Did you know that a man is made up of many useless
"things?"
Over 16,531,381 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
Okay so some of the webcams on here crack me up... I won't go into it because I don't broadcast (thank the gods)... But I just saw a naked guy who looks like he was in a fuckin concentration camp and look over at the next cam and the chick who is naked looks like she ate the camp. WOW! I will perv elsewhere, but thanks to those who are eye candy!
VENTED
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.
After 15 minutes of this, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight."
The woman says, "So do I. You've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
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One day a man went on a business trip to Florida.
He had seen this hooker and asked "How much for a hand job?"
The hooker replied "100 Bucks"
The man said "100 Bucks, That's a lot of god damn money"
So the hooker pulled him to the side and said "See that Mercedes, I paid for that by giving hand jobs."
So he gave her the money and received the best hand he ever had.
The next day he sees her and asks "How much for a bj?"
She said "200 dollars"
"200 dollars that's a lot of money"
She pulled him to the side and said "You see that yacht by the pier, I paid for that yacht by giving bjs."
So he gives her the money, and get the best bj of his life
On his last day in Florida he returns to the hooker and says "The hand job was good, the bj was great how much for the whole package."
"1000 dollars'
"1000 dollars that's a lot of god damn money"
So she pulled him to side and said "You see that island, I could afford that if i had a pussy."
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A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.
The cucumber says "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."
The olive says "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."
The penis says "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"
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One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"
So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"
Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonaise on me"!
Weenie Test
Three 3rd Graders: an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Black kid, are on the playground at recess. The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest weenie," he says.
"Okay." They all agree.
The Irish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.
"That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out, and proudly shows that his is at least an inch longer.
Not to be outdone, the Black kid whips his out. It is by far, not only the biggest, but the fattest.
That night, eating dinner at home, the Black kid's mother asks him what he did at school today.
"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test, and read out loud from a new book, and then during recess, my friends and I played a new game called 'Let's see who has the largest weenie."
"What kind of game is that, honey?" asks the mother.
"Well, me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies, and I had the biggest! The other kids say it's because I'm Black. Is that true?
"No, Leroy.
Jesse,
You Stupid Bastard! You cheated on Sandra Bullock?
How in the world can you be so stupid? You are married to one of the most beautiful women in
the world; she has a body to die for, and her current wealth and predicted wealth is shadowed
only by Oprah, who even Steadman will tell you, isn't attractive.
But your wife, who recently beat out Julia Roberts in the polls and is now the named " America 's
Sweetheart"; you also remember she just won an Oscar (which translates to more money per
picture she makes in the future)...while you were shacking with that tattooed freak, who just
happens to be a former stripper and is someone's mommy.
You are really a piece of work! You are the most hated asshole cheater on the planet! And
while the State of California is a no-fault state whereby you may be able to take half of your
wife's wealth, in doing so you would only be hated even more...especially after Sandra speech
during the Oscars in which she did nothing but praise you. How can you live with yourself
after she even cared for your children?
I only have one thing to say to a dispicable, miserable, cheating piece of crap that you are:
Thank You!! You really helped to take the heat off of of me. Lets do lunch sometime and
compare notes.
Tiger Woods
Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman all get hauled in to the police station to appear in a rape line-up.
As the woman is led into the room to identify her attacker, the Irishman points at her and shouts "That's the miserable cow!"
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Where do you send a jew with ADD?
A concentration camp
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NEWS FLASH -
GARDENER SACKED AT WHITE HOUSE!
A gardener was sacked from his job at the White House today. When asked why, he replied "Honestly, I've done nothing wrong. All I did was walk into the Oval Office and ask has anyone seen the spade?"
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barrack obama has broken a long tradition of being the first black man to enter the white house without a mop.
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Two Paki's are talking, and one says to the other, "I'm loving this. I've only been in England for a month, and I can speak Polish already."
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Little boy walks in on his parents and sees them having sex,
"what are you doing ?" the boy asks
"making you a brother or sister" his parents reply,
the boy replies "can you do it doggy style? i want a puppy."
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How do you know you've been robbed by a Pollock?
Your garbage is eaten and your dog is pregnant.
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How do u know if a black persons pregnant?
Shove a banana up her cunt, if it comes out half eaten u know there's another monkey living up there.
