dragonflyblues87's blog: "old stuff"

How can you say that she wasn't used and abused and thrown away? 

What once was a beautiful soul you've turned into a black hole...You think you know what you see, but never a part of your world will she be. 

Don't you know you've killed an angel, don't you see you murdered her soul?  Don't you hear her faith dying?  Just walk away, you'll never know.

How do you say you haven't torn her down and cast her out? 

What used to be a heart of gold has become only dead and cold...take no responsibility, forsee no shame, but for her death, you're to blame. 

Don't you know you've killed an angel, don't you see you murdered her soul? Can you hear her faith dying? You just walk away, because you don't know.

You can't even see what you've done to her, blinded by your fears. 

Can you understand what is dead is gone?  Withered away, it can't go on. Ashes to dust, dust to wind, she's gone now, never to be seen again. 

You knew what you were doing killing this angel, you always meant to murder her soul, you knew from the start that her faith was dying...now there's an angel the world can never know.

If seeing is believing, and believing means being,
then who sees in perfect hindsight while the brights are beaming. seeing might be seeming to be a little blinding for a moment to the one still teeming with thoughts that this feeling might be worth believing.
If a feeling is from memories revealing all the past, it reveals  that happiness can't last.  The heartache of losing control too fast is nothing but overwhelming with pain too vast.  Vast like the ocean at night in a storm, the whole crew is dead, soaking to the bone, you've forgotten the feeling "warm". 
Warm like the pain that I feel inside, like a thousand suns, ready to burn me alive.  I try to hide behind a mask that will provide the protection to keep my soul from being fried.  Although my emotions will always be denied, I have a feeling you see through me, all facades aside. 
And if seeing is believing and believing means being, then who sees in perfect hindsight while the brights are beaming, I'm screaming because feeling is harder than breathing, and being me just doesn't provide the protection I'm needing, so I'm running from this haunting memory that keeps creeping up on me like a nightmare that keeps repeating and it's neverending.  
Keep going on not dealing with the pain, hoping that one day, it'll all just go away.  Is life worth living at the price I've had to pay, where's that song they keep singing about some blessed happy day?  When will there be someone who can just stand up and say the truth is that someday, we'll all just fade away.
And if seeing is believing, and believing means being, then who sees in perfect hindsight while the brights are beaming.  seeing might be seeming to be a little blinding for a moment to the one still teeming with thoughts that this feeling might be worth believing.

I think I'm falling harder and faster for you

than with anyone I've ever known

calling and spending my time with you

I know why I'm no longer alone.

You're nothing what I expected

still there's nothing I regret and

these are things you need to know.

I've spent a long time waiting

the fakes have come parading

but I never want you to go.

I know we're still on trial

but if you go I'll cry myself to sleep at night.

and I know that this feeling I have

will never end

if you just hold me tight.

Because I think I'm falling

harder and faster for you

than with anyone I've ever known

calling and spending my time with you

I know why I'm no longer alone.

I wasn't even searching for love or anything

that meant I'd have to sacrifice

my self-absorbed indulgence

and boys are full of bull rants

someone finally broke the ice.

still I can't help but to say...

that I'm falling harder and faster for you

than with anyone I've ever known

calling and spending my time with you

now I know why I'm not alone.

seething, writhing, seering, jeering, demeaning, deceiving, describing, detailing, teeming, seeming to make no sense at all.

leaving, heaving being, seein, wilting, jilting, peeling, reeling, agitating, hating my own skin as it crawls.

creating, debating, hoping, praying, wanting, haunting, heeding, needing, avenging, decending into the depths of my soul.

dreaming, hearing, stopping, living, having, needing, encapturing, enthralling, enwrapping, loving all that I have known and learned.

Take my heart, rip it up

can’t take it back, you’ve done too much.

Look in my eyes, do you see tears?

can’t take it back, wasted too many years.

Can’t say "I’m sorry" now, it’s too late for that.

Can’t rewind time somehow, can’t take it back.

Can’t say "I’m sorry" now-- what’s happened is done.

Can’t rewind time, and I’m already gone.

Looking back at al the time wasted

I can’t believe I tried so hard to make it work.

Seeing is believeing, and I’m done breathing for you.

You lied while I cried, you never cared.

Take my heart, rip it up.

Can’t take it back, you’ve done too much.

Look in my eyes, do you see tears?

Can’t take it back, wasted so many years.

Can’t say "I’m sorry" now, it’s too late for that.

Can’t rewind time somehow, can’t take it back.

Can’t say "I’m sorry" now, what’s happened is done.

Can’t rewind time, and I’m already gone.

I've had a lifetime to deal with all this pain,

at one point, I think I went insane.

I've always made it back to myself

except I always lost a part of my self.

I love who I have come to be

but sometimes I wonder if it's me.

would I be the same had life been easy?

probably not, I prefer turbulent to breezy.

At least I've had my lessons to learn,

for their lives, I will never yearn.

The pain has made me who I am today

and I will have it no other way.

I've had a hard past, that's easy to see

but it has made myself a better me

Who is it you want me to be?

I can see it is she,

but it is not me.

It is not who I am or what I do

I know it's for you

but for me, what did I do?

Prim, proper, perfect to the T

you want me to be she

but it is not me.

Squander my life just for you,

is that what I am to do?

change myself to make you happy

it is what you want

is it what I should be?

Why I want to change

and why I care

I don't even know

you're not even there.

you stare back at me

and you know all

how I feel

and when I fall.

when I see you

I see your pain

I know your life

ours are the same.

as I look in the mirror

you're all I see,

wanting me to change

who I should be.

prim, proper, perfect to the T

it's not who I want to be

you want me to be she

but it is not me.

As I sit here watching all the passers by

I wonder why I suddenly want to cry

is it because of dishonesty of words

or is my brain just for the birds?

Is there any way to explain this lunacy

that has enveloped me?

I can't understand it

nor can I give it away

How can I possibly use it

to promise for a better day?

Is there any reason

I should be so sad

when so much has happened

for which I should be glad?

I should just brush it off

and get back up

instead I sit here and wallow

with my computer and my cup.

sitting here in stolen skin

I can't believe I let you win

no one believes me, nor do they care

to them it was like you were never there.

I'm old enough, strong and wise

so how could I fall for your lies.

I thought you were a friend

so I reached out and tried to lend a hand.

You took my trust and used it against me

turned me into something I never wanted to be.

You made me a victim, and noone believes

I shouldn't have to convince them, but they don't see.

Fuck it, It's over, I'm finished, we're done

I believe what I say, but I'm not the only one.