o0Tw1zt3dRaevyn0oFE2Mandy33 DNO If Owned's blog: "poem 1"

"NO ESCAPE" There is nothing i have not done or tried to rid myself of this depression that seems to have a life all it's own.Doing everything imaginable to cease this pain that comes along with it. Even trying to hide from this society in which i am shuned, does not even seem to work.Having everyday to be subjected to the rejections of those in whom i care for so damn deeply. Having many thoughts running through my mind i know should not be there.Knowing that at any moment i may succumb to them and never once even worry about just what all the consequences are. Just now allowing myself to live this life i am existing in finally, and not being able to stop these modes of depression from returning.It is like the old Alcatraz Prison, there is no escape!!! P.J.Page 10/16/07 11:08pm

just a poem I sit here now wondering why i must always be such an idiot or be so stupid in the many things i try to do and accomplish in this here life of mine. All i seem able to do, is make a mess of each task i try these hands of mine at. People are always telling me how wonderful it is when you fall in love with someone. Well, for me, all it has done is create more problems than joy and happiness. Seems like old rednecks like myself, are not destined to find that feeling. Should i try to just not look for it anymore and allow it to just come and find me? I honestly do now know any longer just what i should do. This one emotion always has only brought me more pain that happiness and it truly does hurt. So i guess i will do my very best to not go out looking for it any more, but allow myself to be found by that one magnificent emotion we all want and dream of in this life we live. Just hope that one day, i too shall know just what love is!! p.j.page 1/23/08 4:45pm

Is there a way to truly measure one's happiness and joy in this life? Do we weight it upon a scale or use some alcarhythm to determine it's value? These are just a couple of the questions i have. For with me, there would be nothing to weigh nor even measure, because all i have is pain and loneliness in this life. Not being able to wrap my arms around the one i love at night while we sleep. Every one keeps saying unto me, don't worry because you will find love and happiness. Yet all i seem to come across is more sorrow and heart aches as i go and continue on in life all alone. Maybe the master of destiny has seen fit for me to only live out life as a nomad. Journeying through this existence as only a man of words, but never at all, truly finding the joy i seek out. What ever the case may be, i just know that all this loneliness is taking it's toll upon both my mind and my heart. Wanting so much what everyone else seems to have in their life, a one true love!! P.J. (Lil Poet) 1/24/08 2:16am

"COME AND FIND ME" Searing pains running through this ever so cold and lonely heart of mine, I feel as if i shall only perish yet an old man all aone in this life, constantly and slowly derriating away. I sit and do nothing but spin out these here words of my poery every day, just wishing and dreaming i was with my love instaed. Having not a single thing around me but open air. poem "COME AND FIND ME" Searing pains running through this ever so cold and lonely heart of mine, I feel as if i shall only perish yet an old man all aone in this life, constantly and slowly derriating away. I sit and do nothing but spin out these here words of my poery every day, just wishing and dreaming i was with my love instaed. Having not a single thing around me but open air. Hearing the train whistle blaring in the background, I do sit and ponder whether or not i should go and just ride the rails.Getiing away and traveling the countryside, running from my pains. Guess i shall just stay here amongst my family and dear wonderful friends, knowing that out there lies a cruel and hateful world. Just figuring that if i am to ever have love, it will have to find me!! P.J.(Lil Poet) 1/24/08 3:20pm

"NEVER JUDGE SOMEONE" For there are many times in all of our lives, when we feel alone and abandoned by society.Wondering what it is that we have done so wrong. Having our feelings thrown to the side so that some one else may make themselves feel so much more superior.Not thinking of how it makes us feel. We all have our own little quirks about us.Some of us drink, while others like me, write poetry.This is just the many ways we are all different Having been one growing up that was always taunted by my peers, i can relate to those who feel they are very mistreated.It makes you just want to break down. So as i get older, i try to always allow myself to have an open mind.Never trying to judge people or putting them down.For in my eyes, we are all family. Guess what i am trying to say is that no matter how much you want to udge a person by their appearance, just think how it would feel if the roles were reversed!!!!! P.J.Page -- 4/13/07 8:27pmm

