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What I think

I just need to find a man to go up to someone and say "We know what you did, we know who you, and how to find you and the ONLY the ONLY FUCKING thing that is stopping us from fucking you up is HER."

THANK GOD

So not a lot of people know at the beginning of this year someone took what was a consensual D/s situation and turned it UGLY and dark and essentially raped me. Recently I have felt, off and unwell. I feared the worst that i was pregnant from this jack ass, well the good news is I am not. Also got a call from the Arlington Police. while they cannot file a formal charge they ARE keeping the claim on record and finally after me bitching at them are taking this whole thing seriously.

Hurt Feelings and Angry

I don't get it, I do everything I am asked and THEN some for my family. I go above and beyond even when I am SICK. Not many young people I know would put UP with half the shit I do with them and yet when I even try and be civil to them I get snapped at and rude comments and I am tired of being treated like total shit. Today my dad was asked on a nice even with my step mother at her job. She's always said she was taking her dad and my dad's sister who is in town. Last night he acted like picking up my step mother's father was a NEW development. He's cranky all the time, rude and impatient. I asked him to do ONE thing weeks ago and that was mow the lawn cause I was too sick to do it. He waited till the last minutes before HIS sister got her as HIS invited guest and found the lawn mower was in need of repair, so he left the thing OUTSIDE in the RAIN and called someone to come and pick it up and repair it. IT was returned Wed night. The workmen even SHOWED him it was working well by mowing a patch of grass, limiting his work. Now remember I have been sick now for nearly two months, Friday I came home to find the lawn mower was STILL set off to the site. I was just going to put it away but I was so mad that I mowed the lawn. Then he had the balls to come home indignant that I had mowed it he said "I was supposed to do that" and I wanted to look him dead in the eye and say "yeah you were but we both know you're not going to, and you were supposed to have done it weeks ago. So don't bother its done" Today he was out all day, bitched and moaned and mad linda do mad she's never going to ask him to go anywhere with her again and then he gets mad when we don't invite him places. He never talks to me. he comes home from work, gets on the pc and fucked around with his god damn baseball cards and BUDDIES on the fucking NET, then we make and SERVE him dinner and clean it up while he sits there and watchs the news and god forbid we interupt that. Then he either watchs some game and screams at the TV or gets back on the computer. Kicking me off if I happen to be doing anything. Then he goes upstairs and gets ready to bed. If I try and talk to him at any time durring this I get sighs of dicontent rolled eyes and obvious attitude. I make plans for my weekends cause I don't want to sit around on my ASS all weekend like he does watch tv, baseball cards shit. Then he complains I am not an active member in the household. Makes me want to scream WHAT HOUSE YOUR LYING TO YOURSELF!!! Tonight I was trying to talk to him and he was being mean and hard, but saying he was joking and he made this obscene jesture at me and then hollared at me for trying to tell him something, stuffing his GD earphones (the ones so he can HEAR the tv without blasting us out of the house with the volume that he only wears to make a SHOW of wearing them IE show off, or to tune us out) He made it clear my voice (which he doesn't listen to me anyways was annoying. I dun even bother trying anymore. He doesn't talk to me only wants what he wants. To serve and make food, fetch, run his errands, take care of his shit, so he can sit around like fat fucking lazy king. I am tired of being used. No wonder I can't even have a normal relationship with anyone else I am too used to being everyones BITCH from the people who are supposed to TAKE CARE OF ME! This was after I went out of my way today to run HIS baseball card shipment to the post office for HIS fucking friends, get him stuff at the store, take the car to get inspected and clean his fucking house and make his god damn LUNCH when he came home.

Official Diagnosis

Okay today, it is official, i have Pneumonia, but viral so none should be at risk. I am on the mend, but its going to take time. I am getting better day by day. Now to make sure it doesn't go sepsis on me as I am prone to doing with pneumonia. Just keeping everyone updates. Not sure when I might make it back to fest. Miss you all a great deal! all my love

It hurts to equal nothing

Know what really hurts, when you know you don't mean anything. That at the end of the day, you close your eyes and the ppl who you thought were your friends never really cared about you in the first place. When you opened your heart and bared parts of yourself. Told ppl why it was so hard. Told them how the last person I'd shared myself with ripped me apart. Then to hear nothing from them for like two weeks. You're officially nothing anymore. You can be brushed aside, and be erased. that hurts. To not even deserve a goodbye. When you're supposed to have been friends with the potential of more? It just not worth the risk anymore and I am tired of crying. And ppl wonder why I am so cold all the time. Dun blame me anymore, blame yourselves. cause remember I don't matter. I dun exist.

One Day

One day I won't be someones JOKE. Someones "entertainment" used to fill the void THEY feel and disregarded for my OWN emotions. Hello ass monkeys you're NOT the only one who hurts, or has been hurt. You're NOT the only one with problems. Neither am I. One day, I will be someones ALL. and those ppl will be the lesser for having LOST me. I am SO tired of being nothing. So i am my own everything. Got a problem with that, I just heard a new sucker was born try next door, you'll get nothing but my scorn. Fake ass Doms.

GRRR

26 I am 26, for the record I am 26 years old. I appear younger. I live carefree and FUN. Why does everyone got to nail me to the damn floor. My dad is telling me I can hang out with my friends once a week, wtf? who the fuck is he to tell me WHEN and where i can go at my age. Bitching about gas. But won't let me have any control over my own life. Furious as hell right now.

I give UP!

I give the fuck up, no matter what I do it's never enough. When i care I get yelled at for being "annoying" when I try and give ppl space I get yelled at for not being there or around. When I try and make a balance its never enough. What the FUCK do you ppl want. GO away. I am done playing nice. I dun need this shit I am a fucking adult have my own god damned life I am tired of everything being about YOU all, get the fuck over yourselves you whinny crying bitch baby. Get a life and stop coming to me with your god damn problems as of fucking to day I dun a god damn rats ass and all the rest of you can go sit on a tack, cause it ain't like you ppl are here when MY life goes to fucking shit.
Offically tired of ppl and their shit. Claim to be thick skinned shout at me and whatever and get all pissy with me a few times but when I got REAL fucking shit going on and get pissy they claim I am "flicking shit" at them and won't admit it might have been a MISUNDERSTANDING. Fucking fickle ass mother fuckers piss me the FUCK off. I have HAd it with ppl and CT As far as I am concerned I am DONE. fuck all you mother fuckers.
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