I have sat quietly in my corner in the darkness just thinking about the past and the present. I had posted a blog just resently or rather yet a blog I had posted long ago however it was deleted the first time. so I reposted it because I felt as if it belonged here because it is apart of my life. Now since the first time it was posted... I have fallen in love again, and have been for awhile. Unfortunely he has dumped me, then decided to be with his ex. So again here I lay yet alone again deep into my sorrow. At the same time sitting back and watching whats going on, he is fallg into peices, and there is nothing I can do about it. She has dumped him and moved on. So now there is another girl in his life. However this other is no bed of roses either for him, shes not talking to him at the present time. I sit back and I watch him scream and shout and protest his love for her, and how much pain and sorrow he is in.
Now while all this is going on I am sitting here in my own tears watching this,wishing we can be back together knowing I would never hurt him like this in any way shape or form. I have cryed and bleed so much I about no longer have a voice left to scream and shout just to tell him how much I love him and how much I want to be there for him. When he does talk to me he hangs up or leaves when he notices that there are tears falling from my face. Even now as he sits there with all the pain, and agony knowing how it feels he shuts me out and my felings that I have towards him and acts like I shouldnt be hurting like this.. He is going through the same thing now that I have been for the longest time. Why cant he see what I am feeling is just as Terrible as what he feels inside?
I no longer know what to say to him. I just know how I feel. I no longer know how to tell him how I love him so, nor barely do I have the stregenth which to write this. Every thought of him just kills me. My bloody crys no longer help nor does the Blood that drips from my arms time to time. I sit and wonder will I ver fid a love that will love me as much asI love them in return and if not why am I the one that is destined to be alone.
Tell me something, How do you survive knowing the one you love so much does not have that same love for you, and maybe with someone else?
Because I have tryed everything I can think about, yet nothing has worked for me. So if you have found it please let me know for I have been sitting in the cold darkness so long I have forgotten what it is like to be warm.