"A MAJOR HEARTACHE" I am at a complete loss at the great magnitude of devastation that one student caused in a university shooting.Taking the lives of so many young people and of teachers at this learning center. I do not think that anyone would have imagined they would awake to such a horribly dark day in the history of our great nation.Not fully comprhending at first just what was going on in our country. I find myself simply trying to get into the mind set of this young man.Asking what it was that truly troubled this student.Doing my best to figure out what exactly sent this guy completely over the edge. My sadness has taken a firm hold over me.Feeling such heartache and pain.I can only hope and pray that the students and citizens of this community can find solace in the open arms of others. I am asking that every single person who just happens to read this, shall keep these people and their families in your prayers.For at this moment they need all the compassion and love they can get!!! p.j. page -- 4/17/07 -- 11:56am this is for the students and faculty of the Virginia Tech Univ. i know that you may never forget what this young man has done to you and your families, but maybe the Lord shall forgive him for acting out with so much useless violenece. may god have mercy on this young man's soul!!!!

THIS SHELL OF MY BODY" At vast times in my life, i had truly wanted to just give up on everything including love. Then i met you, and my whole outlook was forever changed in that instant. You are the one who brings the sunshine into my dark and lonely world. Shining so brightly i get lsot in the glow of your beauty. Not fully knowing what i should say. Wanting to express all these many feelings i have for you, nad yet am scared of the reject- ion i know will follow.Baring my heart and my soul to you, only to have it crushed. I lie awake at night dreaming of a better life for you and i, hoping that one day it shall all come true. But now that i know how it is you feel, that world has crumbled around me. So if you go and come looking for me, just go and head towards the nearby woods. For there, up under the tallest of redoak trees, is where you may find the shell of my body. P.J.Page 12/26/07 11:47pm

"COME TOGETHER AGAIN AS ONE" Rainy days always seem to make a wonderful time for lounging around with the one you love or good friends and just jamming on some tunes that take you back in time to the days when nothing seemed to ever bother you in the least. Just hanging out and having fun, wishing these times would never end, but go on forever.Playing songs that you haven't heard in a number of years.Dancing and swaying to the beat and rhythm as each note brings back such sweet memories. Thinking to yourself, that if haven is anything like this, you will not put up a fight when your time has come.Knowing that you will be in a much more peaceful place, where ther is only love and harmony. Not having all the hatred we do here. Kicking back and enjoying a good cold one to drink on while dancing to the music and enjoying such great com- pany.Feeling as if there were nothing that could ever again feel this free or as wonderful as it does at that moment, together with everyone. They say that all things get only better with time, but i must disagree in a way.For not everything does get better, but they do get alot more easier to deal with.So, everyone come together as a solid nation as we used to be, because we are the U.S.A.! P.J.Page 12/31/07 12:57pm

"MY FAVORITE PLACE" As I sit here in this lounge known as the Love Shack,I watch the many conversations between the many petrons and new comers.Always being amazed at the many topics they discuss. Always having open arms for the new ones who are passing through,and hugs for those patrons who you might as well call family.Friends no matter who they are or where they are from. We all come here to relax and enjoy the wonderful company of others.Chatting and cutting up to take the edge from the day off.Knowing that when all of them leave,they will know they were loved. I am yet only a normal and simple man who has now found the best group of people in the world.There is one lady,especially though,that I have come to care for deeply.She is known as Foxy,a DJ at this place we all call the Love Shack!! P.J.(Lil Poet) 2/8/08 7:40am

"NEVER SHALL I REACH" I seem to always be destined to spend out my life as an old and lonely man.Not having that special someone sharing all of the hopes and dreams I have within this lifetime. Always seeing my friends and family so happy and exuberant from the love they share with their significant other,makes me wonder just what i did to deserve this loneliness. Wishing so many times I could either experience that same joy,or just go ahead and say the hell with it all.This never having someone to hold or care for,seems to keep me down. Maybe it is just not meant for me to ever reach that plane of happiness and peace in life.Guess I shall continue on this journey as a nomad just always seeking the destination i shall never in life find. P.J.Page (LilPoet) 2/7/08 7:36am