Right now I need to pity party myself. I know it's selfish but sometimes in life we need to have one. I feel like such a fucking loser right now. There is so much that I need to vent out and so much to say but some things I have to keep myself. I feel like I've failed at everything in my life. I have failed as a wife, I feel like I've failed as a mother, my son just won't stop getting in trouble and I'm so tired and stressed. I have so much going on. I live in a shit hole, don't qualify for help through the state, which sucks. I can't pay my bills, I don't have the money to fix my car, I barely have money for rent. It sucks really bad. I'm behind by like $600 from that stupid hurricane and I'm so ready to give up on life it's not even funny. I just don't have any hope anymore, thus my own little pity party. I thought I had found the one man I could be with the rest of my life, the one I thought I could be with the rest of my life is with someone else which he didn't have the guts to tell me. Which hurts. It hurts alot, as does losing one of my best friends over the weekend, because it was time to let him go. It was time to give up this poisonous friend. This friend that I thought I fell in love with. It wasn't love but I do truly care for him and his son. I just wish I knew what to say and do I wish that something great would happen and just keep that wonderful momentum going. I need to learn how to focus on my goals and to give myself the benefit of the doubt.I don't know how to feel good about myself. I don't know how to do that. I really don't. I wish I did. I wish I knew what to do.
