on the floor
Still I find life in those eyes, and still I find that I long for so much more